Smurfs Forever
by Zikore
Summary: Baby smurf is delivered to the smurfs, but there's something different this time... An AU look where the movie-verse slowly transforms into a mixture of Movie, Comic, and Cartoon universes. General fic warning: Mature themes and adult content present. Poll is up on my Profile! Please vote!
1. Ch 01: Girl Crazy

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**I found out that won't let me use tildes for a scene break, so I'm reposting all the chapters with a different scene break. Grrr. Wish I'd noticed it sooner. **

Chapter 1: Girl Crazy

Papa Smurf jerked awake, wondering what woke him from a sound sleep. He listened, but heard nothing. The elder smurf was just about to drift back off to sleep when there was a distinct sound of knocking at his door. He glanced at the clock as he got out of bed, it was nearly dawn.

"My Smurfness, who could be awake at this hour? Coming!" Papa called as the knock came again to the door.

He opened the door to see two long avian legs, with a small basket set between them. The stork lowered it's head again, tilting so that one eye could focus on the little blue man.

"My stars! A baby smurf! Why thank you for waking me up my friend. Oh won't the other smurfs be surprised!" He strode out the door, scooping up the basket and pulling down the blanket that had helped shield the little smurfling from the windchill. The baby smurf was sleeping peacefully, gripping an edge of another blanket that swaddled the smurfling.

The stork clicked it's beak, catching Papa's attention. The elder smurf realized it was making sure the little one would be taken care of. "Yes, yes, I'll take good care of this little smurf, you have my word!" Papa answered. The bird dipped it's head in acknowledgement, and walked to a clearer part of the village so it could flap its large wings and took off into the slowly lightening sky.

Papa began to catalogue things that the little baby would need; dideys, baby food, milk, bottles, toys, a place to sleep (did he keep that old crib and bassinet?), blankets, and most importantly, love.

Hefty was usually one of the first smurfs up, aside from Chef and Baker who were starting on breakfast. The strong smurf would do stretches and then his morning run. By the time he was done washing up from that, it would be breakfast time. Stepping outside his door and ready to face the day, he started at a slow pace to get him to the edge of the village where his usual trail was.

Only a little way into the run he saw Papa heading his way with a bundle of clothes in his arms. Probably heading to Tailor's to get something mended, Hefty decided. He waved as he got within earshot. "Mornin Papa Smurf! You're up early."

"What a splendid morning Hefty! Just look at what was delivered a few moments ago!" Papa held up the bundle and it squirmed! Hefty was almost past the Elder, looking at the blankets and seeing a tiny smurf face blinking in the dawning light.

The strong smurf skidded to a halt and backed up a bit to look at the bundle in his leader's hands. "That's a baby smurf!" Hefty got close to the baby, leaning in and staring in amazement. The little smurfling reached out and grabbed Hefty's nose, giving it a squeeze.

The tattooed smurf jerked back in surprise before amusement washed over him. "Well, what a little squeezer!" He laughed. "But. Where did the baby come from?"

"A stork delivered the baby just before dawn. Now there's lots and lots of preparations to make!" Papa explained excitedly as he rocked the smurfling a bit.

The window to the nearest house opened, and out popped Jokey's head. "Preparations? Are we planning a surprise?" The jovial smurf chuckled.

Hefty relayed the news. "There was a baby smurf delivered early this morning Jokey! Just look!" He motioned to Papa, and the leader smurf let the swaddling down from around the baby's head so the little one was easily seen.

"Now **that's** a surprise!" Jokey cried, ducking into his house and coming out the front door, still dressed in his nightgown. Around them the village was waking up, some smurfs opening windows and noticing the curious sight. Handy was the next smurf to give in to curiosity, though he came out of his home fully dressed. Before the overall clad smurf had made it to the group, Greedy, Vanity, and Painter were making their way over. Each smurf making exclamations of surprise as they saw the tiny smurfling.

Before too large of a crowd could gather, Papa called their attention. "Now, now my little smurfs, I promise everyone will get to meet the new baby soon. But right now, this little one needs clothes, milk, and bottles. Handy, if you and Glassmaker can get smurfing on some bottles, and Hefty, if you and Greedy can find our goat friend to smurf some milk. We've got lots to smurf to get this baby settled in! I'm off to Tailor's to see about clothes." The smurfs dispersed, talking excitedly about the new baby.

Most of the smurfs were enamored with the little one from the moment they heard a coo. Things seemed to change quickly around the village, within hours many of the smurfs had incorporated their new fascination with the baby into their own hobbies. Handy made a bassenet in record time, Painter had already finished his latest 'masterpizza' featuring the smurfling, and the list went on.

A few, however, had other things on their mind.

Snappy was sitting in the grass with his best friend Slouchy, both smurfs in discussion. Snappy was currently on a rant about females.

"It just makes no sense! If we can fall in love, and feel feelings for females, then why are there no females?" Snappy all but shouted.

"It's like some cruel joke." Slouchy agreed.

"Two smurfettes between a hundred smurfs. And we wouldn't even have those two if it wasn't for Gargamel smurfing them!" The hotheaded smurf snapped.

"Well what can we smurf about it? It's not like we can make our own smurfettes." Slouchy pointed out as he raised a hand to cover a yawn.

Snappy jerked himself around to face his friend. "That's it!" He grabbed Slouchy's shoulders. "We can make our own Smurfettes!"

"What?" Slouchy managed as his friend shook his shoulders in excitement.

"It's simple! We smurf Gargamel's formula for making naughties, then make girls, then smurf them into real smurfs! The whole village wouldn't have to fight over just two females." Snappy jumped to his feet, an impulsive plan already forming in his head.

"I don't think that's a very good idea. Hey, wait up!" Slouchy had to get up and head off after the other smurf, grumbling about never being listened to.

It didn't take the two long to gather up supplies, Slouchy at least made Snappy grab a small bag and put some rope inside in addition to the paper, quills, and ink. The impulsive smurf pulled his sluggard friend along, practically dragging him from the village. Just outside the barrier, the duo encountered Natural smurf.

"Hey guys, where are you smurfing today? Smurfberry picking?" The naturalist asked.

"Yes." "No." The two answered at the same time. Snappy glared at Slouchy for his honesty.

Natrual raised an eyebrow skeptically. "What are you two hickory nuts up to?"

Snappy looked around before answering. "We're going to Gargamels to smurf his naughtie making formula. He shouldn't be the only one able to make female smurfs!"

"What?! Are you Crazy?!" Nat cried.

"No, Crazy's in the watchtower as usual." Slouchy joked.

"Agh." Natural growled, annoyed. "You know what I mean. You can't smurf things from Gargamel! What if he catches you? It could mean the end of us all, or you could get smurfed!"

Snappy waved his hand, "It won't be a problem. We're going to watch the place and wait for him to leave or sleep, then we'll smurf in, copy the formula, and be out before he even smurfs we're there."

The nature smurf started to speak but the impulsive smurf continued. "Think about it, Nat. Do you really think you've got any chance at all with Smurfette or Vexy? Even if it was just the three of us one would be smurfed out! Nevermind all of us."

Slouchy could see something else in Snappy's eyes, and wondered if the smurf wasn't enamored with one of the two smurfettes. The silence lasted for a few moments, each deep in thought.

Natural finally spoke. "It's still not a smurfy idea. Not only is Gargamel dangerous, it just doesn't seem right to try and smurf naughties just turn them into Smurfettes to fall in love with. Who's to say the new smurfettes would even like us?"

Stubbornly, the hotheaded smurf shook his head. "We won't know unless we try."

Nat sighed, looking at Slouchy. "This is like the apple orchard incident all over again. Well. Smurf on. I'll come with you." He didn't voice that it was to help keep them out of trouble.

"Smurftastic! Let's go!" Snappy led the way to their most dangerous enemy.

They traveled in silence, arriving at the creepy domicile mid-afternoon. The trio looked cautiously around the area, listening intently.

"Flutterby." Nat whispered, "Go look inside and come back and tell us if Gargamel's home." The smurf's pet butterfly flitted off, floating across the bare area towards the place as only a butterfly can fly. The smurfs waited for what seemed like ages, until the butterfly came flitting back to rest on Natural's finger. The little insect wiggled it's antennae, speaking to the smurf in it's own language.

"Flutterby says it's empty." The naturalist smurf relayed.

"Good. Let's smurf!" Snappy was off like a shot, leaving the other two smurfs to catch up.

The trio squeezed through a gap in the door, looking around the lair of their enemy with fear. After a few moments, the smurfs shook off their trepidation and began searching the bookshelves and scrolls. Stage whispers seemed to echo across the stone room as they looked. Finally Slouchy managed to climb up a pedestal and look through the book there.

"I found it!" The other two smurfs rushed to climber up to the book. Once there, Snappy took the writing supplies out of the side bag and started writing. Natural and Slouchy kept lookout, looking between the door and their companion.

"Done!" The impulsive smurf soon announced, checking the next page to make sure it was the end of the spell.

"Good, let's smurf out of here before Gargamel comes back." Nat said worriedly as he packed up the quill and ink. Snappy took the copied spell carefully in hand and waved the parchment a bit, hoping to get the ink to dry faster. Spying a close table, Slouchy hopped down onto it, his two companions following soon after. From there they spotted a sack of something that would be easy for them to jump down off of and reach the ground.

Then the door opened.

Gargamel swept into the room, followed closely by Azrael. He tossed a net and several steel traps into a corner and slammed the door before walking over to a cabinet. The trio of smurfs got over their shock and dove behind assorted pots. Snappy stuffed the copied spell into his hat.

"I tell you Azrael, once I get my hands on those smurfs, we'll be able to destroy them. Then it will only be a matter of time before I rule the world. Step one. Catch smurfs. Step two. Drain them of their essence. Step three. ... Well I haven't worked that part out yet. But step four is rule the world!"

"Reah, reah, reah." Azrael dismissed. She sniffed the air. Smurfs? Here? Following her nose, the feline began studying the trails of smell that crisscrossed the floor.

Nat spotted Azrael moving, and motioned to the other two smurfs making cat ears and then tapping his nose. Snappy responded by pointing to the three of them and holding up his hand, motioning to the door. Both Slouchy and Natural nodded their understanding. The countdown began from 3.

On two, Azrael hopped up on the table, nose touching the book they were standing on earlier. Slouchy was the closest to the cat, and tried to ease around the dark colored beaker he was hiding behind.

Azrael noticed the movement and yowled.

"3! 3! Go!" Slouchy hollered, bolting with the other two smurfs and leaping off the table onto the sack. Which turned out to be full of sharp instruments when Snappy landed wrong and cut his arm above the elbow.

"Smurfs! Azrael get them!" The feline was way ahead of her master, knocking bottles off the table as she charged after her prey. Gargamel was after them as well, but the three smurfs were up and running just as fast as they were down.

Snappy was the last smurf to squeeze through the gap in the door, just before Azrael pounced and rattled the door with her miss. The wizard shoved the cat out of the doorway so he could pull it open, letting his familiar race out after them into the twillight.

"If you don't bring a smurf back you might as well catch some mice because it'll be no supper for you!" Gargamel called after the feline. Slamming the door, the evil wizard began to look for what his little enemies had been searching for.

He noticed several books had been moved, and there were a number of disturbed scrolls. He grinned his snaggle toothed grin. "So they were after a spell, eh? I thought those little blue rats would have learned their lesson after the first time." He looked at the table, then his eyes rested on the pedestal. The book was open to the page containing the formula he'd used for Smurfette!

"Could they be trying to create an army?" He wondered aloud. "No. No. Those goody two-shoes wouldn't dream of going on the offensive. They're so hung up on peace and love and-" He stopped as the last word clicked in his mind.

"Love! That's it. Those little rodents want to fall in love! Ah-haha! Well, if it's women they want..." The wizard's mind began to work up a few possible traps, and he pulled out quill and parchment to jot a few down.

Scratching his head to think of more ideas, the evil wizard's eyes roamed the room. He noticed a spot on his sack of potion tools that he hadn't seen before. Leaning closer, he saw that it was blood. He scanned around, if his cat had nicked her paw, the blood would be tracked out the door and he'd see prints. But there was only that droplet, and one smear along the gap in the door.

"Smurf blood." He said gleefully. The little beasts had given him just what he needed...

**00000**

Natural, Snappy, and Slouchy fled through the forest, a yowling Azrael on their heels. Suddenly the three smurfs split up, going in different directions and forcing the feline to choose one. Skidding to the right, the cat's instincts had her automatically choosing the wounded one -Snappy.

Nat ducked around a tree and gulped at air long enough to put a hand to his mouth and hoot out a call. Nearby, an owl answered. Nat explained his situation, pleading for help, and the avian hooted a positive response. The bird took wing, flying silently and searching for the orange cat.

Nearby, Slouchy had doubled around and was trying to catch up to Snappy and Azrael, hoping he wasn't too late. Around twigs and through bushes he wove, and finally came upon a sight that made his heart nearly stop.

Azrael was standing over a bloody Snappy, raising one paw with claws extended.

"Stop! You stupid cat!" Slouchy snarled, picking up a smurfball sized rock and throwing it as hard as he could. It didn't hit the feline's head like he intended, but did hit the front paw she was standing on. On reflex, the cat jerked back, looking at the standing smurf.

Suddenly a shadow blotted out the night sky around the cat and she looked up. Just in time to dodge what would have been a painful impaling on barn owl talons. The feline hissed at her attacker, and the owl clicked it's beak, the two predators standing off for a moment before the cat thought the better of it and ran. The owl took off, flying in pursuit of it's prey.

Slouchy rushed to Snappy, picking the smurf up and cradling him. "Snappy, Snappy, wake up!" A quick look showed the mellow smurf the cut on his brother's arm was the source of the blood, and that Snappy was still breathing.

"Slouchy? Snappy?" Nat's voice called out in the distance as Slouchy opened the bag and pulled out the rope.

"Over here, Nat! Snappy's hurt!" He wrapped it tightly about the wound, helping to stop the bleeding, then looped it a few times into a makeshift sling. He heard the sound of Natural approaching before he actually saw the nature lover, and breathed a sigh of relief when he did.

It didn't take long for the naturalist smurf to access the situation. "We'd better find cover for the night. We can take Snappy back to the village in the morning."

Natural scouted around, soon finding a comfortable looking abandoned den in a hollow, standing dead tree. By the time Snappy was dragged to safety, both awake smurfs were exhausted. They quickly fell asleep, using leaves for blankets and with their injured friend nestled between them protectively.

They had no idea what had happened in the village in their absence.

**00000**

It had only been a few hours after baby had arrived, when a small group of smurfs were watching the little tyke. Baby lay in a brand new bassinet, and Smurfette rocked him.

"He's so adorable." The blond cooed.

The smurfling started to wriggle, looking a bit uncomfortable. Hefty rocked the child, thinking the baby wanted a ride. Baby started to whimper, kicking frantically.

"Huh. What's wrong with the little squeezer?" Hefty asked, concerned. Right after his question, the baby started to cry.

The group of smurfs tried to soothe the baby, Clumsy offered a bottle, denied. Smurfette picked the baby up and rocked gently, more crying. Vanity even showed the child his mirror. Nothing. It seemed everything the five smurfs tried did nothing to soothe the child.

Finally, Hefty gave up. He scooped the smurfling back up from the bassinet and started for the door. "Let's see if Papa Smurf knows what's wrong."

The group headed quickly to their leader's house, having to answer that they didn't know why the baby was crying so when passers by asked in concern.

"Papa Smurf! Baby won't stop crying!" Hefty held up the wailing child. Their elder took the child from the strong smurf's hands.

"Is it serious?" Brainy asked worriedly.

"Oh no. What this baby needs is a didey change." Papa Smurf chuckled.

"What on earth is a didey?" Vanity asked, admiring his elegantly raised brow in his mirror.

The elder smurf decided to show instead of tell, motioning for the other smurfs to follow him. He pulled the onesie off the child, revealing the diaper the child had come to the village wearing. He recognized the style, it was the same that all the other smurfs had come in. With only a few fumbles as his memory jogged, he removed the wet diaper.

All the smurfs at the table gasped.

"Oh no Papa Smurf, the baby's horribly deformed!" Brainy cried out.

"Brainy Smurf, that baby isn't deformed! That baby's a girl!" Smurfette snapped.

"A girl?!" The younger male smurfs in the room exclaimed in surprise.

"I'll be." Papa said in awe. "Smurfette's right. Baby is a girl."

Baby simply kicked her feet in the air, oblivious to the shock of the adults. Papa smurf sponged the child gently and put a new diaper on the smurfling. He worried momentarily about being new to taking care of a little girl, but reassured himself that he didn't know how to take care of little boys either, and he learned that just fine.

"Papa." Smurfette started quietly. "What does this mean? I thought there weren't any female smurfs before me."

"Well, Papa had a Mama Smurf. But she disappeared, right?" The muscled smurf looked at the elder.

"Yes. I was a smurfling back then, only forty years old. There was a terrible hurricane that smurfed Mama away. We never smurfed her again, though when I was old enough to be left by myself, my own Papa went out smurfing the world for her. Papa... er, well I guess he'd be Grandpa to you, has yet to return."

"Ah..." Clumsy looked from the baby to Papa. "So are smurfs delivered by stork or um..." The klutzy smurf blushed and trailed off.

Brainy pushed up his glasses and tried to ignore his flaming cheeks. "I think the words you're looking for are sexually reproduce."

Papa chuckled to try and shake a bit of nerves. He'd had the birds and the bees talk with his sons before, but it never made the subject any less awkward for him. "Well, my little smurfs, I really don't know. I can't remember how I was born, I never asked my own Papa. He always seemed so sad about anything to do with Mama... Then when each of you came along by stork, I guess I just assumed that it was a smurf's natural process to be smurfed on Blue Moon nights."

Vanity hummed thoughtfully. "But where on earth do those babies come from?"

Papa looked sheepishly at the floor. "I don't know that either. I've often wondered it, especially when I was smurfing about two smurflings a year, but the question always slipped my mind when the stork came."

"Oooh! What a mystery!" Vanity gushed. "Are we some sort of kindly wizard's experiment? If so they smurfed the mold when they made me." The vain smurf smiled into his mirror.

"Well, if another baby gets delivered, we ought to ask." Hefty said, ignoring his brother's antics. Papa suddenly had a horrified thought of another round of about two babies a year, this time all girls.

"Papa, are you ok?" Smurfette asked, seeing his blue skin lighten a bit.

The elder snapped back to attention. "Ah, uh. Fine, I'm just smurfy Smurfette. I guess I forgot for a second that I have my little smurfs to smurf out if we start smurfing any more smurflings."

Hefty started chuckling. "No worries there, Papa. We'll all smurf in to help out with any new siblings."

"Absosmurfly." Brainy agreed.

Papa could only smile.

It didn't take long for news to spread about the little baby being a girl. By evening, the village's hot topic was where exactly they came from. Theories abounded, from the practical (that they were orphans of other smurfs) to the absurd (like Suspicious's pet theory that they were all created by Gargamel just so the crazy Wizard would have something to hunt for sport). None of the smurfs seemed to notice the absence of Snappy, Slouchy, or Natural as they bedded down for sleep.

**00000**

The three smurfs woke up, though Snappy was more groggy than usual. He groaned as he struggled to sit up, rousing both his friends. He wondered why his arm was wrapped up shortly before the events of the previous evening came back to him. With his good arm he reached into his hat, pulling out the spell and reading the ingredients.

"What are you smurfing?" Natural asked. Slouchy had a good idea and kept his mouth shut.

"Reading over the ingredients. We gotta smurf these-" Snappy began.

"Oh no! No more adventures until you get back to the Village and smurf that wound!" Nat ordered.

"Before I was unsmurfily interrupted," The smurf snapped, "I was saying that we smurf the ingredients as we head back. I don't like having my arm smurfed up any more than you like to see me bleeding, Nat." The nature smurf looked away.

"Only one problem with that. We'd be going out of our way to smurf that blue clay." Slouchy pointed out.

"We could smurf by the river and smurf regular clay. It smurfs here he smurfed it to make Vexy and Hackus." Snappy pointed to where he'd copied the annotations along the margin of the page.

"Yeah, but it also smurfs that non-magical clay needs an infusion of smurf essence, and then more periodically after creation for survival. We don't know how to smurf our essence out of anything." Slouchy argued.

"So let's smurf the blue clay." The answer seemed obvious to Snappy.

"Look. I'll go smurf the blue clay." Natural interrupted. "If. And I mean only if! You two smurf straight back to the village smurfing the other ingredients on your way."

"Great!" Snappy grinned. "We'll all smurf back behind Papa's house and get into his lab. We really only need a cauldron, so maybe we can just smurf one right quick."

The three smurfs started down the tree, being extra careful with their injured companion. Once on the ground, they prepared to split up.

"Ok, so all you need to do is smurf a bucket of blue clay, Nat. We'll smurf the rest." The impulsive smurf reminded.

"Got it. And remember-" The nature smurf started in a lecturing tone.

"Smurf right back to the village after we get all the ingredients, we know!" Snappy grumbled.

They parted ways, heading out to gather their ingredients. Luckily both trips were uneventful. Nat wrapped up the smurf bucket sized lump of blue clay in a leaf, carrying it back to the village. The nature lover only breathed a sigh of relief when the mushroom shaped houses shimmered into view. Quickly, he hurried towards their elder's house, hoping that Slouchy and Snappy were there.

The backyard was empty, and Natural looked about for a place to stash his package. He was considering heading to Dabblers to see if the duo were still getting Snappy's arm bandaged when he heard a hissing sound. Casting about, he spotted a blue hand beckoning from a bush. Nat dove in, coming face to face with Slouchy. To his relief, Snappy was there too, now sporting a white bandage on his arm instead of the bloody rope. The impulsive smurf was standing over the cauldron, a small fire going underneath it.

"Good, you're here. The clay is the first ingredient." The smurf took the leaf wrapped package and dumped it in.

"Blue clay for the body." Snappy intoned.

"We made a few adjustments to the formula, you wouldn't believe what smurfette was made of!" Slouchy whispered to Natural. The smurf at the cauldron glared to shut them up. He had the two other smurfs stand so they created a triangle around the cauldron.

"Sugar and spice, and everything nice." Snappy dumped a cup of powder in, adding in a nice bird feather they'd found, some flowers -roots and all, smurfberries, a lily pad shaped like a heart, and a sarsaparilla leaf.

"A dram of sincere tears and one crocodile tear." Nat was handed a bottled and he poured it in. The nature smurf wondered where the heck they found that on the way, then glared at Snappy for swiping from Papa's stores.

"The wisdom of an owl." More swiping of stores, no doubt. Slouchy opened a box, letting a light float down into the bubbling brew.

"Some silver for her tongue." In went one of Greedy's forks. Nat wondered if it was a bad thing that it still had some cake on it.

"A dozen little white lies." Snappy was rather proud of keeping that part in, everybody had to lie sometime, what if they made a smurfette that always told the truth? Gargamel only had to get ahold of her and every secret she held would be out!

"The slyness of a fox." Slouchy peppered that in. Nat wondered how Papa put that into a shaker.

"The curiosity of a cat." It was a glowing ball this time. Nat dumped it in. Slouchy inwardly groaned. That really, really wouldn't end well.

"The song of a sparrow." Snappy hoped this worked, cupping his hands and whistling the song into the cauldron. It changed color, so it seemed to work.

"The loyalty of a dog." Really, thought Nat. How does that get into a shaker? Powdered dog loyalty? He blanched. Was it just powdered dog?

"And we're letting her form her own disposition." Snappy intoned, just in case the spell needed to know. He wondered if he should've done the same for the replacement of the magpie chatter too. Ah well, too late.

"Some warm brass for her heart." Slouchy dropped in a nick-nack that was likely swiped from Smurfette. ...Or Vanity. He ignored Natural's raised eyebrow.

"I thought it was supposed to be a heart of gold, if you're going by the saying?" Nat asked Slouchy.

"We couldn't find any, figured this would be close enough. At least she'll be warm hearted." Another glare from Snappy shut them up.

The impulsive smurf had them link hands, jerking his head at the spell. Three nods and the trio intoned together. "Arise new smurfette!"

The cauldron blew up with the force of two of Jokey's prank presents at once, knocking all three back on their tails.

Snappy rubbed his head. "Ugh. Did we... Did it work?" He looked up.

There stood a smurfling with red hair and pink overalls.

"A smurfling!" Slouchy cried.

Nat only huffed a woosh of air as the little smurfette jumped off the cauldron edge and onto his chest, bounding out of the brush with a, "You can't catch me!"

The smurfs scrambled to their feet, running after the little redhead. They stopped in front of Papa's house, looking around to see where the smurfling went.

"We are so smurfed." Slouchy groaned.

"Slouchy, smurf that way, Nat, head towards the village center, I'll smurf that way. We've got to find her!" Snappy barked the order and didn't wait for acknowledgement before he was running off towards the east end of the village. Natural and Slouchy headed off as well, looking for the new smurfette.

The little smurfling had jumped into a nearby window, hiding from the smurfs she saw. She giggled gleefully before turning and looking around. The room was lined with weights of all shapes and sizes, a treadmill and stationary bicycle situated neatly off in one corner.

"Oooh." She said as she saw the trophy case with several awards. How to get at those, she wondered. It became apparent soon enough that she could climb the wall rack of weights to get at the shelf. The little smurfette impulsively started climbing.

Hefty walked through the door to see a little redheaded smurfette half way up his weight rack. Fear shot adrenaline into his system.

"That rack's not attached to the wall!" He cried out as he charged into the room, just as the rack tipped. The strong smurf managed to pull the smurfling away, only to have one of his largest dumbbells smash into his foot. He howled and dropped the little redhead.

"Agh, who are you, you little runt?" Hefty growled, trying to balance on his uninjured foot.

"I'd tell you, but I don't have a name." The little smurfling grinned cheekily before bolting out the door. She watched the door behind her as she fled, making sure the large smurf wasn't coming after her.

Not paying attention to where she was going caused her to crash into Painter, who was just finishing another painting of Baby. The two tumbled forward, Painter's outstretched arm going through the canvas followed by his head.

The artistic smurf was horrified into silence for a moment. Then he started ranting. "My Masterpissa!" He whirled, spotting the little smurfette. "Vous, ma petite fille, qu'est-ce que vous pensez que vous faites?!"

"You talk funny. See ya!" The little smurfling darted down the path, weaving past startled smurfs on her way.

Painter gave chase snarling words in french that, given the meaning, it was good the smurfling couldn't understand them. She fled through the village, but crashed into Tailor as she looked back to see that the disgruntled artist was gaining on her. The red head hopped up off of the smurf, tripping on the entangled measuring tape around her feet. Suddenly, she was being lifted into the air by her overalls.

"Got you." Slouchy grinned.

"Who is that, Slouchy?" Tailor started.

"Great you got her!" Snappy came running up, Natural hot on his heels.

"What did you two mooks do?" Hefty growled as he limped up. Slouchy wisely stayed silent.

"Well, that is. We just. Uh. ..." Snappy started, looking nervously around at the gathered smurfs. Painter looked ready to hang them all up by their heels.

"We smurfed Gargamel's spell to create smurfettes and tried to make one of our own but we didn't smurf enough blue clay and that's why she's a smurfling!" Snappy explained in a rush.

"We?" Slouchy moaned. They were so smurfed. Nat tapped his index fingers together nervously.

"I was supposed to be a grown up? Pffft. That's boring." The little redhead quipped.

"Heh. You're a sassy little thing." Hefty chuckled. "Hey! Gutsy! You wanna help me escort these mooks to Papa?"

The adventurous smurf made his way through the crowd. "Aye, lad." He scooped the smurfling out of Slouchy's grasp, putting the smurfette up on his shoulders. The redhead looked thrilled with this.

Slouchy rather thought it was like a death march. Natural pulled his hat down over his ears.

"It IS like the apple orchard incident all over again." He moaned.

The group approached the mess hall, where Papa was sitting with Baby, bouncing her on his knee. He looked up with interest at the group coming, his eyes widening with surprise at the sight of the little redheaded smurfette.

"My Smurfness! Where did she come from?" Papa asked.

Gutsy shoved Snappy forward. "You can tell him or we can."

Snappy swallowed nervously before he began. "We. Well, it was my idea. I pulled Nat and Slouchy along to Gargamel's," He ignored the collective gasp. "And we smurfed the spell he used to make Smurfette, Vexy, and Hackus. Then we gathered all the ingredients and, well..."

"Here I am!" The little smurfling shouted.

"We kind of made a mistake with the size of the bucket of clay, that's why she's little." Natural supplied.

"Why?" Papa looked at Snappy, concerned.

The smurfs cheeks reddened. "I figured I'd just solve the problem of so many Smurfs getting their hearts broken when Smurfette and Vexy finally pick one of us." He took a breath, repeating some of his earlier rant to Slouchy. "It's not fair to them our us the way when we get Spring Fever every year."

Snappy was quiet for a moment, contemplating. "I guess this is kind of me going nuts in a different way, come to think of it."

The elder smurf nodded, understanding where his son was coming from. Why, the first year Smurfette was in the village he let Spring Fever go to his head. It still embarrassed him and he was glad none of the other smurfs thought less of him for it. But still... what they did was extremely dangerous.

"I think, it's best that you three not be punished for creating little... ah..." Papa looked at the smurfling, who shrugged.

"I like what 'Efty said earlier, that she is a little sassette." Painter grouched, still annoyed about his painting being demolished.

"I said sassy, not sassette." Hefty pointed out.

"But I like Sassette!" The little redhead pointed out. She bounced on Gutsy's shoulders and the scotsmurf had to stagger a bit to rebalance himself. Baby mimicked her, jiggling her little legs from her perch on Papa's hip.

"Well. Sassette then." Papa nodded at the smurfling, who cheered. "I'll have to smurf the final spell to turn her into a full smurf, and then we'll welcome our newest little sister."

The older smurf took a deep breath as he turned back to his three little smurfs. "But you did smurf to Gargamel's and you know that is forbidden. I think, in addition to your regular chores, you should smurf out Farmer for the rest of the planting season." The trio winced. Two solid months of extra chores.

Slouchy considered that at least this punishment wasn't as bad as what happened to him and Snappy for the orchard incident.

"Now. If you three will smurf to farmer's fields, I believe I have a spell to prepare." Papa turned to the crowd of onlookers and spotted one Smurf who'd been avoiding meeting Baby.

Papa grinned, taking a few steps over to Grouchy. "Grouchy, if you'll be so smurfy as to watch Baby for a bit while I perform Sassette's spell." Without waiting to hear a no, he passed the child off.

Grouchy started to protest, scowling at the baby. Baby scowled back at him, even crossing her arms. "Must. Resist. Cute." Grouchy tried. Oh how he tried.

His usual cold exterior melted when the child snuggled into his arms and gave a happy coo. "Oh my smurf. She's adorable." He whispered.

"Hey tough guy." Vexy's velvet tones seemed to short out Grouchy's brain momentarily before the smurf fought down his instincts. He would not make a fool of himself like the other smurfs did around Smurfette.

"Yeah?" The grumpy smurf rumbled.

"What was that Spring Fever they were talking about?" The dark haired smurfette asked.

Oh smurf, why me? Grouchy internally lamented. "You should probably go ask Smurfette."

"I could. But you're right here." Vexy grinned as she sat down near him.

Focus. Focus. Focus. The grumpy smurf kept up his internal mantra, letting the baby smurf play with his hand. "I really hate explaining." He growled.

"Is it something so terribly horrible that you've been sworn to secrecy?" The smurfette swiped her blue streaked bangs out of her eyes.

"No." He ground out. He glanced at her. "Okay! Fine!"

Grouchy took a deep breath. "Every spring smurfs start wanting to fall in love, get married, that kind of thing. If you want to hear ramblings about it being some sort of 'mild sentient variation on rut' then you should go ask Brainy. But that's it. Spring time makes a smurf lose their heads and they do stupid things all in the name of love. ...I hate Spring Fever." By now his cheeks were red, he was sure. Baby grabbed his nose, surprising him.

"Ugh! So that's why I keep getting flowers and presents and all of these really awkward pickup lines." Vexy slid her hand over her face. "And that will happen every year?" Grouchy could only nod. He bounced the smurfling a bit, making sure he wasn't making that same goofy face that the other smurfs did when they played with the baby.

"And what about you? No silly flowers? Marriage proposals?" Vexy teased.

The grumpy smurf scowled. "I'm Grouchy. I don't do all those... those... I've got more willpower than the rest of the smurfs." He decided. He did have a crush on Smurfette at one point. What smurf in the village didn't? But after meeting Vexy for the first time, he hadn't given Smurfette another thought. The urge to do something he termed stupid was strong. Ugh. Did he just claim he had more willpower than the other smurfs due to those blasted urges?

"Can I hold her?" He was almost unsure that the hesitant question came from Vexy.

The smurf shrugged. "Sure." He carefully deposited the child into the Smurfette's arms. Unbidden his mind conjured up a vision of her holding a child they called their own. Stop it. You stupid brain, or hormones, or whatever it is! The smurf took a deep breath and let it out.

"It's pretty crazy seeing a real smurfette." Vexy muttered, using her fingers to tickle under the child's chin.

"You're a real smurfette." Grouchy pointed out.

"I mean a real born smurfette. I wasn't born." The former naughtie snarked.

"Does it really matter?" The grump asked gruffly.

Vexy narrowed her eyes. "It matters to me." Well, he'd stepped in that, didn't he?

Grouchy ground his teeth in frustration. Dentist would be after him again, no doubt. "That's not what I meant. I mean it doesn't make Baby any more or less important than you. You're here. You're a smurf. And none of the other smurfs really care about the difference. Smurf, Snappy even tried to make himself a girl just like you and Smurfette." He was suddenly too, too amused by that. He snorted, trying not to laugh. Vexy did laugh, to Baby's delight. A guffaw that started Grouchy cracking up until they were both clutching at their sides.

Grouchy was happy the crowd had long since dispersed. He hated when people saw him laugh. As their chuckles wound down, Vexy silently offered baby back to the smurf.

The dark haired smurfette stood up, brushing off the backside of her skirt. "You should laugh more often, Grouchy." The way she said it had the smurf's brain shorting out again, and he almost said something stupid. Instead, the grumpy smurf was quiet until Vexy walked off, leaving him to take care of Baby. He picked up the kid, holding her close to his face and looking into blue eyes so similar to his own.

"I hate being in love and not telling her, Baby." The grouch whispered.

Baby cooed at him and grabbed his nose again.


	2. Ch 02: In Smurf's Clothing

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

Chapter 02: In Smurf's Clothing

Tracker woke up with the sun, as usual. Today he and Hunter were going on a hunting trip, planning to scour the forest for about two days or so. The woodsmurf really didn't expect that they'd catch anything, given Hunter's horrid aim when it came to trying to kill any creature of the forest. He was sure it was due to the smurf's temperament. Hunter really didn't have it in him to kill.

The bloodhound smurf checked his pack one last time. Satisfied with his preparations, he picked up his lucky hiking stick from it's place beside the door and headed out to the north end of the village. He passed Hefty and waved at the muscle smurf, smelling the air as he passed.

Scent told Tracker a lot of things. Hefty had recently been in contact with Gutsy, for instance. The smell was old, which told him that it was likely shortly before bed. Likely it was another arm-wrestling match between the two. Only slightly fainter was the smell of Smurfette. It didn't surprise Tracker. Those two were near each other every chance they got.

His nose was the reason he already knew that Smurfette was taken.

Not in the physical sense, of course. But they were a couple by just how much the two were around each other. That and he smelled the mutual arousal the both of them gave off in close proximity to each other every spring. His best guess as to why the two hadn't made anything official was a desire from one or both of them not to disappoint the rest of the smurfs who declared their love every spring.

Ah. Spring Fever. It was one of the main reasons he planned out hunting trips during the spring. He could stay out of the village and avoid that insanity. And now there were two of them in the village.

Bugger.

Vexy wasn't attracted to him, no matter what his screaming hormones might plead. He'd spoke with the dark haired smurfette on quite a few occasions, being careful not to let himself spout off with any inane declarations of love. Her scent showed no reaction. He was sure if he tailed her for a day he'd find out if anyone had caught her eye, but why bother? He wasn't Nosey after all. Better to simply get out of the way then become another showpiece in the debacle that was spring in Smurf Village.

Tracker's musings carried him all the way to the meeting place where Hunter awaited him, quiver strapped to the side of his pack and bow in hand.

"Good morning, Hunter." Tracker greeted cheerfully.

"God morgen, Tracker." Hunter mumbled sleepily. His accent was stronger when he was tired.

"Get enough sleep, chap?" Tracker asked. If Hunter had been up half the night, his aim would be more atrocious than usual.

Hunter sighed. "Ingen. No. Handy is smurfing something again. I think working with Archy to smurf a house for the new lille pige. The Smurfling that Snappy and Slouchy oprettet... ah. Created. Why she can't live in one of the tall buildings I do not know." Tracker shook his head in sympathy. Any smurf unlucky to live next to Handy when he started creating was in for a sleepless night.

"You're ok?" Tracker offered. He wouldn't try to push the smurf unless he chose to go ahead with the hunt. It could always be put off for another day.

"Ja. I am ready." The Danish accented smurf hooked the thumb of his free hand under his shoulder strap. "Lead the way, ven." Tracker nodded, and the two smurfs slipped past the barrier and into the forest, planning to make a long loop to wind up at the south of the village in no more than three days. Their route would take them away from Gargamel's and deeper into the forest.

In bits and pieces, the woodsmurf let the cares of the village fall away from him, focusing on the trails of scent that crisscrossed the forest. If he wasn't so good at tracking, it might have been him named Hunter instead of his brother. Gutsy had accompanied him a few times on different hunts, and after Scotsmurf witnessed a kill he had joked that he was a wolf in smurf's clothing.

Sometimes he wondered if he was.

**00000**

It had taken Azrael a while to get away from the owl, and afterward with the moon high she hunted. She had a few chases, but no luck, and as dawn broke she trotted back to her master's. The human had said no dinner, but nothing about no breakfast.

The window was open, so she simply jumped inside, landing gracefully on the stone floor and looking about. Gargamel was still sleeping, but the biggest change to the room was that there was another smurfalator created, sitting in the back corner. It seemed to be a compact version, the cages arranged around the condenser both at the top and bottom. The cat took the time to count them, coming up with two dozen total. Below the condenser was a solid metal pillar that it rested on, the spout with a bottle attached jutting out of the front. From the top of the machine ran a pole that jutted up into the ceiling. The feline guessed that it was the power source.

But where did Gargamel get essence?

The cat used her nose to poke around, finally finding the answer near the door. A bit of the wood had been scraped, but the smell of blood still lingered. So the bleeding smurf had injured itself in here instead of while on the run like she had assumed.

Azrael stretched, then hopped up onto her master's bed. "Rah-rah-raow."

The wizard jerked, and mumbled. "Not now you stupid cat, can't you see..." He trailed off as he rolled over.

"Rah-rah-raow!" The feline called.

"I said not now- I. Oh." The human finally woke up, sitting up at first to berate his familiar before becoming totally conscious.

"Row ra raeraa?" She asked, tilting her head.

The wizard's face lit up in glee. "Yes! Yes, I did get some essence. Those puny little rats left blood behind. I was able to make a new smurfalator! I'll be ready the next time those rodents darken my doorstep! Ahhaha!" The human kicked his covers off and showed the cat his ring. Inside the hollow there glowed a few drops of smurf essence.

"And to think!" He crowed, "Nearly twenty years wasted before I went back and looked at that translation. I could have eaten one of them and been poisoned! But now. Now I have a plan to capture those twitterpaited little twits once and for all!" Hopping out of bed, he strode quickly over to the table.

"I only need another Smurfette. I'll have her lure the smurfs here, and extract more essence until I can finally break that blasted barrier." The wizard ranted.

"Rahr rowrow rawraree?" The feline pointed out.

"What about loyalty?" The human echoed.

"Reah." Azrael flicked her tail as she gazed at him imperiously.

"Why you!" Gargamel growled. But his familiar did have a point. The reason why his other plans involving smurfettes didn't work was because the smurfs won them over. If only he had a like minded spirit like himself to infiltrate his hated enemies. He dared not do it himself, one transformation was enough. Wait. Loyal. Transformation.

Azrael suddenly had a foreboding feeling when Gargamel grinned. He took his wand out and dipped it into his ring.

"Yes. Why NOT you?" Gargamel raised his wand, and the feline stood to run. Before she could bounce off the bed her master had yelled, "Alakasmurf!" and she felt the spell hit her.

Azrael tumbled and shrank, rolling to a stop near the edge of the bed. She groaned as she tried to get up onto all fours again, but that didn't work. Naked, the smurfette looked up at him and glared with yellow eyes.

"Well. Looks like your fur didn't change into clothes." Gargamel said thoughtfully and plucked the old dress and hat from his Smurfette puppet. Azrael pulled them on with a bit of difficulty as she got used to her new limbs. Her hair was still tabby striped -orange-yellow-orange, but short enough that only one band of orange showed once she had her hat on. Her ear was still notched, a small circular cut not really visable through her hair.

The feline turned smurf glared up at her master. "If you could do this, why not turn some rats into smurfs and put them in the smurfalator?" She hissed.

Gargamel was dumbfounded. "I don't even know if that would work."

"Then just try it!" The feline snarled as she tried to stand on two legs and fell over, frustrated.

There was that cruel smile again. Oh shit. Azrael tried to scoot away from the human's reaching hand. "No! Not me! I meant change a rat!"

"Ah. But my dear Azrael, why waste the essence on a rat when I can test your theory out right now? Don't worry, the excruciating pain will only be for a little while." He plopped her down into a cage and flicked a lever. Above the hovel, the crystal absorbed the sun's rays to power the machine.

Azrael screamed.

**00000**

"How do you stand this?" Vexy growled as she and Smurfette strolled through the village.

"You have to remember that they really don't want to smurf this silly. It's just nature." The blond replied.

"Hey you two, wanna surprise?" It was Jokey, and he was holding his usual joke box very, very low. "I promise you'll like this explosion."

Vexy's eye twitched as her patience broke. "That's it! If any smurf comes at me with another stupid pick up line, or flowers, or marriage proposals, I'll knock you into next week!" Jokey backed up from the feisty smurfette with the balled fists.

"I'm not going to deal with smurfs who can't control themselves." The dark haired smurfette ground out. "Spread the word, laughing boy." The prankster could only nod and hustle off as fast as his awkward position could go.

Smurfette sighed. "Vexy. I'm sure Jokey didn't mean to offend you. None of the smurfs around here do."

"What I don't understand is how you can just sit there and smile and grin and then wave them on by! How does that help them learn to control themselves?" The angry smurfette fumed.

Smurfette looked at the ground. That cooled Vexy's wrath considerably.

The brunette took a deep breath. "Look, I just. I really, really can't take all of this attention. I don't have the patience for it."

Smurfette looked up slyly. "So you need to learn to smurf your temper?"

"Touche." Vexy said sheepishly. The feisty female looked about to try and find a distraction from her embarrassment. The silence stretched until she gave up. "Sorry."

"It's ok. Come on, we're supposed to be smurfing with the planting." Smurfette led the way to the fields.

Farmer's fields were very busy, with several smurfs working already. The ground was being tilled, fertilized, hoed, and seeded all by hand. Farmer organized as much as he assisted, the hardworking smurf was currently handing a bag of seeds to a tired looking Slouchy.

"Mornin, ladies." Farmer greeted. "If you could smurf those waterin cans just yonder and start smurfin the planted seeds with Sassette, that'd be just smurfy."

The females headed towards the watering cans, Vexy murmuring to her sister, "See, at least he has his head on straight."

Smurfette chuckled, "Farmer loves his fields just as much as any smurfette." She smiled to herself, recalling one time where the agriculture smurf had written her poetry. If she wasn't so enamored with Hefty...

But that was the problem, she thought as she filled up her watering can. If she made any declarations of love, the rest of the village would devolve into a feud. The incident when she was under a spell of Gargamel's showed her that much.

Vexy spotted the little redhead walking carefully along a row, letting the water soak the ground. Her hair was braided into twin pigtails, and she had a smudge of mud on her cheek.

"Good morning, Sassette. It's smurfy to finally meet you." Smurfette smiled at the smurfling.

"Greetin' Gophers! Good morning!" The little smurfette chirped. "It's really nice to finally see my two big sisters!" She plopped the watering can down in the dirt and rushed up to hug Smurfette, then Vexy. Smurfette brushed some of the mud off of her dress and was glad she was wearing one of her older ones.

"Heh. Nice to meet you too kid." Vexy. "Now, wanna show us where to water?"

The smurfling was all too happy to instruct them, and the three females made their way down the row, stopping to fill up their watering cans when needed. Vexy soon became a bit jealous of Sassette. The smurfs went out of their way to say something to the two adult smurfettes, but pretty much ignored the smurfling.

"You know, if their little insanity isn't aimed toward kids, I vote we spend the spring as smurflings." Vexy finally declared.

"Leapin lizards! That'd be great!" Sassette agreed.

Smurfette laughed, "It is tempting. But we'd have to smurf a troll to get at the fountain of youth." That led to the blond retelling the tale about Papa's time as a smurfling after finding the de-aging water.

It was shortly after the tale that Smurfette happened to look over and her eyes widened. "Archivist? What are you smurfing outside?"

"Who?" Vexy asked, hearing the smurfling echo her as both turned to look.

The smurf looked up from what he was doing, the ever present scroll tucked into a fold of his hat. "Oh, hello Smurfette." He nodded. "And you two must be Vexy and Sassette." He nodded to each in turn.

The smurf glanced back to Vexy and blushed. Here it comes, Vexy thought, but the record smurf coughed instead. "Um. To smurf your question, Papa said I needed some smurfy air and sunshine. Apparently smurfing a window doesn't merit." The smurf gave a shy, lopsided grin at his own joke.

"Why do you need fresh air and sunshine?" Sassette asked.

Archivist glanced down to plant another seed. "I smurf the records for the whole village, including copies of everything smurfed. It smurfs up a lot of my time... and all of my basement really. So I smurf a lot of time in my house."

Sassette frowned. "Isn't that really boring?"

The smurf smiled his lopsided smile again. "Not to me." The smurf reached into his bag to get another seed, then stopped and looked. "Ah. I'm out. I'll smurf if Farmer needs anything more. It was good smurfing you." It was then the girls saw they were at the end of their row, and should start watering the row that Archivist planted.

"Wouldn't he get lonely, being by himself all the time?" Sassette looked at Smurfette.

The blond tipped the last of her water out of her can. "Some smurfs are quiet and keep to themselves more than others. Papa says that there are outgoing and quiet smurfs and that both kinds of smurfs have gifts that make them smurfy."

The planting was going well, but it would take quite a while to finish. The smurfs worked hard, breaking only for lunch.

**00000**

Azrael had went into shock at some point, she was sure. The pain that wracked her body was one of the worst she'd felt. The sudden stop was almost as jarring.

Gargamel had an annoying sensation in the back of his mind, something like a mild headache with some sort of generalized pain. After his familiar stopped screaming the wizard wondered if it wasn't some sort of feedback from the bond with the feline. Determined to at least get a good amount of essence from the transformation, he tried to ignore it and succeeded until his stomach started growling as well. The human reasoned that if the cat hadn't eaten for a day, the machine may kill her.

He turned it off. He couldn't waste his familiar's life just on essence. Azrael was too useful. He watched the cat turned smurf fall to the floor of the little cage, twitching, and checked the beaker of essence. Not bad for a feline, there was at least a tablespoon in there.

Azrael shook, trembling as her nerves got used to not being stimulated. Her master was pleased, she could feel it through the familiar bond. At least something good came out of this torture.

Gargamel pulled out some bread and cheese from the pantry, then paused. Why not reward the cat? He pulled out his wand and transformed the paltry food into a huge banquet. The human removed the transformed smurf from the cage and sat her down on the table.

"Congratulations Azrael, with this plan, we'll be able to get all of the essence we'll need. So eat, my pet. You'll need your strength to recuperate."

The transformed feline picked herself shakily off the table, looking at the large spread of food. Jerkily she picked up a tiny cup, gulping the water held within. Slowly the temporary smurf started eating.

Gargamel sat down to eat too, relishing the taste of foods he'd not had since his time in the Kingdom of Paris. He chewed thoughtfully. The problem with the transformation spell was it lasted around three days maximum, if he wanted a longer term source of essence, he'd have catch a real smurf.

The human glanced at his familiar and he thought of another way. The spell that he'd been after just a few months ago. It came back to that. But this time, he had a loyal smurfette to obtain the formula. The cat turned smurfette had eaten her fill, falling asleep with her head resting on a dinner roll.

"Azrael, wake up." The evil wizard grinned as the smurf's head shot up. "I've had a change in plans. I'm going to renew your transformation spell, then you will go to the smurf village and steal the formula used to change my other creations into real smurfs. With that in hand, I can transform rats, mice, birds, anything into smurfs and extract their essence. Think of it, you'll be a cat in smurf's clothing! Ahhaha!"

Azrael dropped her head back onto the roll. "Can I at least take a nap first?" She whined.

"Fine. Take a nap. Then it will be time to destroy those smurfs!" The human cackled and bit into another chicken leg.

As an afterthought, the human brandished his wand again. "No time like the present. Alakasummon!" Dragged out of a crack in the stone wall came three mice, which the wizard held in magical bindings. One by one, the rodents were plopped into the cages of the smurfalator, squealing in fear.

"Alakasmurf!" The human called out to focus his will, and the three mice were transformed into smurfs. They let out wordless cries, unaccustomed to being sentient, unlike Azrael. Casually, the evil human flicked the switch on the machine, turning it on. The former mice squealed and cried in pain.

Gargamel settled back into his chair. "Ah, the music of essence making." He drank deeply from his goblet, satisfied.

Azrael made an annoyed noise as she lifted her head up off the roll again. How rude, to make such noise while she was trying to nap. With a disgruntled sigh, she stood slowly up. At least she wasn't shaking like a leaf anymore.

Gargamel noticed his familiar. "Ah, Azrael you're up. Good." Without any warning he brandished his wand, and suddenly she was a cat dressed in a smurf outfit. The feline made an annoyed yowl before her master cast the spell again, re-transforming her into a smurfette. At least her dress looked better now, even though the feline disliked the breeze.

"There, now you'll be able to blend in with the smurfs, and obtain that formula." The wizard scooped up his familiar and placed her on the ground.

"Could you change this into something less frilly?" The transformed cat complained.

"Oh, very well." Another blast from the wand and the smurfette was in smurf pants with a simple white band around her chest.

"Not what I had in mind, but I can work with this." Azrael grumbled. Knowing the impatience of her master she headed to the door, slipping out of the crack. Once on the stoop the former feline scanned the forest from the relative safety near her master's lair.

She should have asked for some kind of weapon. Being so used to always having her claws with her, Azrael now felt very vulnerable without them. She thought for a moment, then headed toward a hawthorn bush. Thorns would do where claws were absent. Pulling off three, she carried one and pinned one to her hat. The third she tucked carefully inside her hat. The thorns were like small daggers for stabbing, and the transformed familiar felt a good deal safer now that she had some form of protection.

Into the forest she walked, trying to smell old paths. At least her nose wasn't diminished in this form, unlike when her master was angry and turned her into a toad. She followed the trail of the smurf chase that happened the previous night, coming to a stop at a tree. Climbing proved to be more difficult without claws than she'd imagined, and she fell several times before she got the hang of it.

In the hollow, there was a nest of sorts, the three must have spent the night here, and then headed to their village. Taking a nap here wouldn't be a bad idea, she thought. Relatively safe and no screaming to interrupt her. She had two days at least, she was sure. Azrael dropped into the hollow and pulled some leaves over her, falling asleep within moments.

**00000**

She awoke with a start at the sound of hooting. That wasn't good, she must have been more tired than she thought. It was night outside of the nest, and she climbed out of the hole to carefully drop down to the ground. She'd better find the village in a hurry. She followed the scent of the injured one, figuring he would head back to get his wound tended to. That and the smell of smurf blood was the strongest, and some of the trail was getting too faint in places.

The trail was winding, but in the same general direction, and eventually she came to the barrier. She passed through it, looking critically at the mushroom shaped houses that wavered into view. The former feline grinned ferally. All the smurfs were likely asleep, and now was the perfect time to try and steal that formula. She just had to find the leader's house.

From house to house she went, sniffing at the doors, trying to figure out where Papa Smurf lived. The smurfs were hard to discern by individual scent though, her nose wasn't THAT good.

Wait. This one smelled of books and parchment as well. She quietly tried the door. It was unlocked. She crept in, scanning the area and glad that she kept her nightvision. This little house didn't look like the right one, so she left as silently as she came. Another dozen houses and one smelled of potion ingredients. The door was unlocked and she padded in once again. There were beakers and glass vials on a small work table, and shelves of books.

This must be it! The transformed feline started leafing through the books, trying to find the formula. She quietly checked the whole shelf, eating away her time and become more nervous as dawn approached. In her haste to reach another book, she bumped one she'd already placed back. It fell to the ground with a thud.

"Blast it Brainy! What have I told you about sneaking in here?" Alchemist growled as he looked at the shadowy figure.

Azrael fled out the door. Blast it all, that wasn't the old smurf's place! She fled down the path, wanting to be in the safety of the brush before the sun came up. She had yet to check the three larger buildings that had been built since their time in the other world. She made it to the bushes and dove in. She could make it to a tree growing near her, then spy on the village. She wove through the shrubs and scooted around the tree, climbing up the side facing away from the village.

From there, she found a fairly comfortable limb to climb out on and watch things. There were three smurfs currently outside their homes, but none of them sported the white beard she was looking for. Azrael's eyes scanned the village for more movement. Two of the three smurfs met up and left, while the other jogged out of sight. Suddenly, it seemed like the village came to life, with several smurfs coming out of doors at once.

There he was! The feline spotted the white beard and looked at the houses close to him, memorizing the layout of the area to be sure she'd check those. Azrael watched the area until her eyes closed.

She felt she was falling just before she woke back up, her arms instinctively trying to claw to find purchase. She managed to grab a handhold and stop her fall, though now she dangled by just her fingers.

"Oh no! Look out!" A voice called down from below. Great. Just great. She'd been spotted.

"Hey, use your smurf hat, remember?" Another voice called. There were murmurings that the feline barely made out with her cat-like hearing.

"Who is that?"

"Maybe it's Clueless?"

"Nah, I bet it's Lazy."

"No. I'm right here." A yawn followed.

"Hey, I see red hair, maybe it's Hackus?"

Blast it all. She was going to have to meet them, if she survived this. A name came almost instantly to her: Huntress. Any further thought unraveled as she felt the bark peeling slowly away from the tree.

With a sudden snap, the bark flaked off the tree and she was tumbling through the air and screaming. "Ahhhh!" She turned in the air on instinct, watching the ground rush towards her. Suddenly a patch of white spread out between four smurfs and that was what she landed on.

"It's another lass!" One of them called out, surprised.

"So. What's yer name, honey?" Another asked.

Finally able to get her bearings, Azrael looked up. She was surrounded by over three dozen curious smurfs.

"S-s-so many." She muttered, shrinking down to try and make herself smaller. If she were still a cat, her ears would have folded back.

"Where did you smurf from?" That one had a leaf on his hat. If they figured her out they could turn on her quickly.

"I'm Huntress. From the forest." She answered nervously. "I've never seen so many... so many like me."

"Smurf the lady some air ya mooks!" The smurf that spoke was muscled with a tattoo. What was that one called again... Heavy?

"It's a pleasure to meet yeh, Huntress." The one dressed in a skirt bowed. Azrael unfolded herself and stood. That one was another one she should know. Gutsy. That was it.

"Thank you. This is really unexpected. When I came upon this place by moonlight I thought it was a pixie village, or perhaps imps or faeries." She looked at the gathered crowd. "Never thought I'd meet so many of my kind at once."

The crowd suddenly erupted in questions and chatter. Azrael's mind raced. Should she try to answer those questions? Her knees bent as she subconsciously got ready to run.

"Enough!" The muscle smurf shouted. It wasn't Heavy, but it was close. Hefty! That was it! "Let's let Papa smurf this out. Make way."

The large smurf's hand gripped her lightly by her elbow and she started walking alongside Hefty. The transformed cat's mind raced. Come from another village? No, they'd want to know where it was. Never seen another smurf is what she was going for. That spur of the moment decision was something she'd have to stick by. Weaving a lie from the truth would be best. She was raised by the Wizard that created her, and his name was... Phineas. She could twist some of the things she did in a more positive light. Like hunting mice and rats to earn her name. She decided Phineas wouldn't be a goody wizard, nor a dark one, but one that pursued knowledge for it's own sake. The thought of trying to paint any of Gargamel's deeds in a good light almost made her laugh.

They soon arrived at a red topped house, and the two went up the walkway. Hefty knocked on the door, and Azrael... she should start mentally calling herself Huntress as to not slip up -she glanced behind her to see that the curious crowd had grown. Up the walkway came Smurfette, with a curious expression on her face.

Papa answered the door. "Hello Hefty wh- My smurfness!" The elder exclaimed as he noticed Huntress. "Who are you?"

"I'm Huntress." The smurfette responded.

"Come in, please." Papa held open the door and beckoned her inside. At least now she knew which house she needed to break into. The elder offered her a seat, and she took it while thanking him politely. Hefty and Smurfette sat down in nearby chairs and Papa took a chair facing her.

Finally settled, the older smurf began. "How did you come to find the village?" He asked. Apparently he noticed the lack of the word 'smurf' in her speech and spoke plain english.

"I just stumbled upon it really. I told... uh" She flicked her hand at Hefty, who supplied his name. "Hefty and the others that I thought it was a pixie or imp or faerie village. Oh! Thank you for catching me too. That was terribly impolite of me not to say so until now." A little sweetening to the lie never hurt. And she knew how to use manners.

"Where did you smurf from?" Smurfette asked, eyes focusing on the thorns poked through Huntress's hat.

"I was made by the Wizard Phineas of Castellac. I was something of a novelty, I earned my keep hunting down the mice and rats in his tower, it's how I chose my name."

"You were smurfed by a wizard? Did he smurf the True Blue spell afterwards?" Smurfette leaned in, and Azrael realized she'd have to say no to that. What human would know that spell?

"True Blue Spell?" The transformed feline echoed. "I thought I was a smurf already?" Huntress looked confused.

Papa stood, heading to the bookshelf and selecting a blue volume. "Unfortunately, when wizards create creatures, they're often magical copies. They're close enough to fool anyone who looks at them, but deep down, they're still created beings."

"No smurf's eyes are yellow like that." Hefty added

"So the Unicorn he made wasn't really a Unicorn?" The cat in smurf's skin asked. Hoping that they wouldn't equate yellow eyes to her real form.

"Smurfsactly." The red clad smurf said. "Fortunately, I have the True Blue Spell right here." Azrael stared at the book, a sudden dread gripping her.

To keep her cover, she'd have to be turned into a real smurf. Blast Gargamel and his hare-brained schemes!

"And you're in luck." Papa smiled. "Just yesterday I had to smurf this spell for little Sassette, so I already have all the ingredients."

"That's good." Her lack of excitement seemed to be noticed by the other smurfs, and she quickly covered. "I'm sorry. It's just overwhelming. I thought I was always real and then. Then I'm not." From Smurfette's reaction, she seemed to have passed the test.

Papa was pulling bottles off the shelves and starting his cauldron. "It's understandable. It's even possible to be frightened. But I assure you, you'll feel much more smurfy once I perform the spell." He paused thoughtfully. "Though I do have to ask if you want me to smurf the spell."

Damn it brain, think! After a moment of hesitation, Azrael couldn't see any way to explain an answer of no. "Yes."

The elder nodded to the other two smurfs in the room, who stood and left. The transformed feline felt like snatching the book away and bolting herself. But the crowd could still be seen outside the door, and she wasn't sure she could get away. Then what would they do? Send her back to Gargamel and she'd get stuck in the smurfalator again, that's what. Anything was better than that torture. Not to mention her bond as familiar kept her from moving. She still had a mission for her master.

"If you'll stand here, we can begin." The transformed smurf stood and meekly took her place across the cauldron. If she could only find a way to go against her master's commands, but that only worked if her life was in danger. The familiar bond was a lot of things, but sometimes it was a yoke around her neck.

Would the bond survive this spell?

Papa began to mix the ingredients. "Add some smurfroot for the base, then one loving truth." He dumped roots into the water, and it turned blue. Then a glowing orb was added. The blue water began to shimmer magically.

"A drop of mink oil, mimosa pollen, a dab of royal jelly, tiger lilly." Each item went into the pot and the mixture swirled slowly under it's own power.

"And less this spell be all for naught, the final thing: One hopeful thought." Papa intoned, watching the mixture swirl then produce a glowing orb of blue.

Azrael couldn't help it, she backed up fearfully as the orb flew toward her, flying into her chest. There was no pain, only a tingling sensation that spread from her chest outward.

Then it got to her head and she felt the familiar bond break as her hair changed color.

A flood of emotions suppressed by the bond flooded her and she gasped. These were her own emotions, not echoed ones projected by her master. The sudden change was exhilarating and terrifying at once. The smurfette felt something drip on her hand and realized she was weeping.

"Why?" She managed, thoroughly confused.

"Are you ok, Huntress?" Papa asked as he moved around the cauldron and put a hand on her shoulder.

"I... I don't know. It's like having a very stuffy nose and then suddenly being able to smell again. But with emotions. I never realized..." The smurfette clutched at her head. This wasn't her. She was Azrael! A mean, proud, powerful hunter! Being turned into a smurf had messed with her mind, clearly. She took a few calming breaths and wiped her eyes, shoving her emotions aside.

"I'll be fine. Thank you for finishing my creation." The former feline bobbed her head in a slight bow.

"It was my pleasure, my little smurf. Now, if you like, you can talk to Smurfette and she'll smurf you around the village. By now those two have likely smurfed your story to all the smurfs, so at least you won't have to smurf so many questions." The bearded smurf chuckled. "Well, unless it's from Nosey. He may want to interview you for the paper."

Huntress wasn't sure how she walked out under her own power. The crowd had thinned, apparently hearing her story satisfied many or someone had shooed them away. The redhead searched for blond hair and finally spotted Smurfette. She headed over to her new 'sister'.

"Um. Papa Smurf said that you would show me around?" Huntress asked.

"Oh, yes! Let's smurf the grand tour!" Smurfette turned and started with Papa's house, adding in that messing with his equipment was against the rules. As the smurfettes strolled along, they were waved to by many of the passing smurfs. The tour took up the better part of a few hours, and by the end Huntress was exhausted.

"Do you think I could get a nap in?" The redhead asked tiredly. "This has been entirely too much excitement for one day. Usually being awake at night doesn't help either."

"Oh, of course. We've got plenty of spare rooms in the smurfominiums. She pointed to the three large buildings in the village. Each was five stories tall, and about twice the size in diameter than the smaller mushroom shaped houses. These were camouflaged to look like stumps, their exterior painted a woody brown and conical roofs shaped to look like a beaver had gnawed them. They headed to the closest one.

"I know that Painter and Sculptor smurf the first two floors of this one for their studios, but I think the top three floors are smurf, and they're fully furnished thanks to Handy." Smurfette explained as she opened the door and took a sharp left into the stairwell. The third floor proved to be where the two artistic smurfs had stored the furniture from their claimed floors, and on a whim Huntress climbed one more set of stairs just to get to the top floor.

The tired former feline thanked her guide, seeking out and finding a bed. She was asleep quickly, and didn't notice Smurfette cover her with a blanket.

In her dreams Azrael hunted mice as a cat.

**00000**

She awoke again hearing a bell. Sliding out of bed and heading to the window, she watched other smurfs head towards the mess hall. It must be dinner time. Now was a good time to steal that formula and head back. She waited, watching the crowd thin down to nothing as nearly all the smurfs in the village went to eat. The former feline made her way down the stairs, heading to Papa's house.

She was almost to the walkway of the Elder's house when a smurf appeared walking around a house toward her. He noticed her immediately and Huntress cursed her luck.

"Hey, you're Huntress right? Aren't you hungry? That was the dinner bell smurfing." The smurf asked with a smile.

"Yes, and I-" Her stomach betrayed her with a hungry rumble. "I was just heading there. I think."

"Oh you're smurfing the wrong way. Walk with me?" The smurf asked.

It wasn't like she could argue. And she was hungry. "Ok. What's your name?" The female turned and started matching the smurf's pace.

"I'm Dabbler. Or Doctor Dabbler when I'm smurfing smurfs." Dabbler stared at her for a moment. "Care for a checkup?" The smurf clapped his hand over his mouth and looked embarrassed.

"What was that about?" Huntress asked. It reminded her of a bird strutting around looking for a mate. Dabbler sheepishly started explaining about Spring Fever. It was like a bird strutting, the former cat thought wryly.

A horrifying thought occurred to her. What if smurfettes went into heat? Oh that'd be the last thing she'd need. She'd have to figure out how to lock herself up, or make a potion like Gargamel did for her when she was a cat. He didn't like noisy toms invading his home. She didn't get to ask, as they were already at the mess hall. A dozen tables held the smurfs as they sat and talked or ate (or in Sloppy's case both). Along each table was a spread of foods, though the table with a rather plump smurf was looking pretty empty.

Without any information to go by, Huntress followed Dabbler as he seated himself at a table with five other smurfs. She sat down at the place beside him.

"Hey, you must be Huntress." A smurf with a white coat spoke up.

"Yes." She smiled "But I don't know any of your names aside from Dabbler."

The white coat wearing smurf started introductions. "I'm Dentist, this is Potter." A smurf with a dark brown apron on waved, blushing furiously.

"I'm Glassmaker." He had on green overalls.

"I'm Weather." This one was dressed in a plain white hat, and the former feline couldn't see anything to tell him apart.

The last smurf had on a dark hat with stars on it, and wore a cape of the same cloth. He smiled at the smurfette. "Alchemist. I could smurf you a few of my tricks." The smurf wagged his eyebrows.

Dabbler groaned. "We were smurfing so well."

"I think I'd rather get something to eat." Huntress commented with her best utterly bored expression. She really needed to learn how to dissuade this posturing. She was sure hissing and swiping at them wouldn't go over well.

Suddenly the table of smurfs decided to help her fill her plate, making comments about how this or that dish was really smurfy, and she should try it. With her plate suddenly piled high, she tried to decide what to nibble on first. Wait. Was that meat? She picked up a fork and skewered the morsel, biting into it and discovering the taste of cooked rabbit.

She smiled. "I'm glad real smurfs eat meat too. This is good rabbit." Alchemist beamed, he'd served her that.

"We don't eat as much as humans do, but we can smurf it all the same." Dabbler informed her.

"Do all smurfs hunt?" She asked, genuinely curious. None of them smelled like they hunted.

"Oh no." Dentist answered, looking amused. "Some smurfs won't smurf meat, like Vanity and Mirror. Chef and Baker usually smurf a no-meat table smurfed up at every meal. Most of our meat is smurfed by Tracker, though Greedy is pretty good at smurfing snares."

"Greedy will try to smurf anything at least once." Potter chuckled. "He got really sick when he tried to smurf raw rabbit that he smurfed once. He's also the best at smurfing mushrooms, if only because Papa had to smurf it into his head which ones could smurf him."

The conversation around her was filled with so many variations on 'smurf' the former feline began to tune it out. Huntress selected something else from her plate and chewed thoughtfully. At least as a real smurf, smurfberries didn't taste so sickly sweet. Or perhaps it was just her former sense of taste. She started questioning what the dishes were. Most were like human dishes with smurfberries added, like smurfberry tarts. Some were plain, like the bread, which was buttery and warm.

Would Gargamel even be able to change her back? She wondered suddenly. Maybe he could change her into a human. She liked that idea. Actually becoming a sorceress herself and wielding the power she'd seen her master use over the years. Perhaps she'd keep the smurfs as pets. They were amusing little creatures.

"So what is your favorite food, Huntress?" Dentist asked, dragging her from her thoughts.

The hunter smurfette thought for a moment. "Caviar. It's got this incredible fishy taste and it's so delicious." Huntress grinned with nostalgia. "Of course, I haven't had any for a while."

She paused. "I think next to that, fish in general. Of course, you can't beat the pre-meal show of a bird flapping around after you've taken off it's head." She sighed happily.

Glassmaker choked on his drink. The smurfette noticed all the smurfs at the table were staring at her wide-eyed. Apparently the non-hunting smurfs were horrified at feline dinner theater. She'd have to watch that.

She shrugged unapologetically. "Apparently that's not something smurfs do. Noted."

Potter cleared his throat. "It uh... just smurfs a little cruel." Azrael thought about that. It didn't seem cruel to her, since the bird didn't have it's head and wasn't feeling anything at that point. It wasn't like gutting a mouse and letting it drag it's entrails on the floor. Come to think of it even Gargamel hadn't liked when she did that to mice. Was she cruel by nature then? As a cat she'd never thought about it, she just was what she was.

"Not cruel, really. They don't have a smurf to feel pain." Dabbler said thoughtfully. "But it does seem unsmurfy to the animal. They're already smurfing their lives so you can eat." He finished quietly.

Huntress figured she'd better say something to get back in the good graces of her temporary hosts. "Well, so long as I live in the village, I'll be more respectful of the animals I hunt." From the pleased looks, they fell for it. Too bad she'd only be in the village for perhaps a day or two more.

The conversation turned to after dinner plans, and the former feline answered truthfully that she wasn't sure what she'd do before bedtime. After bedtime was another matter entirely. Somehow, the group talked her into going to the theatre with them, where she watched a play telling the story of the smurf's adventures in Paris. It ended with Gargamel's defeat, and Azrael remembered being grabbed by her master and pulled back through the portal. She shuddered.

"I know, scary right?" Dabbler nudged her with an elbow. "To think he almost smurfed enough power to smurf us all..." It was then Huntress realized he'd misinterpreted her shudder.

"I still would love to smurf a straight answer out of that wizard. Why attack us? Papa smurfs with Homibus for essence." Weather's lamenting surprised Huntress. She didn't know they'd freely give their essence to anyone. Did her master know about this? Or was he more cat than human, only seeing prey?

That was a good explanation, she decided, and voiced it. "Some creatures don't see the world in right and wrong, only predator or prey. The scary ones can think and plan." That only partially fit Gargamel, but she figured it a good answer anyway. The smurfs near her were quiet.

The crowd began to thin as the little blue people left to go to bed. Huntress nodded as the smurfs around her bid her a goodnight and left.

"If you don't have a bed, Huntress, you can smurf mine." Potter grinned at her. The former feline gave her bored look as Weather dragged him away. "I regret nothing!" He called out defiantly. The bored look seemed to work, she decided.

Finally free of her company, the smurfette spy made her way back to the apartment she'd slept in earlier. She only ducked into the stairwell and waited. Dusk turned to night, and soon everything was quiet. Huntress crept out and into the night, making her way to Papa Smurf's house. The door was unlocked, and she snuck in. She knew the book she had to get, and padded over to the bookshelf. The lack of light wasn't an issue for her eyes, and she pulled the book out and started flipping the pages.

It didn't take long for her find the spell, and she carefully tore it out. The ripping of the paper seemed deafening.

She finished and sighed in relief before replacing the book and heading out. Once the door was shut, Huntress trotted quickly out of the village and headed to Gargamel's.


	3. Ch 03: Like an Animal

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**-Reviews-**  
><strong>Thank you Lac Lausanne for your review! I tend to plot around and pull crazy turns here and there, so stay tuned for more. Also, the bond is partially inspired by Familiars from Dungeons and Dragons. Glad you're enjoying the story so far! :D<strong>

Chapter 03: Like an Animal

It was sometime in the middle of the night when Azrael arrived at her master's place. The area was blissfully silent, so at least the smurfalator was off. She slipped through the crack again, looking around. A mound in a transformed bed told her Gargamel was asleep. She looked at the torture device. There seemed to be a lump in every cage. The former feline's eyes widened in shock. The wizard had been very busy.

Well now. What to do? Boredom would quickly set in. If she were still a cat, she could go hunting. Unfortunately she lacked claws. She was also torn between waking her master up or letting him sleep. It would be just a small drop of repayment for getting stuck in the smurfalator, but he could also easily curse her with magic.

Finally she decided the risk was worth fighting boredom, and padded over to the elaborate four poster bed. She climbed up the curtains, pulling herself onto the bed. She made sure to stay off to one side to keep from getting squashed.

"Gargamel!" She called out.

"I told you. I. Uh." The wizard mumbled in his sleep.

Azrael got an idea, pulling the thorn out of her hat. She then jabbed her master in the foot with it. She felt a bit vindicated, being able to harm him after being run through the smurfalator.

"Ahh!" The human screamed, his foot jerking away from the pain and both hands going to the wounded appendage to try and soothe the pain. He sat up and saw his familiar, but didn't recognize her.

"Attack me in my sleep will you, you blasted smurf!" He dove for his wand.

"Gargamel it's me! Azrael!" The smurfette shouted. Why did she impulsively do that? Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Luckily, her master realized it was his former cat. "Azrael, you stupid cat! I should put you back in the smurfalator for that!" He loomed over the bed.

"Do that and I'll rip up this smurf formula." The hunter smurfette taunted.

It was almost comical, how wide his eyes became. "You did it! Oh! The smurf formula! Azrael I could kiss you! Well, if you weren't so disgustingly like a smurf." Her being a cat would've stopped him before anyway.

The cat in smurf's skin handed over the small sheet. Her master fairly skipped over to his work table and pulled out his needed supplies. Using a magnifying glass, the wizard copied it carefully over onto a larger sheet of parchment. Once he was done, he leaned back and admired the work.

"Those little beasts will never know what hit them." The human crowed suddenly.

"There's a little problem." Azrael started. She saw the raised brow as a command to continue. "In order to get that, I had the spell used on me."

"Ahhh. So that's what broke the bond. I thought you'd died." Gargamel muttered thoughtfully. "I just have to figure out a reversal to the layered spells, though you may have to spend a year or so in that body."

"Lucky me." The redhead deadpanned. With his luck in spellcasting, she figured the time would be closer to five years than one. And that was -if- the human dedicated himself to the project.

"Since you're stuck." The wizard mused, "You could be the perfect spy. Report back their movements, their weaknesses, all the information you can gather."

"Ugh. I've got to go back? But the males are like toms sniffing around me. I don't like it." Azrael whined.

"Eeew! Yeuch! I did not need that mental image! You can leave any of that out of your reports." Gargamel shuddered.

"I don't want the memories!" The former cat hissed. She didn't want her new emotions either. It was much simpler being his familiar.

"Well, you can go back, or I can put you back in the smurfalator." The human sneered. Checkmate.

"Fine. I'm going. Where's the mirror?" Huntress growled. Gargamel enchanted a small hand mirror, shrank it, and handed it to her. She tucked it into her hat. "And could I get some kind of weapon? I don't like walking around in the forest without claws."

"Alright, alright. The things I do." The wizard muttered as he dug through a trunk and pulled out a rusty dagger in an old belt sheath. Renewing it with magic and shrinking it, Azrael buckled it on gratefully. Hopping off the bed, the former feline squeezed out of the crack in the door again, setting off into the forest and heading back to the village.

The woods were quiet and starlit. It was soothing to her to be in the forest, though she found her small size annoying. The larger grasses were impossible jungles, though at least once she got in the thick copse of trees there was nothing but leaf litter and the occasional rock or log to go around or over.

What if a smurf saw her coming back in? She supposed she could always say she went hunting. Why not hunt? Show them how to kill properly. Using her nose, she followed a promising trail. It didn't take her long to find the common quail in it's nest. The bird actually opened it's eyes and looked at her without fleeing. Fatal mistake, she thought gleefully. One quick jab with the dagger through the eye and into the brain and the bird flopped uselessly along the ground until it's death throes were complete.

Now she had to drag it back to the village. Cleaning her weapon and sheathing it, she grabbed a wing and started pulling. It was slow going, having to drag something a little more than her own body weight through the woods. By the time she reached the village, tired and sweating, the sun had just risen.

She dragged the bird over a bridge that spanned a small creek. She stopped as a small crowd gathered before her, and dropped the wing just on the village side of the bridge.

"I've got breakfast." She announced proudly. Rather than accepting the meat, the smurfs just stared. One with a flower in his hat fainted. Her feline hearing picked up some of the mutterings.

"That poor bird!" There were a lot of interations of this one.

"She killed it." And this one.

"Well her name -is- Huntress." At least a few of them understood.

The former feline was about to say something when she heard a voice behind her.

"Hvad smølf!" She whirled around to see two backpack wearing smurfs, one with a bow and the other with a walking stick.

The bowsmurf spoke again. "Du have to field dress the animal before you bring it in, dame. It makes quite a mess." The other smurf only stared at her. Tracker was shocked. What was Azrael doing in the village? Did the other smurfs know?

Finally she gave an annoyed sigh. "Fine." She picked up the wing she'd used to drag it and turned the carcass slowly, so she could drag it back over the bridge. This seemed to snap the smurf with the stick out of his trance. He had a feather in his hat, she noted.

Both smurfs stepped off the bridge, but the feather capped smurf came closer to her. "Might I assist?" He asked.

He was close enough that she could smell him. This was was a hunter, no doubt. She nodded and watched as he waved to his bow carrying friend. He took up the other wing, and with the load lightened, they made good time out some distance from the village.

"So what's your name?" The smurfette asked. He was staring at her again and it was beginning to unnerve her.

"I'm Tracker." The woodsmurf answered. "Just here is good, we can clean the bird and smurf it back to the kitchens after." He dropped his pack down, pulling a knife from it and laying that on top of the backpack. They plucked it first, working on a side each and letting the feathers drift where they may. When they got to the wings, the smurf sat aside the pinion feathers.

"We use these for quills. Poet will like them." Tracker explained distractedly. He was thinking about what could be going on. Why would the wizard send his familiar in disguise to the village?

Once the bird was clean, Tracker gutted it with his knife, working efficiently to dress it. There wasn't much for Huntress to do at that point but watch. As a cat she usually ate the things he was throwing out. The heart especially.

Finally finished, it could be cut into any number of pieces, or kept whole and roasted. She strung the bird up with a rope, then wrapped a few leaves around it to keep from getting it or herself dirty as she carried it. The smurfette followed the woodsmurf down to the creek. There he washed his knife and arms. He turned and looked at her again, a thought coming to him.

"The bird's not poisoned is it?" Tracker suddenly asked.

"What?" Huntress wasn't expecting a question like that. "No. I caught it wild. It doesn't smell like it's been eating hemlock either."

"So this isn't some smurf of Gargamel?" The smurf raised a brow. "I smurfed who you were as soon as we met, Azzy Smurf." The woodsmurf smirked at his own joke.

Alarm jolted through her like a lightning strike. She was caught. They'd kick her out. She'd go back and get stuck in the smurfalator. "I-I'm Huntress." She tried to bluff.

"My nose doesn't lie, unlike a smurftain wizard's familiar." Tracker wasn't buying it. "You smurf too strongly of Azrael to be anything but a smurf of her." The smurf came closer to her, inhaling deeply through his nose.

"If you weren't the cat in disguise, I'd smurf something underneath, something unique to a smurf I've never smurfed before. So." He stated confidently. "What are you smurfing, Azzy?"

The smurfette's heart beat a faster as the smurf caught her scent. The truth? Or more lies? She had to decide quick, and couldn't think of any good lies. Truth it was. "Gargamel transformed me two days ago, and then I had to open my stupid mouth and ask him why he didn't just use transformed rats to get essence. He stuck me in the smurfalator to test that theory out."

Tracker's eyes widened. Just when he thought he'd seen all the cruelty humans had to offer.

With more confidence in her story, the former feline continued. "He pulled me out after about four hours, I think. He wanted the formula to make real smurfs, and sent me here to get it. I started looking for it, but couldn't find the right house before dawn. So I climbed a tree to try and find out. I fell asleep and then fell off the tree, and the smurfs took me to Papa Smurf. I lied and said I was a creation of another wizard, and then they cornered me into accepting the spell." She growled at that, but she was thinking while she was telling her tale. "It was that or blow my cover."

"The True Blue spell broke the familiar bond. I know if I go back now he'll stick me in the smurfalator for good." She shuddered. It was true, and she realized that then. Why was she still being loyal to a master that would do that? Before she supposed she could blame the bond. It suppressed any negative emotions toward her master and prevented her from harming him intentionally. But now? Habit, she supposed. It was a habit she'd have to break.

"Does Papa know? Did you smurf anysmurf what you just smurfed me?" Tracker asked.

"No." Huntress sighed, wondering why she knew that 'smurf' meant 'tell'. "If they knew, they'd throw me out."

"I think you'd be surprised." The woodsmurf offered the former feline his hand. She hesitated a moment before taking it and he led her back to the cleaning site. They gathered up the bird and backpack and headed back into the village. Tracker lead her back across the bridge and they headed to the kitchens, just beside the mess hall. Along the way, he asked his brethren about their elder's whereabouts. Huntress followed him, lost in thought.

"I smurfed him just a few smurfs ago at Farmer's fields." A smurf in red overalls told them.

"Thanks, Mason." Tracker nodded to the other smurf and they continued on. Finally they arrived at the kitchens. It was a large brick room with several fire ovens, stations for pots, and a wide area for cooking with pans. Chef and Baker were still doing breakfast preparations and seemed to be moving fluidly around each other with the practiced ease of professionals. The two culinary smurfs noticed their arrival.

"Sorry we're too busy to smurf you." Chef called out. "If you'll just smurf that up over in the corner there, we'll smurf it for lunch."

"Quite all right, chaps." The woodsmurf answered. "We're smurf then, cheerio!"

Though she had been to the fields the day before on the tour, she was glad she had a guide again. They finally spotted Papa smurf talking to a smurf in a straw hat with green overalls.

"There's Papa with Farmer." The woodsmurf noted as they headed over.

Farmer noticed them coming first. "Mornin Tracker. And you must be Huntress. Pleased to smurf ya, Ma'am." The agriculture smurf held out his hand and the smurfette shook it. Papa smurf smiled at the interaction.

"If you don't mind, Farmer, I need to smurf Papa away to have a word." Tracker looked at the Elder seriously.

"I'll be a smurf, Tracker." The bearded smurf dismissed, and Huntress backed off to go stand by the fence bordering the fields. Tracker watched her for a moment before following the smurfette and standing nearby.

The former feline wondered what she should do. She didn't like her odds outside of the village, and other humans would see her as a novelty to be caged. Going back to Gargamel was out of the question.

Would the smurfs truly allow her to stay if she lay all of her cards on the table?

The mirror suddenly felt heavy on her head where it rested under her hat. Her yellow flecked blue eyes widened. The mirror! She could present that to Papa smurf. And what else? She was supposed to be a spy, why not make false reports? The chance at a little more revenge for her mistreatment made Huntress smile.

"What are you up to?" Tracker asked, eyeing what could only be a devious smile on the smurfette.

That jogged the redhead out of her plotting. "Just plotting a bit of revenge for my time in that thrice damned smurfalator."

The woodsmurf started to say something, but Papa was walking up to them.

"Now, Tracker, smurf's the matter?" The elder asked.

"I've uncovered a smurf by Gargamel." Tracker began.

Papa's eyes widened. "Perhaps we should smurf indoors somewhere. Your smurf is closest, shall we?"

"Of course, Papa." The woodsmurf led the way to his mushroom shaped house, almost identical to the rest. Outside there hung a coil of rope on a hook by the door, and below that rested a walking stick that had seen better days. Tracker pulled off his backpack and sat it just inside the door as he entered. The other two smurfs entered, Huntress looking around with interest.

Inside his home the walls were lined with hooks, each holding outdoor items. Snowshoes, harnesses, bundles of food, snares, a string of garlic. What wall space wasn't taken up by hanging items was occupied by other things, like skis or extra walking sticks. A large store of firewood was nestled by the fireplace, and a door leading to his bedroom on the other side.

"What has Gargamel smurfed this time?" Papa looked worriedly between smurf and smurfette.

"As soon as I smurfed Huntress this morning, she smelled familiar." Tracker looked at the former feline, waiting for her to confess.

The redhead sighed. "He smelled Azrael. Because that's who I am." She grumbled adding, "Or was? Ever since the familiar bond broke, I don't know." Huntress started relating her tale to a shocked Papa. She told him everything, even what she left out while telling Tracker the tale.

The bearded smurf stood stunned as he absorbed the information. It angered him that this trick would have gone off without a hitch if it weren't for Tracker's nose. But the expression on Huntress's face stopped him from saying anything yet. The smurfette looked entirely lost. That was probably the most apt way to describe it. He remembered the way she wept after she was changed into a real smurf.

The breakfast bell clanged in the distance.

And there was the issue of her theft to deal with. The spell could be replaced easily enough, thanks to Archivist, but Gargamel had that spell, and was likely turning the creatures of the forest into smurfs to extract essence.

Papa stroked his beard thoughtfully. "You said he smurfed you a magic mirror?"

The redhead pulled the item from under her hat. "I had an idea to feed him false information." She paused as she handed it to the elder. "Though that's up to you at this point."

"That's a smurfy idea." Papa mused as he studied the hand mirror. "I think after breakfast, I'll smurf a meeting for this evening. I can smurf everysmurf what I learned about this new plot, and we can decide on what to smurf."

"That's it?" The former feline asked skeptically. "I'm just accepted like that?" Something had to be up. There had to be some catch.

Tracker chuckled. "I smurf we had something of a trial for Smurfette, but she did try to smurf the village. It didn't smurf long after she started crying and smurfed she was sorry. And then we just brought Hackus and Vexy into the village without a second smurf."

Huntress arched a brow. "What about trying to eat smurfs on several occasions?"

Papa laughed. "As Azrael, you were smurfing your instincts as well as the orders of your master. As Natural Smurf has smurfed before: A cat is a cat. That would be like getting mad at the birds for singing." The elder patted his stomach. "Now, I'm sure you two are hungry, let's go before Greedy smurfs all the food."

So it -is- just like that, the redhead thought in wonderment. With Papa in the lead, they headed over to the mess hall. Once there, the leader separated from them, heading over to sit at a table with Smurfette, Vanity, and several other smurfs Huntress couldn't name.

The smurfette paused, watching Tracker head off with a purpose. The woodsmurf soon stopped and turned. He tilted his head in a 'follow me' gesture. He took a place across from a smurf with a quiver slung across his back. The female recognized him from earlier.

"Hej, Tracker." Hunter greeted cheerfully. "And hej, Huntress." The bowsmurf nodded respectfully to her.

"Hej?" The smurfette questioned as she seated herself next to Tracker.

"Ah. It smurfs hello." Hunter supplied. The former feline felt like saying something further, but instead nodded to the other smurfs at the table.

Tracker cleared his throat. "I smurf introductions are in order. Everyone, I'm sure you smurf Huntress." The smurfs at the table nodded or greeted her. "Huntress, my fellow smurfs here are Hunter," He indicated the bowsmurf. "Timber." A smurf clad in red plaid waved.

"Wooly." Tracker continued, and a smurf in a wool felt hat tipped it in her direction. "And the smurf next to him is Fisher." This one only had a fish hook in his hat to tell him apart.

"And beside you is Herder." This one she couldn't see anything to tell him apart from the standard smurf hat and pants, though the shepherd's crook that was leaning at the table was likely his.

"Any news when 'ol Traveler an' Camper are smurfin' back?" Wooly asked, helping himself to a stack of smurfberry pancakes.

"Last I smurfed, they're updating the maps due south. How far south is anysmurf's smurf." Fisher was dipping out porridge as he answered.

Huntress took some pancakes and eggs, she never liked syrup as a cat and didn't see the point of trying it out now. Instead, she poured gravy on the stack.

If the other smurfs at the table thought it odd they didn't comment.

**00000**

"My little smurfs! Attention!" Papa Smurf stood at the entrance to the dining hall on a stool. In degrees, the noise of so many conversations died down until it was quiet.

Here it comes, Huntress thought as she slid lower on the bench.

"I was smurfed this morning that Gargamel has managed to smurf the True Blue spell." He had to pause as gasps and exclamations echoed through the room. "To make matters worse, he is transmurfing forest animals into smurfs and using them in a new smurfalator to smurf essence!"

Natural shot to his feet. "How dare he!" If there was one thing that could raise the ire of the gentle nature lover, it was harming innocent creatures.

"This evening there will be a village meeting, where we will smurf out what to do. I will smurf a rough plan by then, but I'll need everysmurf to help finalize it." Papa looked pointedly at Smurfette and a few others, and each nodded in return. That meant a meeting before the meeting. He stepped off the stool and soon the noise level had risen even louder.

"I wonder how Gargamel smurfed the spell." Hunter wondered out loud.

Huntress resisted the urge to slouch lower in her seat. Any minute now, they'd find out, and she'd be tossed out. It seemed to eat at her.

Tracker glanced at the smurfette beside him. He imagined telling the table, but right after the thought that Timber would likely attack her stilled his tongue. The lumberjack was one of the more hotheaded smurfs in the village. It didn't take much to get him mad, and finding out that Azrael had stolen the spell and was sitting right in front of him would make him blow his top.

"Well, if I were Gargamel," Fisher began. Wolly laughed. "No, smurf about it. He smurfed the spell once, right?" That got their attention and Fisher continued. "So if he smurfed just bits and pieces, he could eventually smurf it right."

"Yer smurfin' him too much credit. Gargamel ain't that bright." Wolly countered. "Sides, Papa smurfed that he smurfed it, not that he smurfed it out."

"By golly it doesn't matter one smurf how that slime did it." Timber pounded the table with a hand, startling the rest of the smurfs. "What smurfs most is that we smurf those new smurfs free!" The lumberjack was already agitated.

"Smurfy point." Tracker agreed. "We have to smurf up this mess no matter how it smurfed."

Huntress tried and failed to stifle a yawn. Great, now she was tired and ... whatever this emotion was.

"You look zonked, shelia." Herder surprised her by speaking in whatever dialect that was.

"Eh, what?" Huntress asked. What was with smurfs and speaking so strangely? But they all seemed to understand each other. It was frustrating.

"I smurfed you looked tired." The shephard smurf explained.

"Oh." The smurfette began and tried to gather her wits. "I'm usually up all night hunting. I sleep most of the day."

Hunter laughed. "By the bird you smurfed in this morning, you had a good night hunting."

"Too right!" Herder exclaimed, "I smurfed about that just a few smurfs ago. Good on ya, shelia." Was it it Huntress's imagination or was that smile rather flirty?

"Thanks. I should go get some sleep." The redhead rose from the table.

"Well, might as well smurf 'em up and move 'em out. Those critters won't smurf for themselves." Wolly stood up as well, followed by Herder. Fisher waved and seemed to be fine staying seated. Huntress turned to make her way out of the mess hall.

Tracker got up, nodding at Hunter and Fisher. "Ta-ta, chaps." He tried not to be obvious that he was following the former cat. Hunter watched him go and noticed.

"Hm. It smurfs like Tracker may be bitten by Spring Fever." The bowsmurf gestured and Fisher looked.

The fishing smurf chuckled. "Well, never thought I'd smurf that. I was smurfing to wonder."

"Oh?" The archer asked.

Fisher nodded. "Like how Handy smurfs off to see Marina occasionally. That perhaps he had smurfed some love out in the wild." The smurf adjusted the fishhook in his hat and looked at his tablemate askance. "Of course, then there are the rumors smurfing why you and Tracker smurf out into the woods every spring."

"Ingen! N-no! Impossible!" The poor bowsmurf stuttered, his face going violet from blushing.

Fisher guffawed and almost fell off his chair. By the time he recovered, Hunter was scowling at him. "That was not amusing." This only caused the other smurf to start laughing again.

**00000**

Papa smurf usually sought out Smurfette and Brainy for matters of great importance, and together with Hefty, Gutsy, and occasionally Vanity and/or Grouchy, they formed a council of sorts. It was his hopes that one day, the smurfs would have good leadership from this group. So, after the announcement at the end of breakfast, he pulled Smurfette, Brainy, Hefty, Gutsy, and Vanity to the side. If he had seen Grouchy, the grumpy smurf would have been invited as well.

They met at Vanity's, which was the closest house. The surroundings were elegant, as the smurf himself expected no less than perfection from himself and his domicile. The narcissistic smurf managed to fit mirrors into the design, so that at least every wall had a reflective surface. Some where quite large, as Vanity enjoyed talking to others by way of looking at them both in a mirror. The effect actually made the house seem quite larger on the inside than it actually was.

As usual, Clumsy tagged along with Brainy. Hundred -who Vanity and others often called Mirror- had started staying around Vanity since they returned from Paris and was present as well. This didn't anger the elder, as all the smurfs would be brought in on the issue in the evening.

They were settled in a loose semicircle of plush furniture that faced the fireplace, Papa had pulled a chair from the dining room and was sitting with his back to the fireplace. He looked at each of the smurfs in the room before he began.

Hefty and Smurfette on a loveseat to his left, then Vanity, Mirror, Brainy, and Clumsy taking up the light purple sofa, and lastly Gutsy occupying a recliner, feet propped up on the well kept wooden table. Vanity was glaring at the scotsmurf for his transgression.

"This morning I smurfed out that Gargamel has smurfed the True Blue Formula." Best to get the worst over with.

"Oh no!" Clumsy gasped at the same time Smurfette let out a shocked, "But how?"

"I'm going to guess Huntress." Vanity spoke mostly looking at the large mirror over the fireplace. Look at those expressions! While his own was calm, confident, just smurfy!

"You're right, Vanity. But how did you smurf to that?" Papa asked, intrigued.

"It's becoming a bit of a pattern. Gargamel smurfs a new smurfette, they cause trouble, they get reformed. Really he should start smurfing -something- new." The vain smurf gave a little moue of distaste. "He should realize when smurf's become predictable and out of style."

The elder fought a belly laugh, though it still escaped as a chuckle. Trust Vanity to find a fashion allegory in a discussion about a dangerous enemy.

"You mean he smurfed another smurfette out of clay? I have another sister?" Smurfette asked.

"Not quite." Papa hoped to test telling the other smurfs about Azrael with this group, and this was the perfect time to bring it up. "Gargamel didn't smurf Huntress from blue clay. He smurfed Azrael into a smurf."

"Azrael?!" Brainy cried. "His familiar Azrael? The cat?"

"That explains her smurfing that poor smurfed bird into the village today." Mirror added quietly. Beside him, Vanity shuddered. The reflection smurf patted him comfortingly.

"But Papa, you smurfed her with the True Blue Spell. Does that mean she's, ya know, reformed?" Hefty asked.

"To be honest, she smurfs to be smurfing trouble smurfing out her new identity. If I had to hazard a smurf, I'd say that smurfing Gargamel's familiar had more effect on her than even she smurfs, and now to be free of that... Huntress will have to learn how to be her own smurf."

"Suspicious is going to smurf a field day with this." Brainy moaned.

"For once, I agree with Brainy." Gutsy had taken his feet off the table, and now sat with his elbows on his knees, leaning forward. "Not just Suspicious, but Nosey an' Editor too."

Papa stroked his beard. "So it's different from Smurfette, Vexy, and Hackus?"

"We didn't smurf as much history with them as we do with Azrael." Hefty agreed. "She's been trying to smurf us for years."

Brainy pushed his glasses up on his nose, a sure sign he was about to delve into lecture mode. "937 cases of nearly smurfing a smurf directly; 427 cases of smurfing a hand in whatever Gargamel had smurfed; 211 cases of smurfing us while hidden; at least 17 cases of smurfing Gargamel here to the village. And those are just those that we smurf about! Furthermore-" Clumsy nudged him with an elbow. The bespectacled smurf cleared his throat and got to the point. "There's a lot of unsmurfiness between us and Azreal, some smurfs may not look past it."

Papa nodded. "Perhaps it would be smurfy to not smurf the rest of the smurfs that tidbit then. We should give Huntress time to smurf herself as a smurfy member of the village."

"You're sure she'll smurf the right thing?" Smurfette asked uncertainly.

"I'm honestly not sure." Papa said, surprising the group. "But I have hope. And Huntress deserves to smurf a chance. I want to smurf you all that if you're truly serious about smurfing Azrael's identity a secret, you'll need to smurf on it here." He looked at his little smurfs.

"Every smurf smurfs a chance." Kindhearted Clumsy, always the first to forgive.

It was no surprise Hefty was the next to agree. "Every smurf smurfs a chance." Then Smurfette and Gutsy chimed in, followed by Mirror and Brainy.

The group looked at Vanity, who was admiring himself in his hand mirror. He knew they were looking at him, and for a moment basked in the attention.

"Could we at least smurf her to not smurf smurfed animals into the village again?" Vanity sighed primly at the lack of response. "Oh all right. Every smurf smurfs a chance."

That seemed to break the tension, and Papa moved on to the next matter. "Now, we know Gargamel is smurfing smurfs. We need to smurf up a way to get in and smurf that formula and free those transformed animals before this smurfs out of hand."

"What we need is ta smurf up a party and smurf until nightfall, smurf in, smurf the formula and the smurfed animals, then smurf out of there." Gutsy smacked his fist into his palm decisively.

"But Gargamel usually smurfs traps around his lair. We should probably smurf the area first." Smurfette countered.

"But there's nu time!" Gutsy argued. "Every smurf we waste is another those poor creatures have ta spend in that smurfalator! And they've been smurfed into smurfs no less!"

"But you smurfed to wait until dark. We have enough time to smurf someone there to smurf things." Smurfette was used to Gutsy's tendency to act before thinking.

"Good, so we go tonight then." The scotsmurf rose from his chair. "I'll smurf there meself and act as scout."

"You? You'll charge in as soon is the smurf looks clear." Hefty made a motion with his hand, using two fingers to run his hand across the air. "One good trap and we'll have ta smurf a rescue for you." The two glared at each other.

"It may be best to smurf a two smurf team." Papa tapped a finger on his chin thoughtfully. "Gutsy, I want you to smurf here so you can help smurfing the rescue team. Hefty and Brainy, you two will smurf to Gargamel's to smurf the area. The rest of us will smurf out what to smurf when you smurf back."

The decisions made, the meeting was effectively over. Brainy stood grumbling under his breath about danger, and Hefty stood, hoping none of the other smurfs noticed he placed a hand on Smurfette's knee and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

"We'll be smurf back before supper, Papa." Hefty nodded to his elder as he led the way out of Vanity's house.

Papa sat back in his chair. He always worried about sending his sons out into possible danger. But if he was left to his own devices, Gargamel would attack them in short order. And with essence, he'd very likely succeed in at least demolishing the village. Clumsy volunteered for the mission and Gutsy surprisingly accepted. The smurfs started talking about the strengths of other smurfs to take along. It was going to be a long, dangerous day.

**00000**

Grouchy was watching the baby again after watching her most of the afternoon yesterday. It made him wonder at how so many smurfs liked playing with the child, or talking about her, but when it came down to the always messy business of really taking care of her there were many who shied away.

Oh how he hated didey changes. But they had to be done, because above all, he hated hearing Baby cry more than anything. The grouch looked around to make sure he wasn't being observed before he allowed himself to smile, picking up the baby and playing 'stork' with her. He made wooshing noises and the child screamed with glee. Down and up, side to side, he made the little smurfling 'fly'. He leaned back against the rock to get a bit more leverage. They were out on a small grassy hill just inside the barrier, it was known to them as Picnic Hill.

Finally, arms tired, he lowered her back down into his lap. "Smurfing in for a landing, wooosh!"

Just in time too, he heard the smurfs coming, it sounded like Dreamy and Lazy. Gently, he sat Baby down beside of him and adopted his usual scowl.

"And there was this huge dragon, but he didn't like smurfing a dragon at all, he wanted to be a clockwork like he was before. So he was smurfing the monkey and the rest of the animals, who liked smurfing animals- Oh, good morning Grouchy." Dreamy paused in the retelling of his dream to greet the grump. "How did you get stuck smurfing Baby again?"

"Nobody asks me." He huffed. It was true. He volunteered.

"Oh, smurfing the baby always makes me so *yawn* tired." Lazy added, and then followed up with another yawn. How did Lazy even know, he hadn't really watched the child yet. Grouchy scowled.

"What doesn't smurf you tired, Lazy." Grouchy didn't mean it as a question.

But that was how the sleepy smurf took it. "Well, sleeping doesn't smurf me tired." He grinned.

Baby made a startled sound and the grumpy smurf looked down to check on her. The sun was in her eyes and seemed to be bothering her, so her rolled her over onto her belly. She pushed herself up, staring cross-eyed at the blades of grass.

"Well Grouchy, maybe that's why Papa smurfed her over to you. You're a natural smurflingsitter." Dreamy smiled as Baby tried to crawl back to Grouchy, managing a sort of scooting belly flop that did make some progress.

"Look, she even likes you." Lazy managed to not yawn.

The scooting seemed to tire the baby out, and she whined, reaching out one little arm for her sitter. The scowling smurf picked her up, holding her in one arm while she burbled happily and nuzzled into his chest. Grouchy was careful to keep his scowling expression.

"Awww!" Dreamy exclaimed at the scene. If looks could kill, Grouchy would have murdered two of his brothers right then.

"I hate 'Awww'!" He snarled. "Get out of here and smurf at something else!"

Lazy knew better than to test the ire of certain brothers, Grouchy was one of them. "Ok, we're smurfing." He tugged at Dreamy's arm. "So what did the animals smurf about the dragon?"

Dreamy hesitated for only a moment before heading off with Lazy, starting back up with the tale of his strange dream.

Once they were out of earshot, the ornery surf sighed. Baby was napping again, snuggled up to him. Looking down, a fierce protectiveness coupled with a quiet and deep sort of love shot through him. He wondered if it was what Papa felt towards himself and his other brothers. Almost as soon as he asked that question, he knew without any doubt that it was. He'd do anything to keep Baby safe and happy.

His brothers were missing out on this. But he wasn't one to go out and tell them. After all, he thought as he allowed himself a smile, he hated sharing.

**00000**

"Wrench." Handy held out his hand from underneath a large wooden contraption and Vexy passed him his favorite tool. Metallic clinks could be heard as he adjusted something. Finally he rolled out from under the machine.

"That should smurf it." The inventor smurf announced. "Farmer will be happy to get smurf one. At least I hope."

Vexy started picking up the tools and placing them back in the toolbox. "Mind if I ask you something, boss?"

"Ask away." Handy replied as he picked up a bent gear and put it in a recycling box to go back to Blacksmith's.

"Why haven't I seen you go crazy yet? I mean this whole Spring Fever thing." The dark haired smurfette asked.

"Oh I used to." The engineer grinned. Then he dug into his pocket, pulling out a heart shaped locket with two small paintings inside. He handed that to his assistant. "Then I met Marina."

The little portraits showed Handy on one side, and a green skinned female on the other, her ears resembled fins. Definitely not a smurf, the former naughtie thought.

"Marina's a mermaid." The builder answered as if he could read her mind. "We have a pretty long smurftance relationship. Sometimes it's pretty hard. But we smurf over at the lake once a month and I smurf for her every time we go to the beach." He pointed over at a corner, where a tub-like machine on wheels sat. "I smurfed her that so she could survive on land, and she smurfs it occasionally. I just keep smurfing stumped on ways to stay down underwater."

Vexy handed back the locket looked at the machine thoughtfully. "I watched a special on the Discovery Channel about underwater hotels. The concept started with a dome that held air." She walked to his workbench and picked up a spare pencil, drawing a crude half-circle and a choppy line inside of it to indicate the level of water. Then she drew a rectangle and two stick figures standing on it above the water.

Handy looked at the drawing, his eyes lighting up. "This is smurftastic! I could build a prototype at the bottom of the lake! And then..." The engineer trailed off as he started elaborating on the sketch and muttering to himself.

She'd seen the inventor like this a few times already, so the smurfette knew to back off until he was done. She shook her head and started sweeping up the shop.

**00000**

Snappy rubbed his aching back as he headed out to the fields from breakfast. This punishment was the pits. Slouchy soon caught up to his friend and the two fell into step with each other.

"I'm still smurfing from yesterday. I hope farmer smurfs us something easy today." Snappy grumbled.

"He'd probably smurf you something lighter if you told him your back was smurfing." The laid back smurf pointed out.

The short tempered smurf sighed in defeat. "Yeah, I'll smurf that. Yesterday I was so smurfed I just went to bed right after supper."

Slouchy didn't mention that Snappy often tried to do things at a fast pace to get them done faster, even though there was enough work for weeks of tireless working. Better to pace yourself, he reasoned.

They convinced Farmer that Snappy wasn't lying about his back and to their surprise, he dismissed them for the day with orders to take it easy.

As they walked back out of the field he called out after them, "And if it ain't smurfin better by lunch, go see Dabbler!"

Snappy groaned. "That's the last smurf I wanna smurf to." Whatever his reasons, the impulsive smurf didn't like going to the doctor.

"Better to get it over with now than have to stay for days later." Slouchy tried to reason with him.

The grumbling of the other smurf let him know he'd grudgingly accepted his point. They walked a while in silence, heading up to Picnic Hill to lie back and enjoy the spring sunshine. They lay there quietly for a while, both staring up at the fluffy clouds.

Finally Slouchy asked, "It's Vexy isn't it?"

"W-what?" Snappy countered, startled. He raised his head from the grass and glared at his best friend.

While the smurf was named for his posture, he was no slouch when it came to using his mind. "You were never like this when it was just Smurfette. So that smurfs you've got a crush on Vexy."

The hot-headed smurf ground his teeth. "It doesn't matter. I've got no smurf anyway." He flopped his head back down. "You've seen the way she smurfs at Grouchy and when she's got spare time, she smurfs around for him."

Just a small distance away, on the other side of a rock, Grouchy's eyes widened.

"I donno Snap. I've got a smurfing that things will work out." The laid back smurf assured his brother.

"And I've got a smurfing I'm gonna wind up like Papa." Snappy snapped.

Quietly, so he wouldn't wake up Baby. Grouchy stood up and headed off. His mind whirled and jumbled.


	4. Ch 04: Dangerous Detours

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**Reviews:**  
><strong>Lac Lausanne: Thanks again for the review! As for Gargamel, I have my devious plots that my muses will not allow to be divulged. :3<strong>

**-EXTRA WARNING- The end of this chapter contains explicit sex.**

Chapter 04: Dangerous Detours

Gargamel hummed as he flicked the Smurfalator off, giving the little beasts turned smurf a rest. Well, really it was to give his ears a rest since several of them insisted on continuing to shriek in terror and pain. That and two cages seemed to be broken, they weren't extracting essence any more.

One look at the inhabitants of the cages and he could tell that the machine wasn't broken, those two were dead. The wizard pondered. Were those two part of those first three rats he changed into smurfs?

He pulled the cages open and removed the dead smurfs. Four more and he could make some gold. Or at least test the formula to see if it required live smurfs only. After casually tossing the little blue corpses on the table, he started pulling the ingredients for the spell.

"Blast! Out of rotty rock fungus again." He dug through a standing closet and pulled out an old sack and his knife. It would take an hour or two to get the fungus and be back. Might as well keep a look out for two new replacement animals to change into smurfs. He added a smurf cage to his supplies. With a wave of his wand at a bucket of water, small bowls of water appeared in every cage.

"Enjoy your break, little beasties." Gargamel mocked as he left.

"It's a pity those creatures give so little essence, even after being transformed into real smurfs. Why even Azrael produced more than the rats did all day -combined!" The wizard puzzled this for a while, heading down lower towards the village where the caves were. What did his cat have that those rats didn't? Size? That was possible. She was the biggest animal he'd transformed and tested. Perhaps he should try to find deer, or bear, or-

"Well, well, what do we have here. An old peddler?" A voice said off to his left. Gargamel's head jerked up to see a dark cloaked man standing near a tree he'd obviously been hiding behind. Another came out from the other side of the road. The wizard glanced behind him, there were two more. Oh joy. Highwaymen. Did he have his wand? A quick check showed that it was indeed stowed up his sleeve.

With a cocky grin the wizard withdrew it from his sleeve, dipping it into his ring. "A peddler? Unfortunately for you, no. For you have challenged the Great Wizard Gargamel!"

"A wizard!" The one in front of him who hadn't spoken earlier cried. "I didn't sign on for this, Finn!"

Gargamel ignored the banter, choosing that moment to whip his wand around to capture the four of them. "Hmm. What to do with useless bandits..." He pondered out loud. They had interrupted his musing about what animal to transform into...

"Ahahaha! Yes! Smurfs! ALAKASMURF!" The wizard watched gleefully as all four men shrank and turned blue, their clothing and weapons going along for the ride. Now trapped in his magic tendrils were four human dressed smurfs, screaming in terror.

"Now to get rid of those little pointy objects." Another wave of the wand had the smurf sized swords falling from his newest catch. He opened the cage and the tendrils tossed them in.

"Please mighty wizard! Have mercy!" One of them shouted while clinging to the bars.

Gargamel chuckled. "I doubt you would be so merciful had I actually been a penniless peddler. Don't worry, you're going to spend the rest of your miserable lives as magical little blue people." The chuckle turned into a full blown laugh. Of course, the rest of their lives may amount to a few months, should they prove to be good sources of essence.

Ignoring the pleas of the bandits turned smurfs, he headed toward the cave. Gold and essence. What a wonderful morning!

**00000**

Gargamel hummed to himself as he walked along the path leading back to his hovel. In one hand he carried a sack full of the fungus he needed, and in the other he carried a small cage that held four bandits turned into smurfs. He'd finally gotten tired of their pleading earlier and had given the cage a good hard shake. Now the only sound that came was the occasional soft moan.

His home came into view and he sped up, excited about the prospect of creating a philosopher's stone and testing out his theory about larger transformations leading to more essence. He fairly kicked his door open, glancing at the smurfalator were the animals turned smurfs cowered at his arrival. No real smurfs had invaded his home again. Good. He hoped that the traps around the windows would deter them, he'd fixed the crack in the door with magic, then carved 'Knock Azrael' into the wood on the outside. If she tried to get in through a window he'd just have to pull her out of the cage and reset it.

The wizard sat the cage down beside the two dead smurfs he'd tossed onto the table earlier. One of the former humans in the cage cried out, "God, save us!" upon seeing the bodies.

Hmmm... Change the humans permanently, or start on the gold formula... Decisions, decisions. After a moment, Gargamel decided that he was more enthused over testing essence production than creating gold. He pulled out the ingredients that he'd collected after Azrael left. It wasn't often he was excited enough to go gathering ingredients in the middle of the night, he wasn't as young as he used to be! But the prospects of power, revenge, and having his every desire fulfilled spurred him into action.

The small cauldron was set, and he lit a fire under it. It was fascinating that the ingredients produced enough orbs to turn seemingly any number of temporary smurfs into real ones. At least, he'd found out it would produce around twenty at once. It was quite a happy accidental discovery, as he thought he'd have to perform the spell for each one. Well, at least he had plenty of ingredients for the spell now.

He mixed the ingredients in as he announced them aloud, finally finishing with the incantation. Four orbs of light rose from the cauldron, hovered, then flew to the bandits, changing them permanently into smurfs.

"What did you do, Wizard?!" One of them called out.

How annoying, he thought he'd cowed them already. "You've been transformed into true smurfs, that spell -so far as I know- is irreversible. Now I can see if you produce more essence than the pitiful amount given to me by these forest creatures." It was true. That he hadn't actually done any research into the spell to see if it could be reversed was none of their business.

Gargamel turned and looked at the cages on the smurfalator. Selecting the smurfs that looked the most sickly, he opened up four cages and plucked the creatures out. Those went into another cage, and he picked up the one with the former humans.

"One little, two little, three little smuuurrfs." He half hummed, half sang as he deposited his newest prisoners into the smurfalator.

"Now smurfs, break time is over." With that the wizard flicked the switch. Screams and cries filled the room in a deafening racket that Gargamel paid no more attention to than the sound of rain.

He did check the beaker attached to the machine. Instead of drops, it was almost a stream! So larger animals may indeed make a difference! Happiness lightening his footsteps, the dark haired man started on the philosopher's stone.

It wasn't long before the smurfs were ready to drop in, and he plucked up one of the dead ones to test it. In it plopped.

Nothing happened.

Gargamel gave an annoyed growl. Blast. Only live ones then. It should have dissolved into the concoction by now. He'd need something to fish that out or else the spell would ruin. What wasn't reactive with this spell? The ivory or glass... The wizard hesitated over the decision before scooping up the ivory stirring rod and prodded it into the solution.

The explosion threw him across the room.

"Blast, so it was glass." He coughed and hacked to clear his lungs. All that could be done was to start over. Grumbling at the pain in his aching back he started the formula again.

So what to do with that other body? Ah, he'd just feed it to Azr- oh wait. Huh. Well, he'd figure it out later. The cauldron had to be scrubbed out then the formula followed again. It was an hour later when he finally flicked off the switch to the smurfalator. And just in time too, the beaker needed changing.

He stoppered it and marveled at the shiny blue liquid inside. Never in his life had seen something so beautiful. The potential power this beaker contained was tremendous. Carefully, the wizard placed it on a low shelf, just at hand's reach.

"Please. Please, have mercy." One of the bandits turned smurf begged.

Gargamel ignored him, picking out two more animals turned smurf and dropping them into the cauldron. He followed that by opening the cage with the four other former animals and dumping them in as well.

He watched the brew with interest. He'd never gotten this far, after all. The mixture within began to churn, shrinking down upon itself in a slow swirling motion. Eventually, it settled into a blood red spheroid, a stripe of blue spiraling outward from the center in a Fibonacci spiral.

To Gargamel, it looked rather like a stylized G.

Lightheaded with triumph, he plucked the gem out of the cauldron. It was warm to the touch, but not hot, an attestment to the magic it held. He killed the flame almost absentmindedly, still staring at the stone.

Time to test it! Where was that lead cup? The wizard gleefully dug through a trunk and his standing closet, before finding the dented cup used to hold some ground snake scales on one of his shelves. Those he dumped out onto the shelf itself.

"Now if the legends are true, I have only to touch the cup with the stone and..." He touched the two objects together, watching the cup critically. Slowly, from the point the cup was touched, it turned to gold.

"Ah hahaha! I've done it! Everything is within my grasp now!" Gargamel did a little happy jig as he held the cup and stone aloft.

A knock at his door interrupted his festivities. "Who could that be?" The wizard growled, annoyed. Slipping the stone into his pocket, he opened the door. There was the magic trinket peddler, come along on his monthly visit.

"Ah, hello Orex." Gargamel greeted. "I wasn't expecting you."

"My apologies," The peddler pushed his box into the open door. "But I ran into an interesting set of wares, it was an estate sale. Tamnus the Wizened passed recently and his nieces and nephews were no wizards." As he spoke he set up his wares.

"Ah, it seems fortune is smiling on us both." The wizard started looking curiously at the trinkets. Crystals, alchemical instruments, obviously enchanted rings and jewelry, small statuettes, holy symbols, an old shriveled paw of some primate, and enough items that by the end, Orex had spread the collection down to the floor.

"Help us sir! We've been captured by this evil wizard!" Ah, there they were. The dark clad wizard glared at the cages. He expected shouting as soon as the peddler came in, were they all asleep or something?

"My word, what are those creatures?" The peddler asked, pushing a pair of spectacles up on his nose.

"They're called smurfs. They're little blue trouble making imps that run rampant in this forest." Gargamel sneered at the cages.

"Four of us were once human! That wizard turned us into these creatures!" The one who spoke up called out again.

"They're also horrible liars." The wizard hedged.

Orex laughed. "Regardless, it's my policy to not interfere in my client's business. I sale wares and keep my mouth shut, it helps keep my head attached to my neck." He announced with conviction. One of the former humans sat with his head in his hands, obviously weeping silently.

"Now, where were we?" The peddler started pointing out some of the items, then allowed Gargamel to ask questions.

Mentally dismissing most of the wares as unimportant now that he had the ability to do most of their properties with smurf essence, the wizard's eye was caught by a simple looking quartz crystal.

He picked it up, it was bound with delicate gold wire to a simple black leather cord. "And you called this the Spellkeeper Crystal? How does it work?"

Orex wondered if he should even get the Wizard's hopes up, but explained anyway. "From the notes," He started, digging through a book of loose papers until he found them. "It will store spells by absorbing them. The more powerful the spell, the less number of spells it is able to hold. A simple unlocking spell, for example, can be cast upon the crystal four and twenty times before it is filled and will accept no more. To release the stored spells, only the trigger is needed. It makes it convenient in a pitched spell battle, or handy for any occasion really."

Or, Gargamel thought, it could hold a few smurf transformation spells in addition to that real smurf spell. He could transform anything into a real smurf on the fly. He had to have it! "How much, Orex?"

And now the peddler winced. It'd be far too much for his often penniless customer. "I can't accept any less than thrice it's weight in gold."

The wizard guessed the crystal's weight in his hand. The cup should be about right. And if it wasn't enough, he could dig up something else. Gargamel held out the cup. "Sold! Measure them both if you like." He handed the crystal over.

Orex's eyes were wide enough that the old man looked like an owl. "My word!" He checked it no less than three times to make sure the gold was real.

Finally convinced, the weight was almost right, if a little heavy on the cup's side. "My friend, you have a deal." He pocketed the cup, handing over the crystal. "Would you like anything else?"

"Nothing at this time." Gargamel answered, and waited patiently for the peddler to pack his wares to leave. Once the door closed, the wizard started another batch of True Blue spell, this time holding the crystal. All he had to do was let the orb go into the enchanted rock then use one transformation spell. Once those two spells were stored, he could test it out.

To his utter surprise six orbs floated out of the little cauldron and hit the Spellkeeper, one right after another! It glowed with a blue light, likely an indication of the spell stored within.

"Blast, I should have known that would happen." Frustrated with himself, the dark haired human pounded a fist into the table. He thought it through for a moment. It really didn't matter, he could always just cast the first transformation spell from the wand, and since the trigger for the second was the presence of a non-true smurf nearby, the crystal should release an orb automatically.

Time to test it! But first, he turned and walked to the smurfalator. Two of the bandits screamed at him, pleading. He wasn't about to let them go. Oh no. That would bite him in the end. Besides, he was doing the area a favor by keeping these highwaymen from robbing and killing their way through the countryside! He flicked the switch on, paying less attention to the screams and more to the amount of essence being produced. Assured that everything was in order, he picked up the empty smurf cage from the table and headed out the door.

**00000**

Johan stopped his horse, turning about in the saddle to look for his friend. He spotted the short blond dwarf standing next to his goat, peering at something curiously on the side of the trail.

"What have you found there, Peewit?" The dark haired youth asked, turning Bayard around to trot up to the spot.

"It's really odd." Peewit began, holding up some tiny glittering objects. "They're smurf sized swords. But the smurfs are peaceful."

"Faeries perhaps? Imps? There are a number of magical peoples in the forest. But we'll have to worry about that little mystery later. We're still on a mission for King Gerard. Those bandits were last sighted along this road." Once again, the knight turned his horse around and trotted along the road again. The highwaymen were making the road between the two neighboring kingdoms dangerous, and they took priority to any mysterious tiny swords. Caught up in his thoughts, the knight didn't check behind him to see if his companion was following.

"Later, always later." Peewit complained as he looked around for Biquette. By the time he found the goat a short distance from the trail and got back, Johan had disappeared around the bend of the path. The short blond urged his goat into a quick trot to catch up, heading around the corner and down the trail. In his haste, he failed to notice the second trail or the hoofprints in the dirt leading down it.

It wasn't long before the jester was having doubts about his path, and he turned around to look behind him. His goat suddenly skidded to a halt and he flew off her back, crashing into something far softer than a tree.

"You little imp! Attack me will you?!" The tangle of limbs snarled as Peewit tried to free himself. That voice was familiar.

Before the blond could utter a word, he heard a shout from the dark clad man. "Alakasmurf!" The jester realized that it was the sorcerer always after the smurfs.

The world suddenly grew to enormous proportions, and Peewit tumbled off the dark cloth of Gargamel's robes. He didn't notice the blue orb fly from the crystal about the wizard's neck, but he did feel the tingling sensation begin in the middle of his back and spread to his fingertips and toes. Fear gripped him as he realized he'd been transformed.

The jester hit the ground running, screaming all the while. "Jooohan!" His voice wasn't as loud as he'd hoped. Suddenly he jerked to a stop, a tendril of magic grasping him and lifting him into the air. He whistled for his goat and Biquette charged.

Another incantation by the wizard and the goat had been transformed into a female smurf. She let out a frightened bleat that sounded alien coming from the mouth of a smurf. A blue orb hit her and Peewit worried for his pet. It didn't seem to have any effect on her, however. Both he and the transformed goat were pulled back through the air and deposited into a smurf cage.

"Gargamel! Let me go!" The jester screamed. "Once Johan finds out what you've done he'll-"

"You think another boy is any challenge to me?" The wizard laughed. "I'll just get to add another smurf to my collection."

The blond started to scream for help, alternating with occasional cries of 'Mama!'. Gargamel shook the cage vigorously.

"If you know what's good for you, you'll be quiet, imp." The dark haired wizard growled.

Heading back toward his home by way of the trailless wilderness, the human was pleased overall. The crystal worked and any creature changed into a smurf could now be placed directly into the smurfalator upon his return.

It was over a half-hour into his hour long trek when he heard the snapping of branches. Curious, the stalked quietly in the direction of the sound, wand at the ready. There dressed in strange garb was a woman. Or the creature looked like a woman, only her hair was vines and leaves. It must be a Dryad, the wizard decided. He raised his wand.

"Look out!" Peewit cried, startling the creature. She turned and looked in their direction, then several things happened at once. Gargamel shouted his incantation and near the Dryad a small ball of lightning appeared. The forest creature was distracted by the lights near to her, and was struck by the spell, shrinking and turning blue.

Heedless to her transformation, the little female smurf pounced on a sheet of paper that appeared from the ball of electricity. From the motions of her head, she was reading it and didn't see the orb fly from the Spellkeeper crystal and into her side. Or if she did notice, she made no effort to dodge it that the human could see.

Only when he sent out some energy to collect the new smurf did she react, trying to roll away from the magic and failing. Another ball of lightning appeared near her as he retracted the spell to place her in the cage.

She screamed then, howling. "No! Please, let me just see that page!" Just like the last page, another appeared. Gargamel approached it cautiously. It had a list on it in some strange writing.

"What is this?" He demanded.

"Oh please, please, just give it to me!" She begged. "I'll show you!"

"Oh no, I'm not falling for that." The wizard sneered. "It's likely some kind of traaaaah!" As if to prove him right, the electricity started back around the paper he held. It didn't harm him but he dropped it all the same and the paper quickly vanished.

The little smurfette let out a heartbroken wail.

To be safe, the human incinerated the other paper with magic, ignoring the dryad's sobs. He turned and headed back home, wondering just what had transpired. His questions to the former woodspirit went unanswered, unless he counted keening. Finally annoyed with it, he was glad when his castle came back into view. It was past lunch time and he was hungry.

Gargamel's mind wandered as he entered. The few pennies he had he would spend on some lead, then turn that into gold. Then he could sell the gold and afford more lead and other things. Plopping the cage onto a table he pulled out his last bit of bread. This he transformed into a lavish meal. He flipped off the smurfalator then ate, figuring he'd give the leftovers to whatever smurfs in the cages could eat. Hm. Maybe it would be a good idea to establish a routine for the smurfalator.

In the cage on the other end of the table, Peewit nudged the weeping smurfette, Biquette standing by his side. "Hey, hey, you've gotta snap out of it. We need to find a way out of here and fast!"

"What does it matter?" The female said miserably. The blond waited for her to elaborate, but the oddly dressed smurfette only curled into a ball and wallowed in her own little world of sorrow.

The jester became impatient. "Fine, I'll find us a way out." The former human studied the cage, looking at the bars and the lock, testing them. He patted himself, looking for something that he could pick the lock with. Ah! He had a fork in his pocket. Glad the lock faced perpendicular to the wizard, he reached around and tried to pick it with the utensil in his hand. There was one tumbler, then two... blast. He had to click over one again. He fumbled again, having to start over and having to cast worried glances at the human wasn't helping.

"Come on. Come on." Peewit muttered. One. Two. And three! The door started to swing open, but he caught it.

"Hey. Hey Dryad. Come on, we're getting out of here." The jester stage whispered. The brown haired smurfette raised her head and looked. She stood slowly, looking at the door with a stare that unnerved the dwarf.

"Sneak out. I'll give you a distraction." With that, the former dryad stepped out of the cage and stalked towards Gargamel.

The former human started to go after her, but Biquette caught his arm. The black haired smurfette shook her head, urging him to follow the plan. The two crept out of the cage and looked for a way down off the table.

**00000**

"Peewit! Peewit!" Johan called. He'd doubled back and found the goat tracks going down the other path. He'd followed that path until what looked like a scuffle happened, but then the trail ended. The knight feared his friend had happened upon the bandits alone and they'd captured him.

"Wait here, Bayard." He hoped the horse wouldn't get into trouble, but he thought he saw something near the scuffle. Dismounting, he studied the ground.

"Tiny tracks? How peculiar. Could they be from a smurf?" Puzzled at this new development, he wondered what happened here. Did his friend happen upon some smurfs before his capture? If so, he had more help at least and that was a comfort.

"Johan? What are you smurfin' out here?" It was a small voice, but deep. And the human turned to see Hefty coming out of the undergrowth, followed closely by Brainy.

"Hello Hefty Smurf, Brainy Smurf. I'm looking for Peewit. He may have fallen afoul of the bandits that have been plaguing these woods. Just look at these tracks." The human gestured and both smurfs studied the prints in the ground.

"Hefty. Smurf at this print, there's no doubt!" Brainy said nervously. The muscled smurf grimaced and nodded.

"No doubt about what?" Johan asked.

"These are Gargamel's smurfprints, there's three distinct smurfings on the soles of his shoes that you can see. The bent nail, here. A large smurf there that leaves an upraised ridge on his left smurfprint; and the missing nail from the right smurf." Johan studied the tiny marks pointed out to him by Brainy.

But the pompous smurf wasn't done there. "This can only mean that Gargamel is smurfing humans into smurfs as well as forest animals, and he's smurfed and transformed Peewit and Biquette!"

"Transforming people into smurfs?!" Johan cried. "Then he's as dangerous as the bandits and must be stopped."

"He's more dangerous than those smurfs." Hefty cautioned. "He's got smurf essence and can smurf all sorts of magic."

"Then I need reinforcements." Johan decided, standing and whistling for his horse.

"But Johan, Papa Smurf smurfed that Gargamel was our problem and you smurfn't worry about him, and Papa smur-"

Johan cut Brainy off. "Sorry friend. But that agreement was rendered void the moment he began attacking humans. I'll return before nightfall. Farewell!" The knight mounted Bayard in one fluid movement and was off, galloping towards the castle. Hang in there Peewit, Johan pleaded.

"Just smurfy." Hefty grumbled. "Brainy, smurf back. Tell Papa. I'll go ahead and smurf around for a while."

"You're sure?" The bespectacled smurf asked.

"Sure as smurf. Be careful, bro." The two smurfs waved as they parted ways

**00000**

The former dryad crept around bottles, finally slinking along the small shelf along the wall that was over the table. On top of the shelf, she spotted something, a small knife used for chopping plants.

Up she climbed.

Gargamel sighed in satisfaction. That was a good meal. He looked forward to eating like that all the time from now on. A sudden thump onto his left hand startled him and he jerked, only to find he couldn't jerk his hand away. And then the pain hit him as he stared at the knife pinning his hand to the table! The dryad smurfette was picking up another knife.

"Aaaaggg!" The sorcerer screamed. Adrenaline surged through him as he jerked his body away from the insane little creature. Pain spiked for a moment as his hand came free, the knife still lodged between his index and middle knuckles.

"You crazy little rodent. I'll turn you into a philosopher's stone for this!" The little female smurf only smiled unnervingly. Gargamel fumbled for his wand as the smurfette jumped down from the table with another knife. She charged as he brought his wand up. He blasted pure energy but misjudged her position, and had to scramble backwards or get stabbed in the foot. The dance went on until the wizard ran out of room and was backed into a wall.

As the distraction had started, Peewit and Biquette slid down the table leg, bolting across the floor towards the door. A quick check showed there was no way of getting out that way, and the little blond looked at the windows as the wizard screamed his threat at the dryad.

"Naa!" Biquette pulled on him, pointing at the window near the bed. It was cracked slightly open.

"Good work, let's go!" The pair dashed across the floor to climb onto the bed. There was a gap there, wide enough that Peewit hesitated. He didn't notice Biquette backing up.

He did notice when she charged to the edge of the bed and jumped onto the windowsill.

"Ok Peewit, you can do this." He backed up, then charged. Right at the edge of the bed he jumped, flying in an arc and barely making the windowsill. Biquette helped him the rest of the way up. He glanced back to check on the dryad.

Gargamel's left hand was bleeding, knife still stuck in it. He held onto his wand for dear life, his back against the wall. The smurfette charged again, and this time he managed to aim where he thought she'd be. The blast of magic hit her, tossing her backwards like a rag doll and making her drop the knife.

"Ah HA! Victory!" He roped the brown haired smurf with a tendril of magic and watched in satisfaction as she snarled at him.

Peewit didn't stick around, slipping out of the window with his goat turned smurf and dropping to the ground.

The hidden smurf trap caught them both a second later.

The wizard looked at the cage. So the other two were gone as well. Now where could that imp be? He pulled down another, smaller cage and shoved the brown haired smurfette into it.

"They're long gone by now." She said smugly.

"So that was it. Sacrificing yourself so those two could get away, eh?" Gargamel scoffed.

"That an' I was royally pissed at you and it seemed like ah good lil bit of revenge at the time." The captive smurfette drawled.

"Then you have my sincerest apologies for turning you into a smurf and trapping you in a cage." Sarcasm just dripped from the sorcerer's words as he pressed a cloth to his bleeding hand and debated yanking the knife out now or looking for the escapees.

"That I could get over, 's been done ta me before. I was born human." The former dryad scowled and crossed her arms.

"What then, that spell? What could be so important about a spell-" The human started.

"That was my family!" She screeched at him. "The only way they could come to be with me here! Now I'm stuck here and I can never go back, never see them again!" The rage seemed to leave her then. "Never see my baby again..." She started to cry again.

Well... Gargamel shuffled uncomfortably. While he could ignore most things, a rare few managed to crack the wall he'd put around himself. He'd torn a mother and child apart, and they'd done nothing to him beforehand. If she'd truly been a creature and not a human, he probably wouldn't have felt the guilt. He was rather speciesist. He decided she was lying about being a human and felt a little better.

His hand throbbed, reminding him why he was angry with the crazy female in the first place. The wizard started digging around on his shelves. There had to be some tincture he could put on it to help it heal. Finally he found three ingredients that would make a good poultice at least. Using his right hand to crush the leaves and pellets, he added just a bit of water. Paste made, he looked back at the knife in his hand.

Oh this was going to hurt.

Breathing deeply to work up his courage, he quickly grasped the knife and yanked, screaming all the while. He threw the knife down on the floor and pressed the cloth harder to his hand. The adrenaline rush from the pain made him shake and he took several moments to recover. After what he judged to be long enough, he carefully removed the bandage.

The wound started seeping blood again. Blast, it was fairly serious then. He gritted his teeth as he packed the back of his hand with the poultice, then the front. Finding a clean cloth bandage, he wrapped up his hand. He'd have to think about what to do about that crazy one.

Instead he turned his attention to the smurfs in the smurfalator. Hmm... Having a thought, he used his wand to create a large cage with a single long smurf sized table inside it. Then he divided up the leftovers into two dozen tiny plates. There. From the looks of the cages, the four humans he'd transformed were doing better than the transformed animals. But then, humans were resilient. Already they were climbing to their hands and knees.

What disappointed him was that ten of the animals transformed into smurfs were dead. Yes, definitely time to set up a schedule. He didn't want to keep going out and finding or creating smurfs over and over. That also answered what he was going to do with the crazy one. Into the smurfalator she'd go too. He pulled a pail out from under the table, he used it for bones and other trash and it'd work well to hold dead smurfs.

The live ones he put in the cage with the food and water. Some of them didn't seem to want to move even with food so close. Hm. If they didn't get up and eat soon he'd just make another philosopher's stone with them, then they'd be useful before they expired. Dumping the last dead smurf in the bucket, he checked on the caged smurfs again. The four highwaymen were eating, and a few of the animals turned smurfs were making their way to the table. He watched the group for a moment, ignoring the rude gestures the bandit smurfs made.

Five were still not moving. Those he pulled out by hand, ignoring the panic of the rest. "Hmm. One more..." He plucked up a squealing smurf -obviously another transformed animal- and put it in the cage with the other five.

In a lighter mood, he started making another stone.

**00000**

Hefty carried a stick and prodded the ground carefully before he took a step. He could see the cage resting on the side of the house, two smurfs inside. He couldn't tell if they were part of his family, but if Gargamel found them they'd be in trouble.

The problem was that out in the open he was a sitting duck too. So he was standing behind the plants that lined the pond poking around carefully with a stick. The strong smurf knew he was supposed to just observe, but the sight of two smurfs in trouble made him want to charge across the open land and try to rescue them. If only he had something to hide under. The stones lining the path to the bridge were just too small, even if he lay prone.

The human probably wouldn't have put traps in his path though, he considered. Overcome by impulse, Hefty charged, running as fast as he could up the path and hoping that the door wouldn't open. Heart pounding, he came up to the doorstep and jumped up to flatten his back against the stone archway that framed the door.

"Hey, smurfs!" He called quietly.

"Who's there?" A smurf with blond eyebrows and no hat looked down from the cage. "Hefty Smurf! Thank goodness you're here!"

"Peewit?" So it was true! And here he thought Brainy was just making assumptions.

"That nasty wizard changed me and Biquette into smurfs. You've gotta get us outta here." The fear in the jester's voice was unmistakable.

"Smurf down. I'll smurf up and see what I can do." Hefty assured him before climbing up the cracks in the stone wall. Don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Those three words became his mantra as he slowly made his way higher.

The acrophobic smurf was almost giddy when he realized he'd finally made it. He reached out to grab the cage, pulling himself onto the rim just outside the bars.

"It's a smurfy thing this cage is made of wood." The strong smurf said as he pulled two bars apart, straining before he heard the desired snapping sound. it was quick work then to lever the bits out of place and leave an opening large enough for the pair to get through.

Biquette jumped fearlessly, hopping down between the small jut of the doorframe and the stone wall in a display that had both smurfs looking on in awe. It was far slower getting the Peewit to climb down.

"She may be a smurf, but she's still a goat at heart." The jester chuckled.

"Are you going to smurf down any time soon?" Hefty was starting to get annoyed at the short smurf's stalling. He didn't like being up there anymore than the former human did.

"I can't! It's too high!" Peewit moaned. How do smurfs stand climbing like this?

Another idea occured to Hefty. "How much do you smurf?" He grabbed the former human by the hips and lifted him without further warning. "Hm. I think we can smurf it. Smurf on my back."

As soon as the short smurf had grabbed on, the muscled smurf grabbed his hat, took a deep breath, and lept from the cage. He felt his passenger tighten his grip as the hat caught air and billowed out, forming a small parachute.

"Smurf yourself, we're about to land." The landing was rough, and they both rolled across the front stoop. Biquette helped her transformed friend up and Hefty adjusted his hat.

"Let's smurf outta here." Hefty motioned for the two to follow him, and off they ran.

"Are we going back to your village?" At the tattooed smurf's nod the former human said, "Then have I got some news for you." Once they reached the safety of the forest, the three smurfs slowed, and Peewit began to tell what he'd seen inside Gargamel's castle.

**00000**

Huntress was distracted by fatigue and swirling thoughts. She made her way to the smurfiminium in a daze, climbing the stairs and opening her door. She finally bothered to look at the room, the walls were a cream color and it was sparsely decorated with a dining table and standing closet closest to the door. There was a wooden sofa with stuffed cushions, and a small table between the doors to the bedroom and washroom. She was sure the smurfs didn't fathom internal plumbing until their first trip to the other world brought ideas back with them. Or perhaps she was wrong, the inventor one always seemed to be far ahead of his time.

It was hard to recall anything and wonder if her mindset at the time had truly been her own. She did get amusement when her former master's plans backfired. Since that made him angry, she was sure that was hers. The anger she felt at being denied food was her too, she was sure. That was usually enough to make her try and eat smurfs. Would she have gotten poisoned? Normally bright colored animals were poisonous.

Huntress started pacing. She enjoyed being pampered by anything willing to give her a friendly pet. This oddly included the smurfs after she got her paw snared in a leg trap. And it did make her feel like she shouldn't have stolen the spell. Was that guilt?

The former feline growled out loud. She wasn't used to regretting things. Grabbing her red hair, she wished she could somehow just make her thoughts go away. She took a deep breath, ready to scream.

Wait. Why did she smell another smurf?

Narrowing her eyes, she took four quick strides to the door, flinging it open. The smurf leaning across from her door jumped in surprise.

"Tracker." Huntress hissed. "What are you doing here?"

The woodsmurf composed himself, "Just smurfing in. I thought I smurfed growling."

"That was me." The smurfette scowled.

Tracker wondered for the twentieth time just what he was doing. He'd only meant to keep an eye on the transformed cat.

He voiced his next thought. "How did you smurf I was here?"

The female grinned smugly. "You're not the only one with a keen nose."

Tracker's eyes widened. So that was it. She still had her feline sense of smell. The woodsmurf wondered who might be the better tracker.

Huntress sighed. "If you're going to stand there I'm going back in." She started to turn.

Tracker found himself walking forward and grabbing the redhead's shoulder. What was he doing? He wasn't sure himself. She faced him again.

"Listen." He started. He looked at her and suddenly realized what was going on.

He was attracted to her.

Oh bloody hell.

The former feline leaned in, inhaling deeply through her nose. "Why do you smell so good?" She wondered out loud. Her proximity excited him and any half-formed thought to get himself out of the situation promptly exited his brain along with the rush of blood to other places.

Huntress wondered why she suddenly wanted to nuzzle into the smurf's chest. She felt intoxicated, like she'd rolled in catnip. The feeling pooled in her stomach and wondered if she was going into heat.

Heat!?

The daze both smurfs were in ended when the smurfette jerked back. She kept backpedaling into the living area before stopping and pointing at him accusingly.

"What are you doing to me?" She demanded.

Tracker felt like he had to reboot his mind to answer. "Doing?" He muttered, confused. He followed her into the apartment.

"Do smurfettes go into heat?" The former feline asked bluntly. That startled the male into laughing. He managed to shake his head in answer so he wouldn't anger her.

Finally he got himself under control. "No. They don't. It was just..." He trailed off for a moment. "We were just smurfing mutual arousal. That is to smurf, we're attracted to each other physically." That seemed to calm her down a bit.

Huntress watched him for a moment, he leaned against the small area of blank space between the free standing closet and the door. She'd told Gargamel at one point she didn't want the memories, but now she had changed her mind. She didn't want to think -more-.

Tracker had calmed down slightly, at least now he was able to think. He should leave but it felt as if his feet were rooted to the floor. Looking up, he saw the smurfette heading toward him again. Was she going to toss him out? He hoped for a kiss instead.

She closed the door, latching it before she hugged him. He could hear her inhaling his scent again and smelled her arousal grow stronger. When she finally pulled back he noticed her eyes were dilated. The woodsmurf leaned forward with eyes half-closed. He wanted to kiss her so badly.

Suddenly he felt her hands on his waistline and she bent down, pulling his pants off.

Tracker squawked in surprise. "Ah, Azzy, what?!" The smurf blushed violet when he realized just where she was looking and just what she was planning on doing.

His scent was strongest at his groin, and the former feline did nuzzle him then, eliciting a startled gasp from the woodsmurf. Mischievously, she licked his shaft, enjoying his strangled cry. The redhead decided she liked the flavor and licked again. The prey-like noises were just a bonus.

It was like his mind had melted into a happy buzz punctuated by small explosions of pleasure. Tracker wasn't sure exactly why he should protest this treatment anymore. The sensations stopped and he blinked.

Huntress was sliding off her pants. She turned, showing her naked bottom to him as she got down on all fours. Her stubby tail wagged in excitement. She looked back at him expectantly. He nearly tripped before he got his feet out of his pants and knelt down behind her.

He had a moment of doubt, but figured in for a smurfberry, in for a bushel. Lining his smurf up carefully, he thrust into her. They both cried out at the sensations. Experimentally, he pulled out and pushed in again. The feeling was incredible, and soon he was thrusting into the redhead at a pace that was given voice by her throaty cries. Half-moan, half-mewl, it was something Tracker found arousing by itself.

The smurfette had never felt something so pleasurable, no wonder humans mated all the time! If it felt anything like this -and by the similarities in equipment it was likely- then it explained why she would happen upon rutting couples during her hunts. The pleasure was building too, with each pump her body tightened a bit more, tensing like a bowstring. Her fingernails dug into the rug underneath them. Suddenly the bowstring snapped and Huntress yowled. Her body clenched around her lover.

"A-azzy." Tracker moaned, the new sensations of her own orgasm pushing him over the edge into a final explosion of pleasure and he pumped his seed into her. Euphoria and a sudden fatigue took him over, but the woodsmurf managed to collapse onto the rug beside the former feline instead of on top of her.

Huntress stretched, rolling over and using the smurf's shoulder as a pillow while she curled around him. Her final thought before she fell asleep was that she definitely wouldn't be going back to being a cat.

The woodsmurf's energy was slow in coming back to him, so he lay there with the redhead snuggled up to his side. After all of his attempts to stay out of the insanity of spring fever, here he was. Oh irony.

The biggest question that weighed upon his mind was: what was going to happen now?


	5. Ch 05: The Battle

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**Reviews:**  
><strong>Lac Lausanne: Thanks for your continued reviews. :D Poor Peewit, he's even shorter as a smurf! Bwahaha. Since I'm mixing the various universes together you'll see most of the regular human characters, like Homibus. I'm also taking liberties as an author for some things. And now to fun time at Gargamel's~ XD<strong>

Chapter 05: The Battle

"Papa Smurf! Papa Smurf!" Brainy ran into the village. The know-it-all made it to Papa's house, knocking on the door. After a few moments of no answer, he opened the door. The house was empty. Stumped for only a moment before he thought about the morning's meeting, he turned and dashed towards Vanity's house.

He flung open the door and barged in. "Papa Smu-Eeeek!"

"Do you mind?!" Vanity shouted. Mirror giggled nervously.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry! Just smurfing for Papa!" Brainy closed the door quickly.

From behind the door Mirror called out, "Try the mess hall!"

The bespectacled smurf tried to put what he'd just seen out of his mind as he ran off to the mess hall. He called out for their leader again, looking around for the noticeable red amongst all the smurfs leaving from lunch. There! No, that was Painter.

Wait, there he was. Brainy dodged around his brethren, hollering "Papa Smurf!"

"Brainy! What's smurfened?" Papa looked at the intellectual as he tried to catch his breath.

"Papa," He gasped "Gargamel's smurfed Peewit." He took a deep breath. "Johan has smurfed off and is bringing humans to go after him."

"Where's Hefty?" The elder asked, concerned. Smurfette had approached, carrying Baby. Other curious smurfs began to gather as well.

"Scouting by himself." Brainy was finally catching his breath. "He smurfed me to come back and smurf you about this."

Papa thought for a moment, "Smurfette, find someone to watch Baby. Brainy, smurf Gutsy, he'll tell you who we need to gather. Has anyone seen-" He paused as he spotted the smurf he needed and called out "Drummer! Call a village meeting! Get Crazy or Harmony to smurf you if need be!"

The percussion smurf nodded and ran to a corner of the mess hall to retrieve his drum. "Harmony!" He called, and the trumpet player was soon hot on his heels with trumpet in hand. Most of the smurfs were in the mess hall and they filed out, grabbing food (or plates in Greedy's case) as they left. Brainy managed to grab a roll and apple. It would do until all this business was over.

Smurfette huffed as most of the smurfs cast a sideways glance at her and scooted further away. Baby lurched in her arms and she had to catch the child before she dove to the floor. "Baby, what?" She looked in the direction that the child was making grabbing motions and saw Grouchy. The scowling smurf had his arms crossed and was glaring at scragglers as they left the mess hall.

He notice the blond looking at him and walked over. "Alright, smurf her over." He rumbled.

Startled by his offer (hadn't he just watched her this morning?) Smurfette started to question the grumpy smurf, but thought the better of it. "Thanks Grouchy, you're a smurfsaver." She passed the child off to the scowling smurf and jogged from the mess hall. It was quiet without all the smurfs inside and his slow footsteps echoed.

He paused and allowed himself a smile. "Let's see what's smurfing, Baby." The smurfling cooed and grabbed his nose. Feeling content, he carried the child out to the village square.

**00000**

Tracker woke up, feeling cold on one side and warm on the other. The beating of a drum and blaring of a horn was still going outside in the distance. The woodsmurf remembered just why he was laying on the floor with a naked Huntress curled up at his side. Somehow the white band that covered her had slipped down and he found himself staring at her chest. His face flushed as he picked himself up slowly. The smurfette made a noise of protest and blinked sleepily.

"Tracker?" She stretched, arching her back and curling her fingers before sitting up. "What's going on?"

"A village meeting." The male said as he pulled on his pants. "We should smurf to it."

The former feline hoped it wasn't a 'let's kick Azreal out' meeting. She sighed and pulled on her own pants, adjusting the tube top to cover herself again. She was tempted to try and tackle him to the ground and have her way with him, but her stomach started growling.

"I hope we can eat lunch after." The redhead sighed as she followed Tracker out the door.

**00000**

Counter double checked the roll. Traveler, Camper, Explorer, and Marco were absent; but those four were always out of the village trying to slake their wanderlust. Tracker and the new smurfette, Huntress, were also missing. He scanned the crowd again. Ah, there they were. Check and check.

"All present, Papa." He reported.

"Thank you Fi- ah Counter." The elder stumbled and almost called him Finance, as he often did when a smurf changed their name. The mathematician didn't mind. He was still fascinated with money, but had found that numbers in general were also interesting... Plus, changing his name helped smurfs to forget the whole coin debacle. He moved off to the side as Papa climbed up on the Speaking Stool.

"I apologize for smurfing this meeting up from this evening, my little smurfs." He began. "But Gargamel has transmurfed our friend Peewit into a smurf and likely has him in the smurfalator as we smurf!"

"No, not Peewit!" Harmony cried. Other smurfs gasped and the noise level momentarily rose.

Papa held up his hands for quiet. "This means we need to smurf now, even if Gargamel is awake. Johan has smurfed to bring humans to attack Gargamel. I fear the resulting battle will injure or even smurf those smurfs, including Peewit." He motioned to Gutsy, Brainy, and Smurfette, who stepped forward.

"The basic plan is to smurf to Gargamels, make sure he's asleep, and free those smurfs. We'll also try to smurf damage to any essence stores and the smurfalator. That plan will have to change. I'm smurfen to suggestions."

Several smurfs shouting at once created a din, and Brainy finally shouted. "One smurf at a time! Raise your smurf to be recognized!"

Gradually the noise dropped again and several hands shot into the air. The red-clad smurf looked around, picking one at random. "Handy."

The engineer dropped his hand, "I say we all smurf, like we did through the first portal." A few of the smurfs dropped their arms down as well, while others shouted in agreement. "If we just had a way to smurf him out of his castle."

"What you smurfs need is a distraction." Jokey chuckled, not bothering to raise his hand or be recognized. "And everysmurf knows I'm good at smurfing distractions." He laughed as he gently tossed one of his signature joke boxes into the air and caught it.

"Aye, that could smurf." Gutsy said thoughtfully. "A team of smurfs ta smurf up a distraction and lure Gargamel from his home. Then two teams ta enter. One ta smurf the prisoners, and the other ta wreck the smurfalator and any essence."

Papa spoke up again, "While I think it's smurfy everysmurf wants to help, we shouldn't put everysmurf at risk." He paused as the plan began to take shape in his mind. "Three four smurf teams should be more than enough."

The elder pointed to the smurfs as he called their names for the teams. "Jokey, Alchemist, Actor, and Dreamy will smurf the distraction team." Out of the crowd, three smurfs made their way to group near the blond.

"Hey Alchemist, you still smurf those ingredients?" The prankster smurf was in his element, grinning broadly when the magic user nodded. "Three smurfs, explosive glue traps."

Excitement lit up the star-spangled smurf's eyes. "Yeeess!" The two shared a fist bump. Actor wondered what the heck he was just volunteered for.

"Gutsy, Natural, Brainy, and Clumsy will smurf the smurf rescue." Papa continued. Natural was sure it was his gift for talking with animals that had him picked, but he was happy to be able to help the creatures of the forest. He wove his way out of the crowd to the front.

"Lastly, Smurfette, Handy, Vexy, and myself will desmurf the smurfalator and essence. Grouchy will smurf in charge while I'm gone." Surprised eyes turned to see the village sourpuss holding Baby and scowling.

Though he announced it, Papa spoke directly to him. "If we've not smurfed back by nightfall, smurf another rescue party and be sure to smurf around before charging in." The grump nodded.

The elder scanned the crowed. "I need the rest of my little smurfs to be ready to evacuate the village at a moment's smurf. Should Gargamel smurf here, there's no telling what he could smurf." Murmurs of agreement rippled through the assembled smurfs.

The red-clad smurf hopped down off the toadstool, which visually declared the meeting over. The crowd began to disperse. Grouchy approached the gathered smurfs with his trademark scowl in place.

"I hate being in charge." He snarked.

Papa only grinned as he watched his son with Baby. "I know. But somesmurf has to smurf it. I smurfed you're smurfsitting again." It was a non-subtle change in topic.

"Somesmurf has to smurf it." Grouchy echoed back at him. The bearded smurf thought he caught a quick half-grin, barely a twitch of the grump's lips.

The bearded smurf chuckled. He glanced at Gutsy as the scotsmurf organized his team, the distraction team had rushed over to Alchemist's and would probably stop by Jokey's as well before they headed out of the village.

Baby began to whine and the grumpy smurf felt her bottom to check it. Oh boy, she needed changing. Without a word he left the teams to head to Papa's house. The changing table had been sat up there. On the way he thought about possible evacuations and decided that it would be a good idea to pack up a bag of the smurfling's necessities just in case of attack. Then if they were out in the woods for an extended stay they wouldn't have to improvise as much.

In less than an hour the teams were ready to leave.

**00000**

"I'm sorry I can't help you more, Johan." King Gerard said sadly. "But with the constant threats to the kingdom from my relatives I have very few loyal royal guards."

The two bowmen and three knights watched their King speak to the young knight. At his feet, Clockwork chirped and whirred.

The King looked down at the tiny android, "What's the matter Clockwork?" He watched the little wooden being head over to Johan and point. "Ah, I see. Clockwork has volunteered to assist you." Gerard frowned.

"Clockwork, without my knights, I fear that one of my relatives my attack me. I know you wish to help, but would you please stay here?" The King asked his tiny adviser. After a few moments of contemplation, the android chirped and clicked. "Thank you my friend."

Back to business, Johan addressed the guards. "Thank you again, King Gerard. Come men, time is of the essence!" He bowed respectfully to the King and left with the five other men trailing behind him.

**00000**

The teams made their way out of the village, Papa wasn't sure if he should be proud or worried at the two overstuffed sacks carried by Jokey and Alchemist. At least the two smurfs were enthusiastic about their plans. The elder hoped that they would make it in time.

The group trekked through the forest as the sun began to set. Papa held up a hand to halt the teams when he thought he heard something.

"Is it much farther?" A voice whined.

"Not by much." A more familiar voice answered.

"Hefty?" Handy called out. From around a tree came the strong smurf followed closely by two unfamiliar smurfs, a male and a female.

"Handy, Papa, what's smurfin on?" The tattooed smurf asked.

"I was about to smurf you the same thing." The elder replied. "Brainy smurfed us that Gargamel had Peewit, so we smurfed up a rescue."

The unfamiliar smurf, so short he was almost smurfling sized and with blond eyebrows, smiled broadly. "You smurfs are such good friends! But Hefty already rescued Biquette and me." Behind the short smurf a dark haired smurfette pawed the ground. The jester raised a hand to pat his mount, then realized that felt awkward now.

"Peewit?" Clumsy asked in awe. "You're really a smurf!"

"I smurfed these two in a cage outside the castle. I couldn't just smurf them there." Hefty explained.

"We wouldn't have escaped if it wasn't for that dryad attacking Gargamel. That wizard probably regrets changing her into a smurf." The former human chuckled.

"Peewit, how many smurfs are there in Gargamel's smurf?" Papa asked.

"Umm..." The short smurf started. "I'm sure there's more than a dozen, but likely no more than two dozen. I didn't exactly stick around to count them... sorry." He finished sheepishly.

"It's fine." The elder assured him. "Hefty. If you'd could smurf Peewit and Biquette back to the village, we'll smurf through with this rescue."

"If it's all the smurf to you, Papa, I wanna smurf along." Hefty looked at the others.

"If Johan is heading to that Wizard's place, I need to help too." Peewit added shakily. It was more than a little unnerving to be able to understand the various uses of 'smurf' he was hearing.

"Well, from the smurfs of it we may need some extra hands. Let's get smurfing." Papa waved and the group headed off again.

Peewit was sure he must be crazy, heading back to the sorcerer's place after his transformation left him at even worse of a height disadvantage than usual. But what if Gargamel captured Johan and changed him too? Well, he'd show him just why he was once known as a goblin!

**00000**

After the transformed smurfs had eaten, he used magic to pluck them up and deposit them back into the cages of the smurfalator. He didn't want to take the chance with bites, that dryad would probably do it just to spite him. He watched that one in particular as he turned on the smurfalator.

She screamed, just like they all had. It made him feel vindicated for the throbbing in his left hand. He looked down to check the beaker of essence and did a double take.

That was a stream! How could that be? He looked at the cages. It had to be the dryad. What was special about her? How could a former magical...

"Magic!" The wizard exclaimed out loud to himself. The dryad was a magical creature before she was transformed. So to gain as much essence as a natural born smurf, he'd have to find magical creatures to transform into smurfs!

The sudden image of his godfather being turned into a smurf and stuck into the smurfalator caused him to cackle. That would show the pompous weasel! He could transform that blasted moat monster as well. And Hogatha! Why, he could go down the list of any wizard who'd ever so much as scoffed at him and turn them all into a living battery for his greatness!

He should plan this, he decided. Plucking up a quill and blank parchment, he started writing down names. The top of his list was his 'dear' Uncle Balthazar.

The first draft of the list was startlingly long.

Over an hour of crossing out and rewriting, he was satisfied. He checked the beaker on the smurfalator and had to dive to turn the machine off. He pulled out another beaker and carefully tipped the nearly overflowing one to it's side to pour the essence out so he could stopper it. He put the new beaker in place and stared at his second filled container of essence.

He should hide one, he thought suddenly. Yes. Yes. A backup plan. Or escape clause. Nothing had gone so right for him in this era for so long he suddenly wondered if he was finally getting a break or if this was just the pendulum about to swing back and hit him in the ass harder than ever before.

So. Hide this one. In the attic? No, the roof was blown off far too often for his liking. He'd take this into the basement and make some sort of hidden cache. He pulled the rug off the stairs to the basement and pulled the hatch open. The thick wooden door swung upwards and he propped it open carefully before descending into the cold depths. The place was cluttered with old things, failed smurf trapping devices, childhood toys, the Great Book of Spells on it's altar. That finicky book. If it wasn't so useful he'd try to see if he could turn it into a smurf as well.

Turning his attention to his first idea, he selected a quiet corner of the basement, one that was under the ground instead of the floor above. With a wave of his wand, a smooth stone hollow came into being, concealed behind an almost seamless portion of the basement's wall. The only notable difference was a small circle where the door release was. He closed the beaker up safely in the hollow.

Coming up from the basement, he felt like doing a jig as he closed the basement trapdoor and covered it once again. He flicked the smurfalator on again. Some of the smurfs started crying out. He paid it no attention. If he hurried, he could make his uncle's castle and surprise the man with a transformation before coming back before nightfall.

He opened his door, smurf catching sack and wand in hand, only to come face to face with six men.

**00000**

Johan slowed and stopped Bayard while the five men with him followed his lead. "We'll go on foot from here. Best not to give this dastardly wizard any forewarning."

They dismounted, Sir Raynard and his two fellow knights drew their swords and Hanz and Miel pulled their bows out, notching arrows. The youngest knight led the way, hoping that his friend hadn't been killed.

As they neared the worn down stone building they could hear cries from tiny voices from within. The dark haired youth gritted his teeth. He'd be no use at all to his friend if he lost his head and got captured too. The six humans crept quietly up to the door.

It suddenly swung open and a rather cheery faced Gargamel stepped out. The moment of shock passed quickly and out of reflex the wizard blasted the knights and bowmen away from him.

"More smurfs for my smurfalator, I see!" The sorcerer cackled as the humans tried to recover.

"Not today Gargamel!" Papa Smurf's voice rang out from the bridge over the nearby pond. With him stood over a dozen smurfs, four already arming a slingshot with a yellow gift box as ammo.

One of the bowmen had recovered and Hanz fired his arrow at the same moment the box was released.

Gargamel chose to deflect the more deadly of the two projectiles, batting the arrow away with magic. The gift box hit him in the side of the head, exploding and splattering him with goop that matted his left eye shut. He fired raw energy at the Bowman first, then he had to blast one of the knights away from him. The knight didn't rise, out cold. The second and third knights in armor had recovered and charged him.

Another joke box hit him on the leg, splattering more goop. "Will you stop that?" Snarled the wizard, annoyed. He swept his wand from one knight to the other, unleashing a steady stream of energy that knocked them back. One landed hard against a tree and slumped forward while the other splashed into the pond and had to struggle to get out with all the weight of his armor on.

The second bowman was targeted before he could even get an arrow out of the quiver, the magical blast sending the poor man flipping end over end to lie on his side sprawled over a log near the pond. Another joke box exploded at his feet, the alchemical glue spreading and just as quickly drying. Caught in the moment, the mage didn't notice.

He targeted the last bowman just as he was pulling back an arrow, then the dark haired youth. Only Sir Johan managed to roll away. The bowman was knocked back to tumble down the slope of the road to lie face first in the dirt. The agile youth charged.

Gargamel scowled at the young knight as he rushed closer. "I'll deal with you like I dealt with your little friend! Alakasmurf!" He tried to take a step back but couldn't.

At the same time, Johan slashed the wand with his sword.

The magical blast blinded any who happened to be looking. Johan was shoved to the ground by the blast.

Trying to blink the bedazzlement out of his eyes, the knight wondered why he felt tingles. And where was his sword?

He heard cheers, most likely from the smurfs. Then he heard his name being called by Peewit. His vision finally clearing, the dark haired youth realized that the world didn't just look different because he was lying prone. He held up his hand. Blue with four fingers. His sword was nearby, still sized perfectly for him, though there was a large burn into one edge.

A smurf dressed in Peewit's clothing ran up to him. From the voice it was indeed his friend. "Johan! Are you alright?"

"I'm fine Peewit." He stood up shakily and ran a hand through his hair... or tried to. He was as bald as any other smurf. Now he knew why smurfs wore hats. He felt a bit exposed without his hair.

"It's good to see you're safe, my friend." The knight turned smurf glanced to where the wizard had stood. There stood a worn out pair of red shoes glued to the stoop, smoke coming from the both of them. The door behind was blackened and charred. He looked at the men who had followed him here. They were all lying sprawled where the magic took them, one with his legs in the pond, but at least they were still human and alive.

The smurfs were approaching, Papa leading the way. Most of the little blue people were staring at their enemy's smoking shoes. The transformed knight pulled out a handkerchief and tied it like a bandanna around his baldness.

Papa had examined the shoes, looking inside them. "I had always smurfed," he began as he sat down on the doorstep "that perhaps one day Gargamel would change for the better. Now it smurfs that his ways have finally caught up to him." His words stopped the silent rejoicing of some of the smurfs. Smurfette and Vexy hugged each other and the blond started crying.

Johan approached the step. "I'm sorry Papa Smurf, but sometimes humans are like mad dogs. It's a kinder for all involved to put them down."

Gutsy and Hefty were leading 8 of the other smurfs in climbing up to the window. Papa took a breath and got up, heading over to help.

It only took Johan a moment to decide. "Come Peewit, we'll help." The miniature knight was surprised that his short friend started climbing without much grumbling. Biquette was by far the quickest climber, beating even Gutsy to the top to stand on the windowsill due to her terrifying jumps. She then demonstrated the easy way to get down to the ground by taking a running leap onto the bed.

"Not bad for a goat turned smurf." The scotsmurf grinned. "But smurfs can smurf pretty far." With that the adventurous smurf jumped from the sill to the floor. The other smurfs made it to the top and started jumping to the floor as well.

"You can do that?" Peewit asked nervously as he watched them.

"Easy as smurf." Jokey answered before he hopped off. "Smurfs are built tougher than humans." Due to their size they had to be.

Peewit still jumped from windowsill to bed then climbed down the cover. Johan showed his typical fearlessness of heights and jumped down along with the other smurfs. The noise of the screams and cries was louder in here and Nat clapped his hands over his ears.

"We've got to smurf off that machine." Papa ran just behind Hefty as they headed to the smurfalator. The switch was clear, though it was a few feet off the ground.

"Smurf ladder, go!" Hefty shouted as he stood at the bottom. One by one the smurfs climbed into a stack, getting higher with each one added. Smurfette, her face still wet with tears, was the last to go up to be even with the switch and got the honor of turning off the machine.

In the middle Clumsy jerked as the room went quiet. "Woo-hoo! We did i-aaah!" His movement made him fumble Actor's foot, who let go of Alchemist's feet as his natural instinct to pinwheel his arms took over. In short order the smurf ladder collapsed in to a pile of smurfs collectively groaning, "Clumsy..."

"Sorry." The klutzy smurf apologized sheepishly. The smurfs pulled themselves out quickly. Handy found a wooden spoon and set it up as a catapult. Gutsy stood ready in the dip of the spoon, a coil of rope over his shoulder. Hefty tossed Brainy into the air and he came down on the other end of the spoon which shot the kilt clad smurf up on top of the smurfalator.

The rope was quickly tied off to a support strut of one of the cages and tossed down.

After a few moments Gutsy looked down at the other smurfs. "Papa, we have a problem. None of these smurfs look ta be in any shape ta smurf down this rope on their own."

Handy thought over the problem, thinking up and discarding ideas in a quick flurry of thought until he hit on a simplistic one. "Fire brigade catch! We need to smurf a large piece of cloth." Papa agreed and the smurfs spread out to search.

Johan was amazed at how well the smurfs worked together. He started to go help look around when the scotsmurf called to him. "Johan, if yeh dinnae mind, I could smurf a hand up here."

"Coming, Gutsy." The knight was climbing the rope before he was finished speaking.

Vexy found a spare clean handkerchief, which the smurfs on the ground pulled tight between themselves. One by one, all the smurfs in the smurfalator were freed and tossed down. They lay on the cool stone floor, trying to recover.

Nat wept at the state of the animals turned smurfs. None of them had been clothed, most had some form of filth on themselves, and every one was weak to the point of barely moving. The tenderhearted smurf rushed back to the drawer Vexy had pulled the first cloth from and got more, tearing the cloth and using his teeth to do so until Johan offered him his spare knife. He made smurf sized blankets, something to at least offer the transformed woodland creatures some comfort.

The clothed smurfs, those that had been sentient before their transformation, fared much better. Already the one Peewit called 'Dryad' was able to sit up. The female stared at nothing. The bandits turned smurfs were awake, but in no condition to move under their own power.

There were 15 transformed smurfs in all.

There was a pounding on the door. "Sir Johan, are you in there?" All of the non-transformed smurfs flinched as if they wanted to run and hide.

The miniature knight trotted to the middle of the floor in front of the door, far back enough where he was sure he wouldn't be stepped on. "I'm in here, Sir Raynard, break down the door if you have to!"

The door opened easily for a human, it wasn't locked. And in walked the armor clad knight. The human raised his visor at the sight of tiny blue people working a sort of infirmary for others of their kind. He was shocked to silence.

Johan waved from his place in the floor. "Sir Raynard, though I was able to defeat the evil wizard, I fear I've now been transformed as well. Are you and your men able to make your way back to the castle unaided?"

"Yes." The human started, then seemed to snap out of it. "Yes, Sir Johan."

"I need you to inform King Gerard that the Wizard Gargamel is no more, but I'll be staying with the smurfs while I seek a way to change myself back. Beg of him to inform my King. And that Peewit has suffered the same fate." Johan glanced at his short friend, who nodded.

"It shall be done. What of your horse?" The knight asked.

"Leave Bayard, I still have need of him." Johan smiled at the human's perplexed expression. No doubt the man was trying to envision how a smurf would mount such a large creature.

"As you wish. Luck be with you in curing your affliction, Sir Johan." The human bowed.

"And a thousand thanks to you and your men, Sir Raynard. Give my thanks to King Gerard as well." With an affirmative, the human left the door open and walked out, one of the bowmen casting a curious stare into the stone building. If nothing else, the human knight thought to himself with amusement, he had been a good distraction to the wizard.

Johan whistled for his steed and the horse came. He had to call out to the stallion and the animal lowered his head down to the smurf's level, inhaling and then snorting hard enough to make the blue knight stagger back. Bayard nickered his greeting, recognizing him by scent.

They tied the horse to the smurfalator and dragged the machine outside. It damaged the roof as the power source was forcibly broken loose. There, the knight ordered his horse to stomp the machine into pieces. The animal did so with a flourish, finally using both back feet to kick it into the pond where it sank quickly into the muck.

The beaker and a half of smurf essence that the smurfs found would be taken back to the village. Papa would put it to good use trying to change all of the transformed smurfs back into their original forms. Knowing that with the possible exception of Johan, all the smurfs had been fully transformed with the True Blue spell, Papa wondered if he would be able to change them back at all. It angered him that a spell meant to be a gift and a blessing was used so maliciously.

Handy had decided that the best way to transport all of the weakened smurfs was to make three small wagons, it was either that or to make multiple trips with night quickly coming. Vexy was annoyed that the engineer had dismissed her idea of using cloth to make multiple hammocks and letting Bayard carry them back to the village.

The disagreement did give her an idea. She whispered to Smurfette, who smiled.

The blond approached the smurf that was a knight, "Johan, can we smurf Bayard for a bit? Vexy had the idea to smurf back to the village to get some wagons and more help."

"Of course." He stumbled over the words. "I just clearly understood what you said in smurf language." He murmured to himself. The two smurfettes had climbed onto the horse's head and were heading off into the forest.

**00000**

Natural wasn't sure if he'd ever stop crying. They had found smurf sized cups in a large cage and he was using that to try and rehydrate the transformed smurfs. The four former humans had managed to sit up and were drinking water on their own, but that was the only progress he'd seen so far.

The squeaks a few of the former animals had uttered had told him that there were mice and squirrels. From the way two of them acted he was sure they were once birds, but which species he didn't know. One of them was possibly a snake, it tried to make the same motions a snake would use to slither but got nowhere due to it's new body. Another was likely a frog from the way she sat. He did a head count of his guesses. One snake, two birds, three squirrels, three rats or mice, and one frog.

The squeaks and chitters said the same thing, over and over. "Hurt. Pain. Help." Nat tried to engage them, speaking to the most vocal one, who he guessed was a squirrel. He chittered at her. "You're safe now. No one will hurt you anymore."

The former squirrel seemed to focus her eyes on him. "Safe? Safe? No hurt?" She asked back in her rodent language.

"Yes. Safe. No hurt. We friends. We help." Nat answered back. He brushed a hand along fluffy brown hair, a squirrel grey lock of hair doing the same defiance of gravity as the rest. Slowly, the blanket clad female scooted closer to him, laying her head on his lap.

She whispered. "Safe" Curling into a ball, the smurfette slept. Natural stifled a sob.

The other two former squirrels, a male and female, had apparently heard the exchange. They pulled up their weary bodies, crawling over to Nat. Both muttered 'Safe' as if in prayer. Nat soon had three soundly sleeping squirrel-smurfs making his legs go numb.

All he could do was look longingly at the other creatures and wish he was able to help them at the same time.

Actor watched the nature lover weep over the injured animals. There were too many needs and not enough of Nat to go around. Taking a deep breath, he imagined himself putting a mask on that had his brother's likeness. It was one of the things that helped him get into character.

He approached his brother, covered by sleeping smurfs. "Let them smurf I'm safe too. You can smurf them to me and see to the others." He murmured gently.

It took some chittering, but eventually the transformed squirrels lifted their heads long enough for Nat and Actor to exchange places. The actor petted hair or rubbed a shoulder reassuringly, trying to give the traumatized smurfs some comfort.

Natural spoke with the other animals in their own languages. It took him some guesswork to figure out the birds were a sparrow and titmouse, but eventually he had spoken to and reassured all of the transformed smurfs. The snake now moved his arms and legs, having to be explained what they were. Of the animals, he was the most alert. The birds had made their way to actor too and now he had two smurfs leaning against his back, their postures like birds roosting.

The three mice had curled up to themselves, sharing comfort and body heat. The frog just shivered by herself, which prompted Nat to wrap his arms around her.

Bayard finally came back, on his back were three smurf wagons tied tightly to the saddle, with several more smurfs in addition to Vexy and Smurfette. Handy reluctantly left his half-finished wagon alone and admitted he hadn't thought of retrieving wagons from the village.

During the wait, Papa and Brainy had searched for any copies of the True Blue spell. They found the original ripped page from Papa's spellbook, plus a handwritten copy on Gargamel's desk. The elder hoped that the sorcerer hadn't seen fit to make more copies.

"Should we smurf a way to smurf these books back to the village too?" Brainy wondered aloud.

"That can wait. I'd have to smurf up some shrinking powder as well." Papa shook his head. More than likely Gargamel's mother would want the books. He could easily stall until the family had picked through his belongings. He was also glad it hadn't been smurfs who had killed the human. His mother seemed just as likely to hold a grudge as her son had. And he had held on to his for almost four decades.

Below the table where Papa and Brainy stood, the wagons were almost loaded. One held the more mobile of the transformed smurfs and the full beaker of smurf essence. The half-full beaker had been divided up into four smaller vials and placed two each in the other wagons. The dryad was walking, shakily, but she had climbed into the wagon under her own power. The former humans still had difficulty standing, but were alert and talking. They had given their names as Finn, Lars, Quintz, and Samuel.

Johan looked at the men with interest. "You four were the highwaymen!"

Finn nodded, no sense in denying it now. "Aye. But I believe we've learned our lesson. I should've been a baker. I wonder if we get out of this mess I could do that."

The one called Quintz looked at his feet sullenly. "How am I to feed my kids now?"

"Stay a smurf and pass yerself off as a sideshow attraction." The dryad spoke up from her spot, leaning against the beaker of smurf essence. She didn't look at anyone as she spoke.

"Such cheek!" Finn grumbled, glaring at the smurfette.

"If yer stuck like this you may as well give your options some thought." The brown haired female shrugged.

Johan decided to diffuse the situation. "And what is your name, Milady?"

"Dryad's good enough for now, until I figure out what I'm gonna do." She answered.

The small knight wondered at that. "What do you mean by that?" He finally asked.

She shrugged again, "I mean... I don't know. I really, really don't know." She hugged her knees to her chest.

"Hey, it'll be ok." Clumsy smiled at her. She still didn't look at anyone.

"I'm just depressed." She explained shakily. "Pay no attention to me."

Clumsy had approached her corner of the wagon and put a hand on her shoulder. She flinched. Apparently she didn't like the attention. "Why are you depressed?" He asked.

She sighed. "You'd be depressed too if you knew you'd never see your family again." Her voice lowered as she spoke, in the end she was muttering and Clumsy had to strain to hear.

The klutzy smurf hugged her. "Don't be sad, Papa Smurf will smurf things right. I just know it." She relaxed a little in the kindhearted smurf's embrace.

After he let her go, she glanced at him. "Thanks."

Clumsy stood, "It's no problem, ev-oops!" The wagons had started moving and clumsy toppled over right into Lars and Finn.

"Sorry. My name's Clumsy by the way." He pulled himself off the two former humans and sat between the transformed smurfs.

The first wagon contained what Actor considered his group, five transformed smurfs that were still snuggled up against him. He honestly thought that they could fit Nat's group into this wagon as well, but it would have weighed down the wagon more.

Natural's group was second. From the sounds of the conversation when they were moving the transformed smurfs around, Nat now had a pile of mice all around him and the frog leaning against his back. The snake was rather independent, as snakes tend to be, and was trying to figure out how to work his new limbs.

Lastly was the wagon with the beaker and sentient transformed smurfs. Dryad had recovered enough to walk and was following along quietly. The beaker was heavy enough that Hefty and Gutsy pulled the rear wagon.

The trek to the village was slow and the sun set before they were half way there. Farmer had the forethought to pack lanterns along with his wagons when Smurfette and Vexy had shown up with Bayard. Now their gentle glow lit the way, providing a beacon for the horse to follow as he trailed behind the little procession.

As they passed through the barrier, Johan called to his horse. Bayard nickered.

"Stay here my friend. Find a nice meadow to graze. I'll have to figure out how to pull off your tack in the morning." The stallion leaned his head down and Johan petted the beast's muzzle affectionately. Then with a swish of his tail, the equine headed off to find a good place to sleep and eat.

Crazy was in the watchtower, scanning the forest trail. He'd been on watch since sundown, keeping an eye out for the returning smurfs. His face twitched involuntarily. He wasn't completely insane, the other smurfs knew he could hold a conversation. Though he had strange quirks that he couldn't control.

If some smurf told him to 'sound the alarm' for example, he couldn't fight performing his signature siren-like wail. At least Papa had put that urge to good use. His other random quirks were less than helpful sometimes. He played it up, goofing off like a loon to make his brethren smile. He figured it was all in good fun and they liked his antics better than Jokey's, so there was that.

There was a glow coming from the forest trail. He watched it and when the wagons came into focus he inhaled deeply and cupped his hands around his mouth.

"Aaaaaaooooooooo!" The sound echoed over the village and lights came on in the houses. By the time Crazy had finished his wail, there were smurfs coming out of their houses and heading to meet the wagon train.

In Actor's wagon, the former squirrels flinched at the sound. The smurf spoke in soothing tones, telling them that it was just a friend announcing their arrival. He wasn't sure if they understood, but they did calm down.

There was a question of beds, but after Natural spoke with the animals, he found they would prefer to sleep near each other. One floor of the closest smurfaminium (they called it the East building) was converted into a large sleeping room with many borrowed blankets for the transformed animals. Tailor had a fit when he saw their nude state and rushed to get clothes. The former bandits took the next available floor, making do with the available furniture within. Johan, Peewit, and Biquette claimed the top floor and Dryad said she'd be fine by herself on the forth.

Papa looked at the assembled smurfs, talking with each other about what had happened. "Smurfs!" He shouted. They gradually stopped and looked at their father. "It's very late and while all this is exciting, it's best to be smurfed tomorrow. I'll be smurfing on a solution in my lab all day, so I don't want to be disturbed. Now, good night and smurfy dreams!"

Reluctantly, the crowd dispersed and headed back to their homes. Within the hour, all the smurfs save for Drummer (who relieved Crazy from his watch) were asleep.

The sun rose about four hours later.


	6. Ch 06: The Waiting Game

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**-EXTRA WARNING- More Tracker/Azzy smut this chapter. Also a bit of male/male kissing/relationship.**

**Reviews:**

**Lac Lausanne: I can only say my muses aren't allowing me to divulge any spoilers. :3 Thanks again for your reviews!**

Chapter 06: The Waiting Game

(At the village, during the battle)

Vanity hooked his arm through Mirror's, leading the smurf away from the crowd after the meeting had been dismissed.

"I'm glad you weren't smurfed for that mission." The hundredth smurf confessed as they headed to the vain smurf's house.

"Oh I agree." Vanity angled his mirror so he could look at the both of them. What an absolutely smurfy vision! "While any proper smurf worth their smurf should give their all when needed, I'm glad I wasn't needed. Battles can be so unsmurfy." He gave Mirror's linked arm a squeeze. "And you darling, why, I'd have smurfed beside myself if Papa had smurfed you to go. Ah! I may have even smurfed a worry line!"

The reflection smurf smiled and patted his smurffriend's arm. To others he knew those two lines sounded self-centered, but he was fluent in 'Vanity Speak'. The egocentric smurf viewed things through a prism where everything reflected on him. But that didn't mean he didn't care. Vanity was kindhearted, if eccentric.

Entering the mushroom house, the vain smurf sighed. "I'm going to have to smurf some terribly difficult decisions, trying to smurf for this evacuation."

Mirror grinned as he picked up his overnight bag from it's spot just inside Vanity's bedroom door. "I'm done."

"Oh you!" Vanity crossed the floor and wrapped his arms around his love. "Perhaps I should just smurf you into the woods if we need to evacuate." They kissed, the flower wearing smurf taking the lead.

A few stumbling steps later they toppled onto the bed, sharing passionate kisses punctuated by breathy comments of love. At least this time there was no panicked Brainy to walk in on their makeout session.

**00000**

Snappy sighed as he knocked on the door of the mushroom house built into the stump. He heard the smurfling call out and tell him she was coming. He didn't like it, but he felt responsible for her. So here he was, making sure she got ready for a possible evacuation.

The little redhead opened the door. "Hi Snappy, what brings you here?" While the smurfling understood smurf speak just fine, she still didn't speak it.

"I wanted to make sure you were smurfing for a possible evacuation. Just smurf some clothes into a backpack or something." The impulsive smurf explained.

"I would, but... Well... wantin weasels, Snappy, I haven't got a backpack." She complained.

"Oh." The smurf stammered out. There wasn't time for tailor to make her one, and an adult pack wouldn't fit her. "Well, we could smurf some things into a pillowcase. That always smurfs in a pinch."

"Great idea!" The smurfling rushed to a standing closet to pull out a spare pillowcase, then pulled two pairs of little pink overalls from her dresser drawer. So far, those and the pair she was wearing were her only clothes until Tailor could work on some more. "What about a sleeping bag in case we have to spend the night out there? I don't have one."

"Smurf your warmest blanket. You can smurf up in that like it's a cocoon." He watched her stuff an overstuffed quilt into the pillowcase and now it was almost bulging. "That's got it smurfed. Well, I'm going to go smurf my own pack." He trailed off awkwardly and started to close the door.

"Wait! Is it ok to pack some toys?" The smurfling asked, holding up a small smurfball.

"Sure, just don't over smurf it." Snappy said, waving before he closed the door. He heard her shout 'Bye' at him through the wood. Relieved that he'd helped her a bit, he walked to his house to get himself prepared.

**00000**

This was not going to be fun. At all. Being the temporary leader meant he couldn't pay as much attention to Baby as he liked, as well as having to field annoying questions and make decisions that could have dire consequences.

Grouchy scowled. Yes, he hated being in charge. He carried what he'd dubbed the Baby Bag over his shoulder, holding the child curled safely in his opposite arm. He might as well do what Papa said and pack and emergency bag for himself.

His home was simplistic, utilitarian. The only real adornment was a small framed star made from sticks and yellow and red cloth. It was the star he'd made about six years ago when he went from burnt out on Christmas to loving it again, all because of some weird smurfnog induced dream. It wasn't really decoration as other smurfs would see it. It was a reminder to himself not to take things at face value and to appreciate what he did have.

And he probably had the biggest and most lovably annoying family in the world.

His glider hats had caught on, mostly because they were supremely useful for smurfs needing to get down from high places in a hurry. Just about every smurf had one and those who did wore them, even Brainy.

Grouchy was sure he was the only one who had six. He'd kept the first one, it now had a hole in it from some misadventure. Was it a Clumsy crash? No, wait, it was when they tried to teach him how to swim. He shuddered. He still didn't know how, nor did he want to learn how. Brainy had used one of his fancy words... aquaphobic.

Grouchy liked 'I hate water' better.

He pulled out one of his glider hats and stuffed a pair of smurf pants into them. Those he tucked under the hat he wore. There. Packed. It was good to be a smurf of simple needs.

There was a knock at the door. "G-grouchy, are y-you in th-there?" Oh joy. It was Scaredy.

He opened the door. Oh no. Scaredy -and- Panicky. The two perpetually frightened smurfs stared at him holding the sleeping smurfling.

The grumpy smurf scowled impatiently. "Well?"

Scaredy trembled and Panicky looked about ready to run screaming away from the house.

Baby chose that moment to awaken with a gentle coo. The ornery smurf looked down at his charge and she grinned back up at him. Gently, he moved the child into an upright position and she spotted the two other smurfs. She burbled and smiled again. He dug through the side bag and pulled out her rattle, handing it to the child. She swung it wildly about before sticking it in her mouth to chew on it.

Grouchy looked at the anxious smurfs. "I hate being stared at." He growled.

That broke whatever internal musings they had. Panicky took a shuddering breath, "We wanted to smurf if the evacuation plan was the same as usual."

"Yes, it is." The sourpuss answered. Why would he change it? More importantly, why did two smurfs that fed each other's fears get allowed to hang out together? "Anything else?"

Scaredy shook. Or had he ever stopped? "W-what about smurfing a p-p-pack for the smurfs g-gone with P-p-papa?"

"Ugh. I hate more work. But that's a smurfy idea. Do you smurf who went?" The grump looked at the two frightened smurfs.

Panicky closed his eyes, trying to remember. "Papa, Brainy, Clumsy, Smurfette, Hefty, Handy, Vexy..."

"G-gutsy too." Scaredy added.

"Wait. I need my quill and ink." Grouchy beckoned them into his house and pulled the rarely used items out of his desk drawer. He cast about for something to write on and wound up using the margins of the daily paper. Between the three of them, they wrote down the dozen names.

He stoppered the ink and waited for the writing to dry. If they did have to evacuate, who would carry the extra things? He'd have to delegate that. He hated delegating.

He jumped when he felt baby jerk in his arms. She was falling asleep again. He cradled her in the crook of his arm and rocked her absentmindedly until he glanced down and saw her eyes closes again. New babies sure slept a lot.

"Grouchy?" Oh no. He wasn't making some sappy face was he? He looked at the scared smurfs waited for Panicky to continue. "Um... Thanks for listening to us."

"I hate listening. But it's what a leader is supposed to smurf. And it was a smurfy idea to make packs for the rescue team." He tapped the list experimentally and it didn't smudge. "If you'll excuse me, I have some packs to smurf." He walked towards the door.

"A-all by yoursmurf?" Scaredy asked.

Panicky looked at his frightened companion. "We could help. We already smurfed our packs."

Grouchy turned to look at them for any sign of a prank. Satisfied, he finally nodded. "Ok, we'll smurf the list up into thirds, each of us can smurf a pack for four team members."

He tore the list, separating 4 names out and handing the scraps of paper to the two shaky smurfs. The grump forced himself to thank the two. They looked surprised, but waved as they parted ways.

The sourpuss smurf looked down at his list. Papa, Brainy, Handy, and Vexy.

The closest house was Papa's so he walked there first. Inside, the huge number of spellbooks, ingredients, and other trinkets overwhelmed him. How was he supposed to decide what to pack?

Smurfroot? Papa was always needing smurfroot. But it grew in the forest.

Clothes. He should start with clothes. He climbed the stairs to the bedroom loft and looked around. A standing closet was settled near the window, and he opened that. There, a hat and pants. He collected those and was about to close the door when he looked onto the shelf above. There was a large tome just peeking out from the shelf.

Curiously, he pulled it down, putting it on the bed. He opened it to the middle page randomly, and was greeted with a sketch of Vanity as a smurfling. It was Painter's work. On the opposite page was a short poem in Poet's handwriting. Below that was a small flat rock, with a label.

Clumsy spring of 599.

It was a scrapbook. Grouchy allowed himself to smile. Papa kept memories of all of the smurfs in this book. It was probably more valuable to him than any of the spellbooks downstairs.

He closed the book gently and piled the clothes on top, then scooped the little pile up with his free arm. Downstairs, he placed the items carefully on a table and looked around for a pack. He finally located an old rucksack and put the book and clothes into it. He hung the pack on a peg by the door and left. He'd have to come back for all four packs and put them into one spot after he was finished.

Who was next? He gave in to temptation and headed towards Vexy's. She lived in the south tower, on the third floor. Hackus lived on the second. He climbed the stairs and tried the door. It was latched from the inside.

He knocked, sure that a door couldn't be latched from within without there being an occupant.

Hackus's voice boomed, "Coming!" Baby startled awake and started to cry.

The child-like smurf opened the door, looking upset. "Hackus sorry! Don't cry baby!" Grouchy rocked her, shushing. The child calmed somewhat, but had started chewing on her fist. It was a sure sign she was getting hungry.

"I hate bothering you," The grumpy smurf started, huh that was almost polite. "But I need to smurf that you're making Vexy an emergency pack."

"Yup! Hackus pack!" He pointed to a huge mess surrounding a backpack.

"Smurfy. I need to smurf. Baby's getting hungry." He nodded to the former naughtie and headed back out. This time he almost trotted to the kitchens.

Inside, he saw Chef and Baker sweeping the floor and restocking a shelf with vegetable baskets. Fryer and Greedy were washing dishes.

"Hey. Do you smurf any milk? Baby's hungry." Grouchy called out.

"Of course!" Baker put down the basket and walked confidently to the icebox. From there he pulled a jar out and then a pot from one of the hooks above the stoves. He poured the milk directly into the pot and then opened a vent from the oven to let the heat warm the pot. "Just uno momento."

He wasn't sure if Baby smelled the milk or just chose that moment to fuss, but the whimpers started. He knew she'd likely be crying before the milk heated up. Holding the child one handed, he dug through the pack to pull out one of the bottles. He walked over and passed the bottle off to Baker, trusting the culinary smurf knew what he was doing.

Within a few moments the smurfling started to cry. The grumpy smurf rocked her, glancing over at Baker. He was pouring the milk into the bottle. The bread making smurf tested the temperature on the inside of his forearm before handing it to Grouchy.

Quieting the smurfling was as easy as putting the nipple of the bottle into her mouth. She suckled hungrily. The smurfs breathed a collective sigh of relief.

The sourpuss smurf watched Baby carefully, making sure she didn't choke. Next she would need burped and then probably another change. And then he had two more smurfs to make sure had an emergency pack. Not to mention taking care of whatever crisis the rest of the village could cook up.

It was going to be a long, long day.

**00000**

Tracker and Huntress went to the mess hall first. Lunch was still on the tables as it had been left. The smurfette stopped at the first table she came to and picked up a roll and cheese. Tracker walked off to the side of the hall and plucked a basket from the wall. That he filled up with rolls, apples, and smurfberries. He looked up to see the former feline approaching him with a serving plate of meat. The smug grin told him that it was likely a plate of quail that she'd caught. Before she could dump it into the basket, he picked up an unused cloth napkin. Putting the meat in that kept it together.

"So where are we going?" The smurfette asked. A few other smurfs started to enter the mess hall.

Tracker started walking, motioning for her to follow. "We still have to smurf in case of an evacuation."

The redhead shrugged. "I'm wearing everything I own."

"Then we'll smurf to my house and I'll smurf a backpack for you. I think I have a spare sleeping bag you can smurf too." The woodsmurf led the way.

She'd eaten the rolls and cheese, but wanted to fill her stomach. Regularly going hungry had made her food conscious. "So long as we can eat first. I don't like being hungry."

They walked the short path up to the mushroom house. Tracker wondered why she was so insistent about eating. He was sure she had lean times before, but she was acting half-starved.

He opened the door, walking in and leaving the smurfette to close it behind her. He sat the basket down on a small table near his window. The redhead almost pounced on it, plucking up the cloth with the meat and tearing a roll in half. She stuck some meat in the middle of the roll before squishing the whole thing flat.

Bending back over the table, she picked up another bit and ate it, her tail wagging in pleasure. The movement caught Tracker's eye and he found himself staring at her rear until she stood and turned his way.

"I don't know what they did to it, but it's so good!" The former feline beamed happily, holding a piece right up to his mouth. "Try some."

The woodsmurf opened his mouth and took the food. It was good, but it was how Chef usually prepared quail when they had it. The seasonings mixed well with the natural flavor of the meat.

She speedily finished off the small sandwich. "I was worried for a moment you'd try to pull something like Gargamel, but then I remembered that smurfs aren't like that." The female confessed as she picked up a smurfberry and looked at it as if it was going to bite her.

Tracker looked at her, concerned. "What do you mean, smurf something like Gargamel?"

"Eating in front of me when I was hungry." She took a small bite to taste the smurfberry.

Just how much did Azrael put up with? The smurf wondered. Instead, he shook his head. "No smurf would be so cruel. A smurf is more likely to smurf you some of their food and go without themselves. Or at least share." He added at the end, thinking of Greedy. Not even he would eat in front of a starving fellow smurf and not offer any. Huntress finished eating her first berry and picked up another. They tasted good to her now, at least.

Tracker picked up a roll and started eating. The conversation was less depressing, the redhead wanted to get a different style of top and they began talking about Tailor. This led to the former feline describing the traits she knew of smurfs and the woodsmurf naming them.

Plucking out the last smurfberry, the smurf tossed it to the female sitting on his bed. "So why did you never bother smurfing any of our names?"

She smiled. "When all you need to know is 'Azrael, after them!' you don't bother learning many names. I know Vexy and Hackus well because we spent three years together, Smurfette because she was created, and a few other ones that were more likely to pull my whiskers, like Gutsy." She rolled the smurfberry in her hands. "The rest were a blur of little blue mice."

The hunter smurf fought a wince as she took a big bite of the berry. She continued, "I'm pretty sure smurfs are poisonous, bright colored animals usually are."

"We do smurf sarsaparilla leaves." Tracker agreed. He walked to the door where he'd placed his backpack and picked it up. He hadn't used much of the provisions, the hunt with Hunter had only lasted half the time he'd estimated.

He glanced up at Huntress, she was watching him curiously. "I only have to smurf out a few things in this pack." He started explaining. "Then we'll smurf on a second one."

"What usually goes into a pack?" She asked, tilting her head as he pulled out a bag with some mud covered pants inside.

"It smurfs on your needs, wants, and skills. Most smurfs can smurf a night out in the forest with little trouble. Extended stays require a good smurf of preparation. I smurfed this one for hunting, so it has more tools, like my knife."

"That's one thing that's always puzzled me. Why don't smurfs carry a tool knife? There are so many times where it would have thwarted snares and nets." The smurfette patted the dagger belted to her side.

"Other than Gargamel, smurfs aren't actively hunted. But I smurf your point. They do come in handy." He pulled out his tool knife and looked at it. Perhaps he could make a small sheath for it.

"Humans have small knives that can fold into their handle." The former feline made motions with her hand.

"I've smurfed Johan using his. But I wonder if it's the weapons or if there's some smurf that makes humans smurf violent." He mused. There was a sort of taboo on weapons. After all, King had made his guards weapons and the whole village had devolved into fighting.

Huntress shrugged. "I never understood Gargamel, much less other humans."

Tracker chuckled, standing to dig into the standing closet. There he had a small store of travel food, mostly dried fruits and smurfberries. There were also a few of Handy's rather tasteless meal bars. While they had no flavor, they were compact meals that were good emergency food. Most of the more woodsy smurfs had a few stashed about.

He hadn't eaten the ones in his pack, but these would go into a second pack for Azzy. He pulled out a spare pair of pants and a hat from a chest of drawers and headed back. He packed that, then pulled another empty sack from a hook. They were useful not only to hold dirty laundry but to carry all sorts of things. He pulled the draw strings and buckled the top flap, satisfied that he was ready.

He grabbed a spare backpack from his wall, then added the meal bars. The woodsmurf explained things as he added them, the small tent, the sleeping bag, a rope, and an extra blanket. It wasn't much, but like himself the smurfette didn't need much. Closing up that pack, he sat it next to his by the door.

She grabbed him from behind, running a cheek along his shoulders in a decidedly cat-like gesture. "I think I'd like a repeat of our pre-nap entertainment."

"Azzy, I-ha!" Tracker sucked in a surprised yelp as the smurfette's hand groped him. Somehow he managed to gather his composure. "Where are we smurfing with this?"

"To the bed of course." The former feline purred as she pulled down his pants and knelt.

The woodsmurf turned then, grabbing at his pants. "No I smurf where are -we- going? Is this a relationship?"

The annoyance was plain on her face. "How should I know?" She shot back.

"Then we should smurf about it." He started.

"I don't want," She yanked at his pants, surprising him. "to talk about it." The white cloth dropped to the floor. She looked up at him. "I don't want to think about it. Everything gets confused and jumbled in my head." She leaned in and licked his shaft.

Tracker tried to talk around the explosions of pleasure. "I-it may... ah help you, ooh to..." He moaned, losing his train of thought.

Huntress grinned. She stood, taking him by the hand and gently tugged him toward the bed. He stepped out of his pants this time, bare feet padding across the floor. The smurfette jumped when her lover hooked his thumbs into her waistband and slid her pants down around her tail. Her top followed soon after.

The woodsmurf turned her around so she faced him. "If we're going to smurf this, I want a kiss." He cupped her cheek in his hand and pulled her closer.

The kiss was gentle, but the former feline assumed he meant the way humans kissed. They used their tongues too, didn't they? She parted her lips and probed the smurf's mouth with her tongue. He jumped, lips parting in surprise, and she deepened the kiss.

The hunter's tongue intertwined with her own, probing gently. The new sensations excited them, but they soon had to break apart for air.

"Thank you." Tracker murmured breathlessly. He didn't protest when she pulled away from him to crawl onto the bed. Following, he thrust into her without warning.

"Nyaahh!" Huntress's mewling moan only spurred him on. He thrust rapidly, pulling her back against him by her hips. He pulled out completely by accident and spent a few moments lining his smurf back up before starting at a slightly more controlled pace. The former feline whimpered at the loss, then moaned as he filled her again.

His lover's moans were getting more frequent, but those moans were also pushing him closer. He switched back to his rapid pace pumping into her until she cried out. The clenching of her inner walls was his undoing, his orgasm ripping through him. Another few thrusts and he was spent, pulling out of her and falling onto his side on his bed.

The redhead crawled to him and for a moment he thought she was going to kiss him. Instead, she rubbed her cheek down his, then cuddled up to him. Her breathing quickly evened out as she fell asleep.

Tracker sighed. He'd not made much progress. But now he knew a few of her issues. His mind drifted and he found himself nodding off too.

They slept until the dinner bell woke them.

**00000**

The smurfs were relieved when Smurfette and Vexy came riding up to the edge of the village on Bayard. The news rippled through the crowd as Farmer rushed to his fields to retrieve the wagons. He called to Snappy and Slouchy, telling them to bring more help.

Snappy, Slouchy, Tuffy, Potter, Hackus, and Cobbler were soon at Farmer's and pulling wagons to where the horse stood patiently. They lifted them with ropes, securing them onto the saddle. Bayard twitched as the little blue people fairly swarmed over him. Smurfette thanked him for being so patient.

The team that helped pull the wagons settled themselves onto the saddle once the wagons were secure. The group said their assurances that they would return as soon as possible and off they went.

"So Gargamel's dead. Now that's a surprise!" Jokey laughed.

"This smurfs for a celebration!" Party Planner shouted and the smurfs around him cheered. "Come Social! We must plan!" The two smurfs headed for Party's house.

The longer the rescue party was away, the more the jovial mood was tempered with worry. Had something gone wrong? Smurfette had said that Azrael was nowhere to be found during the fight or afterward. Had the cat come back to terrorize the group? Only four smurfs in the village knew where Azrael was and they were currently preoccupied.

**00000**

It was dinnertime and smurfs filed in from their chores, houses, and other activities. Some of the smurfs had even brought their packs to lean against the wall of the mess hall, just in case.

Vanity and Mirror entered and made their way to the vegetarian table. It was marked by a single white daisy. There were few smurfs who didn't eat meat, in fact they could be counted on a single smurf hand. Vanity, Mirror, Scaredy, and Natural. Others tended to eat meat in varying degrees, the outdoor smurfs like Herder, Wolly, and Tracker being the most carnivorous of the smurfs. Hunter tended to be an exception to that rule. On the rare occasions when he caught something, he wouldn't eat it himself.

Today Scaredy, Painter, and Poet were already sitting at the Vegetarian table as the other two sat down.

Painter grinned slyly at the two as they sat down, "Bonsoir, inséparables."

Painter had been one of the first smurfs to know, but still Mirror blushed. Vanity seemed unaffected, giving himself one more look in the mirror before putting it down to eat.

Scaredy trembled, taking small, careful bites of food. He was so worried. He'd heard Jokey and Aviator talking about Azrael hunting the woods after her master's death, or speculating that she'd attacked the rescue group. Why weren't they back yet? Finally his fearful nature got the better of him and he stopped eating, giving a quiet groan.

"Scaredy, darling, you should really stop smurfing that face. You're going to smurf lines." Vanity said, giving him a concerned look.

"I-it's just t-that I overheard sm-smurfs smurfing about Azrael. S-she's s-still out th-there." The frightened smurf stuttered.

"There's no need to smurf about that." Vanity dismissed.

"And why isn't there? Azrael's dangerous." Poet countered.

Vanity picked up his mirror to gaze at himself. This little trick was something he did often when trying to figure out what to say. He couldn't give Huntress's identity away, but perhaps... "I smurfed from Papa himself that Azrael the cat is no more." He smiled at his reflection. There. That was the truth if only technically and the way the others would take it would be...

"My smurfness. Gargamel and Azrael are smurfed? Who'd have smurfed!" Poet exclaimed. The vain smurf grinned. Exactly the way he wanted them to take that tidbit of information.

"Oui, it is a good thing. We will no longer smurf danger from those two." Painter agreed. He looked at his flower wearing friend.

"It is a relief." Scaredy sighed. "One less creature that c-could smurf us." He did look a little less fearful. At least, as calm as he could get. "I s-should smurf Panicky!" He grabbed his plate and was off, heading to another table.

"I think I'll smurf a poem about this. I'll call it 'Ode to an Enemy'." Muses taking hold of the bard, he was up and off to put quill to parchment.

Painter leaned toward the pair across from him. "Now that they are gone, mon ami, what did you really smurf?"

Mirror sighed and squeezed his partner's leg. Now was not the time to start gossiping.

Vanity should have known that Painter would read between the lines. He knew 'Vanity speak' just as well as his smurffriend did. He put the mirror down to look at his temperamental friend. On the one hand he couldn't break Papa's trust, but on the other the artistic smurf was his best friend.

"Painter," He started. "I've been smurfed to secrecy, or you know I would smurf you."

The artistic smurf made an annoyed growl. "So it ez for our safety that this ez smurfed?" He ground out, accent thicker.

"Yes." Especially for a certain smurfette in particular. The vain smurf added mentally.

"Very well." Painter conceded. "We will smurf to Papa Smurf when 'e returns."

"Thank you, my friend." Vanity demured.

Painter waved a hand, then looked at him with a gleam in his eye. "It is no trouble. But if you smurf, you two could pose for me. To show the passion! It would be très magnifique!"

Vanity blushed. For whatever reason Painter wished to capture two smurfs sharing an intimate moment. It coincided with the coming of every spring, making it likely that the artist's ardor was tied to his work. Spring Fever made smurfs do strange things.

Mirror finally spoke up for the both of them. "R-really Painter, private matters should smurf private. I wouldn't be comfortable smurfing something like that with an audience." The multitude of mirrors in the bedroom was audience enough.

The french smurf tapped his chin. "This is true. It would not smurf if you were embarrassed." He sighed dramatically. "I will forever be denied my dream."

"Perhaps one day you'll smurf a couple more adventurous than us, darling." The vain smurf encouraged as picked up his mirror, angling it so that he could see the hundredth smurf as well. "I don't begrudge you for trying to smurf us to be your models. Why, we're the smurfiest couple there is!"

Mirror chuckled.

**00000**

The mood after dinner was tense, most smurfs going off to finish up interrupted chores or to gossip about what may be happening at Gargamel's. Soon, they headed to their beds to sleep.

All except for Tracker and Huntress. The smurfette wanted to hunt and the woodsmurf was trying to explain that smurfs didn't hunt at night.

"There are far too many predators smurfing at night, not to smurfen it's much too dark." They were on the bridge that led back into the forest.

"Dark? I can see just fine. I kept my eyesight. And there are always predators for mice sized creatures. Hawks during the day and owls at night." The redhead scoffed.

"You're going to get yourself smurfed!" Tracker all but shouted. "The wolves smurf the forest at night. That's why Hunter and I smurf during the day."

The two smurfs glared at each other.

If the former feline had a longer tail it would be lashing to and fro, currently her tail was twitching. "I know these woods. And I know them at night. You can't tell me anything that would surprise me. And above all that," Huntress snarled, "I know how to hunt."

The woodsmurf balled his fists. "I know you know how to hunt." He ground out in human english. "Ugh!" He growled and tried to get control of his temper by gripping the rail of the bridge. A few deep breaths and he started again. "I'm just worried, Azzy."

The redhead glared at the dark water, but she was no longer flexing her hands as if they were claws. "Then come with me." She finally murmured.

Tracker's mind supplied him with a hundred ways they could meet their end in the dark of the forest. The stubborn ex-cat was going regardless of his arguments.

"What, are you scared?" The former feline goaded his pride.

"There's a smurference between scared and cautious, Azzy." He sighed. The jab stung.

The smurfette scowled and turned, heading off the bridge and into the forest. "Fine." She growled.

He'd almost lost sight of her when he finally gave in. "Wait!" He trotted to catch up to her.

She waited.

Tracker looked up at the dark canopy. "I still smurf this is a very unsmurfy idea."

"You just need a weapon." Huntress said, looking around and picking up a few sticks. She discarded some before she found a straight, strong one. Using her dagger she sharpened one end to a dangerous point.

The woodsmurf stared at the spear as she handed it to him. It felt almost like a perversion of his normal walking stick. He made the decision to discard the thing at the end of their hunt.

But for now he felt he needed it more than the taboo kept him from wanting it.

They headed into the forest, the trails were alive to their noses -moreso the male's than the female's. At the former feline's lead, they started following the trail of a rabbit. It was ambitious. Rabbits were usually at least ten times larger than a smurf.

It was a winding trail that led to a meadow, where some of the rabbit warrens were. The lack of trees made Tracker nervous, owls could mistake them for mice and end them. Huntress didn't seem to mind, her eyes gleamed as they darted from here to there. She started out, following the trail a short ways before the criss-crossing of different rabbit scents confused her nose.

The woodsmurf followed, his sharper sense of smell keeping on the trail of the one they'd selected. They neared a hole, passing by a rock.

The scrape of claws on stone was the only warning they had before they were attacked.

Out of reflex Huntress threw herself to the ground, it saved her life as the jaws of the stoat snapped shut where her neck would have been just moments prior. The smurfette rolled onto her back, gripping her dagger and unsheathing it for defense.

The stoat reared up, sharp teeth gleaming in the starlight. Tracker rammed his spear into the weasel's side. The animal whirled and squeaked a cry of pain. It's jaws flew to the source of pain and it bit down and broke the spear just a hair's breath from the woodsmurf's hand. He threw himself backwards and landed hard on his tail, but he was away from those deadly teeth.

Suddenly the former feline was in front of him, challenging the predator with a yowling growl. She took a swipe at the stoat as it churred at her, running a gash across it's nose.

Finally, the animal had had enough of prey that fought back and fled. The redhead stood tense and stayed that way long enough for the other smurf to get to his feet.

Huntress seemed to deflate. "You were right."

"It doesn't matter now. We have to smurf that weasel and either heal it or smurf it out of it's misery." The woodsmurf said sadly.

The former feline looked at him like he was crazy. "Are you insane?!"

"We can't let it suffer. That spear smurfed in deep enough to smurf a lung." Tracker pointed out. "If we leave it, that stoat will smurf a very unsmurfy death and it will be on our smurfs."

"It's not our fault. That weasel attacked us, not the other way around." The redhead countered.

"I'm sorry, Azzy. I have to smurf the smurfy thing." He started following the scent of blood.

"Just what are you going to do without a weapon?" The smurfette growled.

Tracker didn't answer. If he were to answer truthfully, he really didn't know himself. He heard the former feline following him. Finally he answered. "I would have had to smurf up something on the fly."

Huntress snorted. "I'll make you another spear."

The trail led them across the meadow and back into the forest. They stopped, searching for a good stick and the female made a new spear. The trail wound in a slow circle and the drops of blood were frequent.

The woodsmurf put out his arm, stopping his companion. "You've got the smurfvision, is that..." He murmured as he pointed with the spear to a dark shape in the leaves.

To the ex-cat, her feline vision showed her the shape of the stoat, contrasted well from the leaves around it. If there was more light, she would see more color thanks to her transformation, but the colors were currently muted. She could tell it was panting. "That's it, it's still alive." She whispered back.

They crept closer. It was clear to Tracker that the weasel wouldn't make a recovery unless it was intensively cared for. Better to end it's suffering then. He looked at the smurfette next to him, shaking his head. She responded with a very human gesture of pulling her thumb slowly across her throat. He nodded.

Slowly they approached, well aware that the injured animal could attack them with deadly consequences. The former feline gestured for him to trade weapons. Spear in hand, the redhead crouched just behind the stoat's tail.

She jumped bringing the spear down as she fell, piercing the animal just where the skull and neck met. There was a snap and the weasel jerked, throwing Huntress off to it's left side. The woodsmurf was quick to dart over that way, but the writhing was only the twitching of death throes.

The former feline looked at the animal, about five times bigger than her, with pride. What was that clever little human saying? Ah yes. Boom. Headshot.

Humans of the other world had such a beautiful way with words.

Tracker approached the animal cautiously. Already the color of the eyes was clouding as the spirit of the beast left it. He closed the stoat's eyes with his hand. "Smurf in peace, fellow hunter. You smurfed well." It was a gesture of respect and a prayer of sorts that both he and Hunter used. After a moment of silence, the woodsmurf tried to decide the best place to start skinning. The meat of a mouse-fed weasel was often stringy and the musk made it unpalatable for most smurfs. But the fur would serve them well come winter.

The fur was already punctured at the neck and ribs, he started at the neck and used the dagger to cut the pelt from there. He had to have help rolling it over so he could open the pelt at the midline of the stoat. He avoided the musk glands altogether by cutting around that and the tail. Then came the process of cutting away the feet and the laborious task of pulling and freeing the pelt from the spider-web like connective tissue that held it on top of the muscles.

By the time the skin was free, both smurfs were breathing heavy from the exertion. The hunter wished for his packet of salt as he rolled up the skin. They'd have to get this to Cobbler or Wooly quickly so one of the two could properly cure the skin into a fur.

"We'll smurf this for another predator to smurf. The smurfs at the village won't smurf weasel." Tracker said as he finished rolling up the fur. He tied it with a few blades of grass.

"Herbivores are better eating." Huntress agreed.

"I'll help smurf things along." While the woodsmurf couldn't talk to animals, he knew their habits and could mimic some of their sounds. He cupped a hand to his mouth and a good mimic of an injured rabbit echoed through the trees. He paused for a minute, then cried again.

After his third call, he offered the smurfette back her dagger. "Let's smurf out of here. We don't want to be smurfing around when whatever heard that cry smurfs looking." He picked up the spear from the ground and they were off, heading back towards the village.

They didn't see the fox cautiously trot up moments later, smelling the blood trail on the ground and finding the free food.

**00000**

They arrived at the village shortly after the rescue party returned. It was busy, smurfs moving here and there moving bedding, returning wagons, or standing and talking excitedly.

"Tracker! Have you smurfed?" Dabbler asked as the pair approached him. "Gargamel and Azrael are smurfed! The rescue team smurfed the battle that smurfed that nasty wizard."

"We smurfed about Gargamel at dinner. But what's this about Azrael being smurfed too?" The woodsmurf asked.

Dabbler started ticking off fingers. "I smurfed it from Baker who smurfed it from Minor who was smurfing with Panicky at dinner and oversmurfed Scaredy smurfing that Vanity smurfed that he'd been smurfed by Papa Smurf that Azrael was dead."

That was the way of village gossip. Tell one smurf and the rest of them knew by the next day. Tracker glanced at his companion. Huntress looked a bit confused.

"Well... Smurfy good then." The woodsmurf finally commented. "Have you smurfed Cobbler or Wooly?" He held up the rolled up skin to show his reason.

"Not since dinner." The doctor shook his head.

"Cheerio then." The hunter waved and set off to search the crowd. He found Wooly quickly enough, the wool felt smurf hat with a brim stood out amongst all the other smurf hats.

"Wooly!" Tracker called to his fellow outdoorsmurf.

The cowboy smurf turned and looked at his brother, spotting the skin. "Woo doggies! What'cha smurfed there, partner?"

"Stoat skin." The bloodhound smurf replied, handing the roll over.

The wool gatherer took the pelt, eyes widening when he felt the moisture of the flesh side. "Criminently, Tracker! This skin's fresh. Are ya outta yer smurf, huntin at night?" He admonished.

"I'm well smurfed of the dangers, chap." The woodsmurf glanced at Huntress, who was still quiet. "Our new friend needed smurfvincing."

"Now ain't that a smurfer? Little lady, yer sure one tough hombre." Wooly laughed. "Nuttier 'n squirrel scat, but tough!"

The redhead was tired of the pleasantries, tired of the thoughts that swirled in her mind, and just plain tired. "I'm going to get cleaned up and go to bed. Goodnight." The smurfette turned and headed off towards the apartment she'd claimed.

Tracker had to resist the urge to follow her. Perhaps she just needed a little time to herself to sort things out. He hoped.

The cowsmurf chuckled. "Hoo boy, you've smurfed it bad." The woodsmurf realized he was staring at the departing smurfette and looked back at his brother, blushing. "It's even worse than I smurfed!" Wooly laughed.

"You have no idea." The hunter murmured cryptically. After a moment, he cleared his throat. "I smurf it best if I head home and take a kip. Ta-ta." He walked away, leaving the wool gatherer to wonder just what he'd meant by that.


	7. Ch 07: Aftermath

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**-Just a note- Usually I try to keep one chapter ahead for a sort of safety net in case things go crazy. Well, they have. I'm not completely done with chapter 8, but I wanted to post chapter 7 before Christmas. I may put myself on a bi-weekly update schedule after the new year instead of a weekly one, it's a bit less stressful that way. Though seeing as how this effects like 5 total readers, I'm sure ya'll can be patient. XD**

Chapter 07: Aftermath

The village was slow to awaken. Some smurfs, particularly those that had formed the rescue team, overslept and missed breakfast. Papa certainly didn't blame them. The elder was up with the sun, trying to find a reversal to the transformed smurfs. That started with research and tomes littered the desk around him.

The book he'd received from Paladore on transformations was the most leafed through and every passage on permanent transformations said the same thing. It took massive amounts of energy to change something permanently from small to large.

When hit by Gargamel's wand the transformation into smurf didn't take much energy because it was temporary and trapped any excess bulk into a pocket dimension. From what he could gather, stacking the True Blue spell onto that converted the bulk into innate magical power. The elder didn't know this, but it was why the similarly sized forest animals gave so little essence. To add natural magical ability from before the transformation meant that enchanted creatures like Smurfette, Azrael, and the dryad gave as much essence as a true born smurf. The amount of innate magical ability also helped whatever transformed smurf recover from the smurfalator.

That meant that the easiest smurfs to attempt to transform permanently back would be those closest in size to their current form. The birds, the rats, and the squirrels. Unfortunately, he'd have to create a spell from scratch to transform them. Papa tapped his chin. Actually, there may be something close in the curses.

He stood and removed a panel from the floor, then pulled a key from a pocket of his hat and opened the locked chest hidden there. Several black tomes with eerie auras lay within the chest, their presence almost malevolent -as if they were angry at being locked away.

He looked at the titles, selecting one and ignoring the unpleasant tingle that it gave him when he touched it. This one he would read carefully, then replace right away.

Mother Nature help him if Brainy ever stumbled upon that chest.

**00000**

Smurfette stepped out of her house and closed the door. She'd barely slept what little time was left of the night and was a bit groggy. She headed down the walkway from her house to the street and caught movement from the corner of her eye. Turning to look, she saw a brown haired smurfette sitting next to her rose bushes.

She stopped, looking at what the female was doing. The former dryad was touching the flowers gently. The transformed smurf murmured something, and pulled a rose. With a sigh she stood up, brushing off her pants.

The blond approached cautiously. "Um, hi. Are you ok?"

"I can't hear them anymore." The dryad said instead of greeting her back. She held up the flower in her hands. "Roses were always so expressive. This would be screaming right now. It probably is. I just cain't hear it." She took a few breaths and Smurfette wasn't sure what the other female was going to do. The brown haired one only gripped the stem of the rose tightly. "I can't hear the grass, or the trees, or tell how the soil could better feed them. It's like I've gone deaf!"

The dryad seemed to realize she was hurting herself and opened her hand. Small puncture wounds from the rose's thorns welled with small beads of red blood. "Well that was stupid of me."

Smurfette couldn't fathom how it would be to suddenly lose a whole language. What would that be like? Probably terribly frustrating. "Papa's trying to smurf on getting everyone back to their true forms, you'll be able to smurf to the plants again soon." She tried to reassure.

The brown haired smurfette stared at her injured hand. "Would true form be the one I was in before I was changed or the one I was born into? 'Cause I was born human. And they can't speak to the plants either."

"I... I'm not really sure. But I'm sure as smurfness Papa can smurf things right." The blond answered. She stepped forward, taking hold of the injured hand gently. "Come on. Let's smurf those scratches."

"Maybe..." She trailed off, looking at her hand. She lifted her other hand to the injured one and Smurfette pulled her hands back quickly. The air between her hands wavered with magical energy, like looking through the air across hot rocks in the summer. The blood remained, but when the transformed smurf wiped it off, there were no open sores left.

"Well," The former dryad said in relief. "at least that's one thing I can still do." Smurfette looked at her hand in surprise.

The breakfast bell rang in the distance.

"Oh, that reminds me. Where do we go to eat?" She asked the blond.

"Smurf with me. I'll show you." Smurfette started leading the way. She waited until the other female had fallen into step beside her. "I'm Smurfette by the way. What's your name?"

The brunette thought about it. She'd asked during the trip back about Clumsy's name and he'd told her that smurfs are named for their personality or what they were good at. She could still heal. Healer? It sounded too clunky to her. She was no professional, so Doctor was out. What other medical name could... Medic! It was perfect.

"I like the name Medic. Has a certain ring to it." The healer finally answered.

The female cut her eyes at the transformed smurf. "But what did you smurf by before that?"

"Eh, doesn't matter, I figure when in Rome, right?" Medic smiled until she realized the allegory was lost on the little blue woman. "Uh. That means that when you're in a new place, it's good to adapt to the culture there."

Smurfette nodded her head in understanding. "Well, so long as the culture is smurfy." She giggled at her own joke. The former dryad was still wondering how she could tell that meant both 'good' and 'Smurfy' as in the people. It was almost like some sort of magic.

As they neared the mess hall, a smurf with a white feather tucked low on the left side of his hat approached them, carrying an infant smurf. "Smurfette, after you've eaten, could you smurf someone who would be good at smurfsitting Baby?"

The blond missed the look of longing on her female companion's face. She raised a brow at the bardic smurf. "And just how long have you been smurfsitting her, Poet?"

The smurf didn't seem phased by the question. "Since the rescue party smurfed back last night. She smurfed well, but woke up with the sun. I smurfed her didey just before I smurfed here."

The potential ire of the blond was abated and she smiled. "Well, I can smurf of a few. I'll ask around." If nothing else, she could watch the little one for a while. Even as tired as she was she was sure she could do it.

She remembered the transformed smurf beside her with Poet smiled at the brown haired smurfette. "Oh, Medic. This is Poet."

"Pleased to meet you, Medic." The bard made a slight bow. "I must smurf my leave, ladies. My muses wait for no smurf."

"Um, nice meetin' ya too." The former dryad nodded her head. Smurfette accepted the smurfling from the poetic smurf and he smiled at her again and plucked the feather from his hat, running the soft end of the quill under his chin as he walked away.

"Medic, I have to smurf somesmurf to watch Baby, go ahead and smurf some breakfast." Smurfette explained and headed into the building. It was a long building disguised as a fallen log, with awnings over the windows that were made to look like sulphur shelf mushrooms. The wall in the hollow part was recessed and painted a dark brown to fool casual observers should humans stumble upon the village. If it wasn't for the bridges or the activity of the little blue people, the architecture of the village would look like an open glenn of abnormally large mushrooms, some various rocks, and a few fallen trees.

Unsure what to expect, the transformed smurfette walked through the double doors. Inside there were a dozen tables laden with food and smurfs sitting at them, talking, eating, laughing, and socializing. At most of the tables there were at least five smurfs sitting, except for a table in the front that only had one occupant. The brown haired smurfette felt her demophobia making her hyper aware. Too many. Too many. Too many.

She took a deep breath and headed for the table with only one smurf. Much less intimidating. The lone smurf had on a white square cloth tied around his neck, reminding the transformed female of a lobster bib. He was also chubby and currently eating pancakes at a pace that was almost at eating competition level.

Medic tried to tamp down her nerves as she approached. She was getting closer to the crowd and it was unnerving. She chose to stand behind a chair a few seats down from the smurf. "Um. Hey. Mind if I sit here?"

The expected rejection didn't come. The bibbed smurf glanced up at her and then did a doubletake. It took him a moment to be able to talk. "I don't mind at all."

"Thanks." She sat down. Suddenly the smurf was offering her a plate loaded with pancakes, she jumped in surprise. How did he get up so fast?

"You should really try the pancakes, they're extra smurfy this morning." The plump smurf blushed. "What's your name? I'm Greedy."

She speared three pancakes from the top of the stack and lowered them onto her plate. "Um, thanks. I'm Medic."

"Syrup, Medic?" Greedy offered the small syrup pitcher. The smurfette thanked him again and poured a bit of the sweet liquid onto her pancakes.

She glanced at the bibbed smurf, he had sat back down, but was watching her. She cut into the stack and tried a bite. It was similar but different than well made blueberry pancakes. "This is good. Better than IHOP's."

"You hopped?" The smurf asked, confused.

Oh, yes, the reference thing again. "A famous restaurant where I'm from. Their specialty is pancakes." She explained.

Greedy grinned. "That's because Baker and I smurfed them with fresh smurfberries just this morning."

"You an' Baker make a pretty good pancake. Ya work in the kitchen then?"

He nodded. "It's Chef, Baker, Fryer, myself, and whoever happens to have kitchen duty that day." The smurf took a bite of a muffin that halved it.

"How many do ya'll cook for?" She asked curiously between bites.

"A hundred and twenty one is how many we smurfed for today. That includes the new smurfs smurfed in yesterday's rescue." He popped the rest of the muffin into his mouth.

"So what are smurfberries?" Medic picked one out of the pancake and held it up. She popped it into her mouth after deciding she couldn't decide what it looked like in it's cooked form.

"Dreamy smurfed Smurfberries on one of his first adventures sailing. He smurfed back the seeds and we've smurfed them as a crop ever since. They're a little bush that can smurf about twice as tall as a smurf and they smurf berries that change color from red in the summer to blue in the fall." The ever hungry smurf added a few slices of toast to his place and grabbed a jar of smurfberry jam.

She'd never heard of a berry that changed color after it was ripe and figured it may be something unique to this world. She picked up a cup and poured the red liquid from the pitcher. After a taste, she was sure it was the juice of the smurfberry.

Greedy had polished off about four slices of toast before he spoke again. "So you're one of the transmurfed smurfs right?"

"Yup." She confirmed. "I'm sure you've got questions. Ask away." In the meantime, she took another bite of her slowly vanishing pancakes.

"You can smurf, so were you a human?" The bibbed smurf asked, picking up an apple that was almost as big as his head.

"Before I was changed into this," Medic waved a hand at herself. "I was close enough to a dryad that I might as well have been one. But I was born human."

The conversation drifted into silence until the smurfette had finished her pancakes. The gourmet smurf noticed and held out the last muffin on the table. "You should give these a smurf too." He offered with a grin.

"I couldn't. I'm stuffed. It's gonna be weird eating so often again." She saw his look of confusion and had to explain. "As a dryad I only ate maybe a meal every two days. The rest of the time I fed off the sun. My head grew vines instead of hair and about half of those ended in large leaves. So I'd just pick a sunny spot and bush out to eat. Worked pretty well until winter. But then I had a greenhouse to go to so it wasn't so bad."

"A green house? What's the color got to smurf with it?" Greedy asked, prompting the smurfette to explain the concept. He leaned back a bit. "Farmer would love that idea. Smurfing food in the middle of winter, who'd have smurfed."

The two continued their friendly (and occasionally one sided with the gourmet stuffing his face) conversation until most of the other smurfs had trickled out. The table was empty of food and the bibbed smurf was drinking the last of the juice. Medic seriously wondered where the heck he was putting it all. His stomach pudged out a bit, but with that amount of food it should be distended if not ruptured.

Oblivious, the smurf leaned back and stretched. "Nothing like a smurfy breakfast to start your day." He looked around at the almost empty hall. "What do you plan on smurfing today, Medic?"

"I ain't sure." She thought about it. "I guess I could go see who needs help and pitch in, or maybe find out if ya'll have a healer and see what I can do there."

Greedy leaned toward her excitedly. "Well, if you're looking for smurfs to smurf, we could always use an extra smurf cleaning up here. Then I can smurf you to Dabbler's. He's our doctor."

"Alrighty, sounds like a plan." The smurfette smiled. She stood along with the ample smurf and started clearing the dirty dishes.

**00000**

Tracker awoke to a knock on the door. From the angle of the sun on the floor it was just past breakfast. How had he slept in so badly? The previous night came back to him in a rush of memory. Ah yes. Azzy and her hunting trip.

The knock at the door came again. "Just a smurf!" He called out, hopping off the bed and heading to the standing closet to change out of his nightshirt. Within a few minutes he was opening the door.

For just a second he thought it was Vanity, then Hundred spoke. "Sorry to wake you, my friend, but I was having trouble with a new scent this morning and wondered if you wouldn't mind lending me your amazing sense of smell." The woodsmurf had and odd working relationship with Mirror.

After the reflection come to life became a real smurf, he started showing an interest in some of the things Vanity enjoyed, but instead of lotions, oils, and creams that the vain smurf made, Hundred had a passion for perfumes. Smurfette and Vanity were really the only ones besides the perfumist himself who wore the stuff every day, but he enjoyed experimenting with various scents and blends.

"I've got nothing smurfed at the moment. Lead the way, chap." Due to his sense of smell, Tracker was often called in as a consultant of sorts. After a few mishaps they now knew to steer clear of the strongest smelling concoctions for the sake of the hunter's sensitive nose.

"Thank you so much! I've been smurfing trouble with the subtleties of my newest creation. I want to smurf sandalwood with just a hint of spice, but the spice keeps oversmurfing the sandalwood. It's so vexing." Mirror was about as focused on perfumes as Alchemist was on potions, though getting any smurf started on their favorite subject tended to cause them to start jabbering excitedly.

"Sandalwood is a subtle scent." Tracker agreed. It was one reason he liked the smell. It wasn't so totally overpowering like stronger scents. Cinnamon quite nearly burned his poor nose.

Mirror's house was a newer mushroom style house near the west tower. The perfumist had added an outdoor awning to the side with a table for testing scents outdoors. More often than not, when the woodsmurf assisted they'd use the outside table. Walking into the reflection's house bombarded the senses with various smells. His workroom was the strongest, as there perfumes had been created, tested, tweaked, retested, rejected, spilled, or accepted. The outdoor smurf was glad he could see a few bottles and some papers held down by a decorative paperweight on the little table.

Testing was a slow process of putting a bit of the cologne onto a small slip of paper, then walking closer to see how the scent carried. The bloodhound smurf was able to distinguish the different ingredients in each bottle which let him recommend which amounts to use. The spice was a peppercorn, which did overpower the sandalwood. It also made the woodsmurf sneeze as his nose adjusted to the smell.

"Still smurfing a bit strong." Tracker tried to resist the urge to sneeze again. The perfumist mixed another batch, adjusting the amount of peppercorn used.

It took about four more adjustments before the woodsmurf could stand to get close to the paper. "I smurf it's almost there." He told Mirror.

"Just a smurf less I think, then it will be perfectly smurfy." The reflection smurf agreed. He went back to mixing.

The fifth time was the charm, the sandalwood was there with a spicy aftereffect. It reminded the hunter of Marco, if only because the sailor dealt in spices.

The hundredth smurf beamed triumphantly. "Perfectly smurfy!" He had the urge to offer Tracker a bottle, but knew the outdoor smurf would politely turn it down. The woodsmurf was a hunter and foreign smells would only alert game to his presence. "If there's anything I can smurf for you, just ask."

"Nothing that I can smurf of, Hundred. But thank you all the same." The bloodhound suddenly hoped that the lunch bell would ring soon. He was getting hungry. He smelled Vanity, the smurf wore a signature scent by his smurffriend that was unmistakable. He turned to see the dapper smurf heading up from the street. Surprisingly, he was holding Baby.

So that's where he was, Tracker thought as the smurflingsitter approached. He waved in greeting. Usually the two look alike smurfs were inseparable. He knew they were more intimate than Smurfette and Hefty, though he never smelled that they'd done anything more than kiss. That was old news in the village though. After a few confused (and awkward) conversations for Papa, most of the smurfs accepted that it was just something that could happen. An oddity to be sure, but what smurf wasn't a little odd in some way?

"Just smurf at this little darling!" Vanity exclaimed. The woodsmurf could smell that she'd been bathed in the smurf's favored soap and then there was the smell of lotion. "She smurfed so much during her bath she soaked the rug -and myself. But after I smurfed my gentlest lotion on her she started to practically glow."

The other two smurfs glanced at each other. That was perhaps the most Vanity had ever said without reflecting it back on himself.

"And we both found a smurfy pastime in one of my biggest mirrors. Why, it was the most adorable vision of smurfiness. She's almost as smurfy as me!" The vain smurf gushed. Ah, there it was.

Mirror was amused at his smurffriend's antics. "Vanity, why are you smurfing something from last fall?" It wasn't like the smurf to wear last season's fashions.

"Smurfette warned me that smurflingsitting was a messy job. But I had no smurf just how messy. I've had to smurf clothes five times since breakfast! But I must say I still look smurfy in last fall's pants." He preened as the smurfling kicked in his arms.

Tracker chuckled. "Well chaps, I'm famished. I think I'll smurf to the mess hall early. Ta-ta." He waved and started off, leaving the reflection smurf showing off his latest creation to the fashion-loving smurf.

**00000**

Papa knocked on the door of the room the animals turned smurfs used. A number of animal noises erupted and it was several minutes before a weary looking Natural answered the door. He had spent the better part of the morning cleaning, clothing, and feeding the ten transformed smurfs. Not to mention cleaning up after them.

"Oh, hello Papa." The naturalist greeted without energy. The smurf turned and hissed at a male smurf wearing a pair of smurf pants. Papa didn't understand what the hissing meant, but the former snake moved with an unnerving grace towards the leader.

He stopped before the elder's apprehension made him back up. "Sssstay." The smurf said.

Papa looked to Natural for an explanation. The nature lover sighed. "Slither wants to stay as a smurf. He says he likes smurfing limbs and it's safe here."

The older smurf was surprised. "Well. If he smurfs to stay a smurf, we can smurf Brainy here to help him learn our language." He looked at Slither. "You've certainly smurfed on quickly to speaking, my little smurf."

The former snake hissed something in a smug tone. Nat translated. "He smurfs that all snakes are survivalists and adapting is how they smurf alive."

"Well. I do have some smurfy news. By smurfing a few spells, I've smurfed out a way we can transmurf our animal friends permanently back into animals." Papa smiled as he held up his bag.

"Oh that is smurfy Papa!" The naturalist smurf exclaimed. The elder had decided Nat and the animals didn't need to know he had modified a curse. It seemed fitting that a curse used for good would undo a blessing used for evil.

He set up a small assortment of potions on a table at the side of the room while Natural explained what was going on to the transformed animals. The overworked smurf had to throw his arms out to stop the animals from mobbing the table. Only Slither and a single female in one of Smurfette's old dresses hung back. Suddenly the female darted forward, clinging to to the naturalist and chittering.

"What's smurfing, Natural?" Papa asked.

"Maple doesn't want to smurf back either." He answered with a grunt as he tried to pry the female off of him.

"Assure her she smurfn't have to if she doesn't want to. None of the animals have to smurf back if they wish to remain smurfs." Papa assured him. He waited while the linguistic smurf translated and got the answers from all of them. Maple relaxed, but still hovered near Nat.

"Twitter and Softsong each smurf a nest and a mate to get back to," He gestured at the two birds, then waved his hand at the pair of former squirrels. "Pinenut and Beech have a nest of babies they're desperate to smurf back to." He then indicated the other three rodents. "Gnaw, Taps, and Scuttle want to smurf home, and all I can smurf out of her is the word Pond." He finished with a gesture at the frog.

Papa double checked all of the species of the animals that wanted to change back, then made a few adjustments to the potions. Carefully, he double checked again as he passed the vials to the transformed smurfs.

Before the elder could say anything, half of them were drinking the potion. "Wait you have to smurf off... your clothes." It was too late. The sparrow fared well, his pants slipped off his spindly bird legs. The female titmouse wasn't so lucky, entangled badly in an old dress. The rats looked ridiculous in their clothes but were slowly untangling themselves. Only the two squirrels and frog had been prudent enough to wait.

Natural was trying to calm down the entangled titmouse, finally having to resort to rummaging around for some scissors and cutting the garment off carefully. Finally free, the bird ruffled her feathers indignantly. The two squirrels had placed their potion bottles down and proceeded to pull their clothes off with little heed to the embarrassment of the two native smurfs. Thankfully, they drank their potions just as quickly. The frog female followed the lead of the squirrels and soon all the animals that wished to be restored were.

It was now up to the naturalist smurf to corral the animals and lead them out of the village. He started squeaking, then chirping, followed by chitters then croaks. Slowly the eight animals followed Nat out the door, Maple followed him close behind.

Papa breathed a sigh of relief. Now he had only to work on the humans and dryad.

The former snake approached Papa again, hissing what seemed to be a question.

"I'm afraid I don't smurf snake like Natural does." The bearded smurf apologized.

Slither stumbled over the word several times before he finally managed, "Sssfeak."

"Speak?" The other smurf nodded. "Hm. Perhaps Brainy could smurf us out. Let's go smurf him." He wrote a quick note to Nat and headed out the door with the former serpent following. It wasn't hard to find the egotistical smurf, he was lecturing Lazy for sleeping again.

"Brainy." Papa called. The bespectacled smurf jumped and looked over at the elder.

"Papa! I was just smurfing Lazy that he ought to be smurfing out around here instead of smurfing all of the time-" The apprentice started.

"Brainy, I'm in need of your assistance." The red-clad smurf waited for the platitudes to partially over before he interrupted again. "This is Slither, he was one of the transmurfed animals, but he has decided to smurf as a smurf. There is also a smurfette named Maple. You'll need to smurf out and teach these two how to smurf."

"Of course Papa Smurf, I'll smurf right to it!" He paused, looking around. "Um, where is the smurfette?"

"She's currently with Natural, smurfing off the animals." The elder answered. "You'll smurf them when they return to the first floor of the east tower."

"Right away, Papa!" The intellect looked at the former snake. "Come, Slither. We'll smurf by my house to smurf my books on grammar and language." The new smurf followed his assigned teacher.

Papa headed back to his house. While curing the animals seemed relatively easy, he knew the humans would be far harder. After all, there were no curses that turned a creature into a human that he could modify. He would be starting mostly from scratch on an experimental spell.

He just hoped he could actually cure them.

**00000**

Something banged and Grouchy jerked awake. The baby! He was momentarily alarmed until he remembered that he'd given the baby to Poet to watch for the remainder of the night. He'd had a rough night. Every little sound the child made in her sleep seemed to wake him as if he was instinctively reacting to her presence to check on her. The end result was he was awake twice as much as she was during the night.

A loud knocking came again. Oh, that's what the banging was. He pulled himself out of bed and trudged to the door and opened it.

His brain did it's shorting out thing when he saw Vexy. "Uh. Hi." He was suddenly embarrassed that he hadn't gotten dressed first.

"Hiya tough guy." The dark haired smurfette smiled. "Just thought you'd like to wake up in time for lunch."

Was it that late already? The grump rubbed at his eyes. "Thanks. Just let me smurf on some clothes."

"I'll be waiting." Sometimes he was sure she was flirting with him. The former naughtie closed the door. He tossed his nightshirt and pajama pants onto the bed before hopping into a pair of pants and swapping his night cap out for his regular hat.

Fully dressed in record time, he opened the door again. The brunette gave him another brain shorting smile. They walked in silence down the small hill to the street below. Grouchy had picked a higher spot because it was less likely to flood according to Handy. And the less water he had to deal with the better, even if he had to live half way up picnic hill.

He glanced at Vexy as they strolled towards the mess hall. "How are you smurfing?" He finally asked.

"I don't know." She started. "One minute I think I'm fine with it and the next not so much." The conflict was plain on her face.

"I hate hugs... but..." I'd love one from you, he thought. Instead he finished. "If you need one, or whatever..." The sourpuss offered.

Suddenly they'd stopped and she had her arms wrapped around him. He pulled his arms up and returned the hug, reveling at the contact.

"He was horrible. But he was still my dad." She whispered. He felt a bit guilty for enjoying the hug so much. It was about comfort, not whatever his stupid brain or hormones wanted.

Though he really didn't mind that they told him this was a good idea. He took a breath, trying to think. "That's probably why you're smurfing the way you are. He was horrible, so you're glad. But he was also your first papa, so you'll miss him." He rumbled quietly.

She pulled back and he reluctantly dropped his arms. "Thanks." Vexy smiled, then narrowed her eyes at him. "If you tell anyone about this you'll regret it."

Grouchy arched a brow. "Sure. I'm going to go smurfing through town and shouting about how I volunteered to hug somesmurf." He griped.

Apparently Vexy was picturing him skipping, because her lips quirked as she tried not to laugh. "Throwing flower petals and wearing a tutu?" She started laughing then.

"I was smurfing sarcastic!" The grump couldn't keep his normal scowl on his face. A smile turned into a chuckle and soon he was laughing right along with her. As they calmed down the ornery smurf had to shove down the urge to say something stupidly romantic.

Instead, she took his hand and lead him towards the mess hall. He scowled because he knew he was blushing and that other smurfs could see. They'd talk, he was sure. Then again. Maybe if they all thought Vexy had picked him they'd leave her alone... and that wasn't a bad thing at all.

Fryer rang the lunch bell as they entered.

**00000**

Peewit's stomach woke him up. He was hungry and he realized he'd had nothing to eat since lunch the day before. Ah! He'd waste away to nothing!

"Johan, Johan!" The short smurf shook his sleeping companion. The knight muttered for him to go back to sleep. "But Johan, it's lunch time and I'm hungry." He whined.

The mention of food had Johan's own stomach making protests. It had been a day since they'd eaten. "I'm up. I'm up, Peewit." He stretched and checked his hands. Yes, still blue and missing a finger. So it hadn't been a dream. He heard the sound of running feet and looked to see his short friend's foot disappear out the door. A moment later he heard the jester shouting at the goat turned smurf to wake her up. An annoyed bleat answered him. In the distance, a bell rang, but for what purpose they weren't sure.

The miniature knight got up and walked into the living area, where Biquette had spent the night on the couch. She was still dressed in the modified saddle blanket tied carefully closed around her middle. Peewit had mentioned that he had to dress her while in the cage. The poor jester was glad he'd put a blanket on her that morning, otherwise she'd have been completely naked. It was also the reason why he flew off her back when she jerked to a stop, but he couldn't blame anyone but himself for that.

"Good, everyone's up. Let's see where the kitchens are." The dwarf smurf said excitedly. He hurried to the door and had it open before his taller companion had taken three steps into the room.

Johan chuckled. "Calm down Peewit, I'm sure there will be enough food for you. The smurfs have to feed their entire village after all. Including Greedy Smurf."

"That's what worries me!" The jester said as he hurried out the door. Biquette ran after him.

The knight stopped on the floor that he knew the dryad was on. The door was open, and no one answered his call. Shrugging, he headed back to the stairwell and stopped on the floor with the highwaymen. The door was closed and he knocked.

"Who is it?" A voice barked from inside.

"It's Sir Johan. My friend and I were going to find the kitchens to get something to eat. Would you care to join us?" The youthful smurf heard a few muffled sounds before the door was finally opened. He remembered Finn from the previous night, mostly due to his tan tunic.

A smurf in red approached the door as well. "I for one would like that." He was Lars, the knight had learned on the journey back from the wizard's that Finn and Lars were brothers. Finn was the eldest.

Quintz walked out of the lavatory. "What's this then? Someone say something about food?" He was a farmer and had taken up stealing to help feed his family and care for his sick wife. The miniature knight knew that times could get hard and didn't hold the actions of a desperate man against him.

The smurf in dark grey sitting on the couch was the most tight-lipped of the bunch. Samuel only said that used to be a merchant. "Aye, I could use a meal." The smurf said as he stood.

Apparently thinking the better of going against three hungry friends, Finn tilted his head at Johan. "Lead the way, Sir Knight."

Though he kept an eye on the four out of habit, the teen was sure they wouldn't try anything. Why ruin their chance of becoming human again?

After leaving the building, he noticed all the smurfs were headed in the same general direction. He spotted a familiar one carrying a yellow gift box tied with a red ribbon. "Jokey!"

The prankster turned to look and smiled wide. "Johan, you're looking pretty smurfy today." He laughed his distinctive laugh.

Ignoring the pun, the former human approached the demolition loving smurf. "What's going on? Why are all the smurfs headed in the same direction?" He was worried that there was trouble afoot.

The smurf chuckled again. "It's lunch time. Didn't ya smurf the bell? It's smurfed to announce every meal."

"Well, that's convenient." Finn noted. Jokey noticed the other four transformed humans and his grin became wider for a moment.

The prankster smurf offered the box in his hands to Lars, who stood closest to him. "Care for a welcoming surprise?"

The bandit looked pleasantly surprised. "Why thank you!" He started to pull the ribbon.

"Lars wait!" But Johan was too late and the black powder made a loud popping sound as it covered the former human's face in soot.

Jokey doubled over laughing. He would have gotten attacked if it hadn't been for the Knight stepping between Finn and the cackling smurf.

"Stand aside Knight. He attacked my brother." The highwayman growled.

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to overlook Jokey. This is how he always acts." Johan was tense, ready to have to break up a possible fight.

"No harm done, Finn. It was a little funny." Lars said as he wiped the soot from his face.

"It was just a joke. They don't smurf me Jokey for nothin." The prankster said as he wiped a tear from his eye from laughing so hard.

The tan clad smurf huffed, but didn't try anything further. "Any others we should be wary of? Heaven help us if there's a Brawler smurf."

Lars found that amusing. They had been present for Clumsy's naming explanation. "Peeping Tom smurf." That started the chuckles from the former humans.

"Nudist smurf!" Samuel laughed. Jokey caught on to the new game and started laughing again.

The names became more crude and vulgar as they went on, Jokey suggesting some rather horrible ones himself. Johan tried not to laugh. He failed, feeling amused and guilty at the same time.

Finally they ran out of ideas, Lars clapping Jokey on the back. "You live up to your name, Jokey. Care to show us where to go to eat?"

Grinning from ear to ear, the prankster motioned to follow him. "Sure. Smurf this way." He liked these humans. They could take a joke and made up such funny games!

**00000**

Tracker found himself heading to the west smurfinimum instead of the mess hall. He was sure Azzy had to be awake by now. She seemed to live off of naps between activity. He knocked at her door and arched a brow as it swung open.

"Azzy?" He called out. A quick check of the rooms showed she was gone. The woodsmurf hoped that she'd headed down to the mess hall and he'd see her there.

She wasn't.

Vanity had actually enjoyed smurflingsitting, but he was even happier now that it was over. His darling Mirror had taken over, giving him a much needed (and well deserved) break. Now dressed in his best and looking absolutely stunning, he could seek out his smurffriend. He opened his door and almost let out a startled cry.

Huntress, Azrael transformed, stood looking like she was about to knock.

The smurfette dropped her arm. "Good. You're home. I need to ask you a few questions." She blocked the door when the dapper smurf attempted to shut it in her face.

"Couldn't you smurf someone else?" He pleaded as he backed away.

She walked in and shut the door. "No one else started a rumor that Azrael was dead."

Oh. So that's what this was about. Looking at a mirror on the wall, he relaxed his face back into his usual smurfy expression. "I smurfed that Azrael the cat is no more. Which is smurfically the truth. You're a smurf now."

The redhead looked at him suspiciously. "But why?"

"Some smurfs may have smurfed very unsmurfy had they found out you were Azrael." Vanity checked himself in his mirror. From an angle with a nearby wall mirror, he watched the smurfette's reaction.

Was he protecting his kin or her. Both? Huntress sighed. Why did smurfs have to be so nice? She could never tell if there was an ulterior motive, but it was starting to become clear that most of their actions didn't have ulterior motives.

Finally, she sighed. "Thanks, I guess. Considering how a few of you used pull my whiskers I'd rather not find out how they'd act."

"Unfortunately, despite our smurfiest efforts eventually the word will smurf out. If I were you darling, I'd find a way to smurf myself appreciated before that." The fashionista looked at her.

The former feline tilted her head. "Make myself appreciated? I take it hunting for food won't cut it?"

"It's rather cat-like, isn't it?" Vanity countered.

"Yeah." The redhead admitted. She thought about any other skills she had. Helping out with plots wouldn't go over well, as she was sure smurfs didn't plot... Well maybe that crazy one with the boxes. "I don't think I have any other skills."

"You can always smurf out a skill you think you might like and learn it." The vain smurf smiled when he saw the female's face light up. He was just so smurfy at helping others!

The door opened and Huntress was bumped from behind by it. She moved out of the way and watched another smurf enter carrying a small baby smurf.

"There, didey all smurfed. Now we can smurf to-" The other smurf noticed the redhead and took a few quick steps to stand in front of the dapper smurf.

The former feline was dumbfounded at the baby. She'd never seen one before... and hadn't heard of the child's existence.

Vanity stepped around his smurffriend's side, wrapping an arm around him comfortingly. "Everything's smurfy, Mirror. Huntress was just smurfing for advice." The perfumist seemed to relax after hearing that.

"When did you have a kit? And how?" The interest was as plain as the bluntness of her statement.

Mirror started stammering, "W-we didn't..."

"She came by stork, the way the rest of us smurfed." The fashionista explained smoothly. "My smurfness, was it just two days ago?"

"Kits are so adorable." The statement sounded so odd coming from the redhead that the two males looked at each other. She noticed and scowled. "I can be motherly."

"We didn't smurf any offense. We've just never smurfed this side of you before." The reflection smurf apologized as he shifted the smurfling around. Baby waved her arms, slapping her rattle against her caretaker's arm.

"I was a cat for nearly forty years, that's two cat lifetimes. Gargamel slipped up a few times with his potions. I've probably got descendants hunting mice in the two kingdoms if they lived long enough to breed." Huntress didn't realize she'd stunned the two into silence. "How long will it take that one to grow?"

She had to repeat her question before Vanity finally answered. "Smurfs are considered adults after our first century." It was almost a murmur.

The female looked a bit horrified. "How long do they stay helpless like that?"

After a glance and a shrug, the vain smurf spoke again. "You'd have to smurf Papa, we don't really remember."

"That'd be a good thing to ask..." The former feline trailed off. "I'd better go. Um. Thank you for your help, Vanity." She finished just before she ducked out of the door and was gone. Soon after, the lunch bell rang.

Mirror couldn't shake the awkward feeling that mixed relief and shock. "What just smurfed?"

"To be honest, darling, I'm not sure mysmurf."


	8. Ch 08: Trial and Error

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**This is the last update before I go onto bi-weekly updates in the new year. I've got quite a bit to do in the next two weeks or so, then hopefully it'll calm down and I may be able to go back to once a week posting. We'll see.**  
><strong>Look for the next update on the 12th of January!<strong>

Chapter 08: Trial and Error

It was lunch time. He'd heard the bell but there was no way he could stop now. The promise of a successful experiment was too intoxicating. Alchemist watched the little cauldron carefully. He was waiting for a color change. It'd be subtle, from cyan to turquoise. He'd carefully used Painter's paints to show the shade and held the small color card as if it was a weapon against a monster.

In a way, it was. Potions often exploded violently if they went critical. Wait, there it was, the color change!

Keeping his hand steady, he dropped a single drop of antimony from the crucible he picked up from another flame. Nothing seemed to happen.

Suddenly a chill ran down the smurf's spine, his mind drifted and he swayed on his feet. What was that sweet smell? Like Smurfette's perfume.

Fume? Fumes!

Eyes widening, Alchemist staggered to his door and tripped as he jerked it open. He fell onto his front step, laying there and gulping the fresh air. He accepted the dangers of experimenting on his own. One day, though, it was very probably going to kill him.

Satisfied he could think clearly again, he pulled his cape around to cover his nose and mouth. And smurfs thought he was just being pompous. Hah! It was as useful as it was a fashion statement.

He reentered his home, opening all of the windows to let the air circulate. Then he killed the flame on the potion before it went critical.

Picking up a quill, he noted the fumes as a reaction to adding antimony. Apparently the feminine based metal didn't react well to the bit of iron that was added to the base of salt before the mercury. If he was correct, it was a solution that could coat an object and act as a permanent flame protection. It would save him from having to copy his books again from Archivist.

He rolled a blank piece of paper into a cylinder and coated one end with the potion. The solution seemed to soak into the page, darkening it slightly. He waited to make sure it cured that side of the paper.

Moving the crucible, he put the paper directly into that flame and watched the paper with interest.

The flames licked the page, but it didn't blacken or curl. The paper stayed intact. He moved the paper lower into a hotter part of the flame only to get the same impervious reaction.

"Ha-ha!" He cheered as he unrolled the paper to look at it. Still pristine save for wanting to curl where he'd rolled it. He touched a finger carefully to the surface. Not even hot!

Euphoria over a successful experiment made him giddy. He wondered if this could actually stop a smurf from being boiled? Not that Gargamel was a threat anymore, but Bigmouth had his moments. And then there was Balthazar too.

He looked over his notes. He'd designed this potion with books in mind, but paper was organic material just like a smurf.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, Alchemist thought as he dipped his index finger into the potion.

It was not a good idea after all. His finger felt like he'd been stung, a rapidly spreading heat suffused into his hand and rushed up his arm. He gasped and yanked his hand back but by then it was too late. A bout of dizziness struck him and he staggered, crashing into a table.

He must have blacked out, the sun had shifted as he blinked groggily. His cape had fallen from his nose and lay around his neck. Hey, he was alive, so there was that. Standing stiffly, he looked at the worktable. The alcohol burner under the crucible had long since burned out. So about two hours then, if not more.

He looked at his finger, then frowned. His hand looked off somehow. He raised both of his hands and looked at them. They were smaller, he was sure. Was he shrinking?

Quickly he strolled to the large mirror that hung on his closet door. It had a scratch on one side of the frame for just such an occasion.

He looked into the mirror and let out a high pitched squeal.

Or should he say she?

"Oh smurf." The shock of seeing shoulder length dark hair coming from the back of Alchemist's cap made the potion maker speak. The accidental smurfette took her cap off. The dark hair was broken up by a single sulphurous green streak on her left side. A quick pat down told her of her switched out 'assets'. And on her chest... Well. That was why the smurfettes had to cover their chests. She spun her cape around and tied it like a smock.

Well, she mused, at least she made for a pretty sexy smurfette. This was better than being a half-dragon as well. After musing for a few more moments, the potioneer headed back to the worktable and wrote in bold 'Do Not Touch' onto the notes. She started pulling down books to see if she could find a solution to her problem.

A wicked thought occurred to her to give the solution to Jokey.

That sweet chaos could wait until after she'd fixed this accident.

**00000**

Papa waved to Johan as he entered with Jokey and the other transformed humans. Peewit was already sitting with the elder, eating food at a pace that rivaled Greedy's. Biquette was beside of the jester, the former goat nibbled on fruits and vegetables. Beside Papa, Smurfette and Hefty sat to one side and Gutsy on the other.

"Good afternoon, Papa Smurf." The knight greeted cheerfully. He sat down next to Peewit. Lars waved at Jokey as he left and Finn murmured a greeting to the bearded smurf as the four transformed humans sat down. Samuel pulled up a chair from a nearby table.

"It's smurfy to see you're doing well given the circumstances." The smurf in red said.

"Oh, it's been alright." Peewit barely stopped chewing between bites. "The food is great!"

Smurfette giggled. "With as much as you're smurfing, Peewit, maybe we should have Chef smurf up a table just for you at dinner like we have for Greedy."

"I'd get my own table full of food?" The jester looked ecstatic. "This place is fantastic!" Those that knew the ever-hungry dwarf chuckled.

After a few moments Papa changed the subject. "As for the transmurfations, I was able to find out a few things. It will take a lot of energy to smurf you to your true forms. Fortunately, we have that in the smurfed essence." He paused for a moment, all of the former humans were paying close attention. "I'll need to smurf possible solutions, would any of you volunteer?"

The bandits looked uneasy, they were common folks and didn't have much experience with magic. Most humans naturally feared the unknown.

The knight didn't flinch. "If you need me to act as a test subject, I'd be glad to." While Johan knew magic could be dangerous, his ties with Papa and Homibus as well as his various adventures made him less fearful of magic.

"Thank you. I was also wondering if I could smurf Biquette. Given her true form's size, she may be an integral smurf between the spells I've found and those that could smurf you all back to normal." The elder looked at Peewit.

"Sure, I think she wouldn't mind either way." The dwarf smiled.

Showing more intelligence than she usually did, the former goat added in, "Naaa." She nodded.

The conversation drifted, mostly satisfying mutual curiosities between the humans and smurfs. Johan and Peewit managed to answer a few of their fellow transformee's questions thanks to their friendship with the smurfs.

As lunch wound down, Papa turned to Gutsy. "If you could make sure I'm not smurfed unless it's an emergency, I'll get right to smurfing that spell. Johan, Biquette, if you could meet me at my lab after you're finished smurfing lunch." The elder stood to leave.

"We'll join you now, if it's all the same." Johan said as he stood. "Come, Biquette." The smurfette got up and followed the two out of the mess hall.

They passed Tracker and Huntress, who were leaving along with a few other smurfs.

The hunter smurf waited until they were out of earshot of others to ask the question that had been on his mind since the redhead had shown up to lunch smelling of lotions and perfumes. "You smurfed to Vanity?"

The smurfette had been quiet during lunch. She still seemed to be lost in thought now. "Eh?" She finally asked and the woodsmurf had to repeat the question. "Oh. I had to ask Vanity about that rumor. He said it was for my safety but it wouldn't last... and that I should try to make myself useful aside from hunting."

"Biased. But I smurf it's not bad advice." Tracker shrugged.

"Do you do anything besides hunt?" The female glanced at him.

"I go smurfing truffles in autumn. I also smurf Hundred with his perfumes. I smurf out a few others around the village when I can. And most smurfs smurf to me when something or somesmurf needs to be found." The last part was how he got his name, of course. His kin learned quickly never to let him be 'it' in a game of hide and go smurf when they were smurflings.

"I don't really have any talents besides being a general assistant." Huntress grumbled.

The woodsmurf got an idea and changed direction. "Follow me, Azzy. I'll introduce you to some smurfs who are always in need of assistants."

The former feline headed off after him. They seemed to be heading towards Tracker's house, but stopped about three houses away. It was a mushroom building with a sign in front showing a needle and thread.

The hunter paused outside of the door. "This is Tailor and Weaver's shop, and Tailor's house. Weaver smurfs next door." He pointed to a house closer to his. "I'm still not smurfing to Tailor's standards, but trying counts for something even if you're pants at it right?"

"But I don't know how to sew." Huntress started, but the male had already knocked on the door.

"You can learn." He whispered just before the door opened.

The smurf that opened the door wore no adornment, but his voice sounded exactly like Tailor's. "Tracker! And you must be Huntress. Come in. We're a bit oversmurfed today."

"Thank you, Weaver." The woodsmurf smiled. "We were smurfing to see if you needed any help."

A smurf sewing some pants and with a tailor's tape around his neck sighed. "Tracker, bubeh, don't expect to be sewing. Thank smurfness Handy made that didey washer or you'd be smurfing that!" Tailor put down the pair of pants he was working on.

The workshop was organized chaos, with cloth, a loom, spinning wheel, scissors, flax threads, large pots, and a number of odds and ends scattered about on the tables.

"If you remember how to smurf the wheel, I could get back to smurfing the winter cloth." Weaver suggested.

Tracker chuckled. "I believe I smurf it well." He took Weaver's seat at a wooden spinning wheel, picking up the work on a large bag of wool.

"So, Huntress, have you ever smurfed before?" Tailor asked, looking through a drawer.

"No. I've never done any of this." The former feline watched as he pulled out a spare needle and thread.

"Let's smurf if you've got some talent then." The clothier started instructing the redhead on how to thread the needle, then handed her a few scraps of cloth to start practicing. He pointed out small tips to her as she went then inspected the two scraps after she'd finished.

"Not bad. Nevermind your speed, Bubeh, smurf the spacing first." The garment making smurf pulled up a few pairs of pants and handed her one. After a few questions, all four smurfs were working.

Huntress noticed the stitching on the other leg of the pants she was working on. The small, even lines of thread looked like a machine had done them. It made her line look rather pitiful by comparison. She tried to mimic the look with little success.

After poking her finger for the fifth time, she decided she needed a distraction. "How long have you two been making clothes?"

"I smurf it was summertime about... oh, 70 or so years ago. Papa let me smurf him with some of the mending." Tailor sighed with nostalgia.

"Then I wanted to smurf it too." Added Weaver as he wove the shuttle through the loom.

"Is that why you sound so much alike? Because you've been working together for so long?" The ex-cat asked as she made another stitch. Both textile smurfs laughed.

"Heh. We're twins." The clothier chuckled. "The stork smurfed us both to the village on the same day." He didn't add that both he and his twin agreed that they'd always felt like there was something missing. They often wondered if the stork dropped a third basket and lost a second smurfling. The first would have been the smurfling lost that Papa had told them about. It happened 9 years before they came along.

The topic drifted, the smurfs talking as they worked. By the time the dinner bell rang, Huntress had finished the pair of pants and was trying to work a few cramps out of her hands.

Tailor inspected the pants. "I smurf if you keep at it, you'll be a fine seamstress." He complimented as they left for the mess hall.

Huntress had a 'cat that got the cream' expression all through dinner.

**00000**

Grouchy sat between Vexy and Jokey, the latter retelling the 'joke' that the humans had made about horrible smurfs to meet. The grumpy smurf was trying to focus on his lunch. Hackus sat on Vexy's other side and across the table were Crazy, Weepy, Flighty, Disabled, and Surfer.

The grump was trying to keep his usual scowl, though with the table in various states of mirth it was difficult. Weepy was laughing and crying at the same time, Vexy was clutching at her sides, and Crazy had fallen off his chair.

Why did Vexy have to sit with the weirdest smurfs? Now they were trying to think of new horrible smurf names.

"Stabby smurf!? Stabby would be a horrible smurf to smurf!" Weepy didn't even bother to wipe at the tear tracks running down his face as he tried to catch his breath from laughing.

"S'yeah dude, like you're smurfing along and suddenly..." Surfer made a stabbing motion with his fist. "That'd be harsh, brah." He barely got out his last sentence over his laughs.

Crazy crawled back up to the table. "Annoying Noisemaker smurf."

"But brah, you're the noisemaker smurf!" Surfer snickered.

"No, no," The smurf twitched as he talked, an obvious sign he was getting overly excited. "Not the alarm. I'm smurfing about-" He let out a high pitched buzzing kind of sound that grated on the ears for about five seconds before he lost it and fell to the ground laughing again. Vexy beat the table with her fist. Grouchy thought that if such a smurf existed he'd likely be smurfed in short order.

"Hackus got it! Tooty smurf!" The former naughtie blew an obnoxious raspberry and the table erupted again. The sourpuss smurf wiped the smile off his face as fast as he could.

"I smurfed that! You smurfed him to smile, Hackus!" Jokey crowed and leaned on the ornery smurf. "Lighten up, Grouchy."

"Smurf off of me Psycho Smurf." The grump growled. From the floor, Crazy echoed the new name and started laughing again.

The prankster didn't move, knowing he was pushing his luck. "You know you smurf me."

"Jokey." The sourpuss snarled in warning. That bombing idiot was starting to push all of his buttons.

"I just can't smurf it, you left me for Vexy!" The comedian had to. He just had to push. "I'm so-"

In an explosive flurry of movement, Grouchy shoved Jokey away from him and then dove at the prankster, snarling. The other smurf was used to this, expecting it even, and didn't miss a beat when he rolled to the side and jumped to his feet. He danced away, laughing his signature laugh. The grump jumped up, swinging a fist at that mocking face.

Jokey leaned out of the way before he turned and ran, heading for the exit. Grouchy started to follow, but was stopped by somesmurf grabbing his arm. He turned, ready to beat whatever foolhardy do-gooder that was trying to stop him.

It was Vexy. He dropped his fist from it's pulled back position. "What?" He growled.

"You need to chill. There's no need to get worked up over a stupid joke."

"I **hate** his stupid jokes!" He snarled. "And I hate that he never leaves me the smurf alone!" The sourpuss yanked his arm free and stormed out of the mess hall, grumbling vitriol under his breath.

Vexy watched him go, wondering if she should follow.

"Ahem." The unmistakable sound of Brainy clearing his throat caught the former naughtie's attention. "Everysmurf around here knows not to smurf Grouchy and Jokey at the same table. I'm surprised he smurfed down willingly. For future reference, I have smurfed a list of smurfs not to sit near each other. If you care to smurf it I can smurf you a copy."

Disabled hobbled up, the wooden prosthetic allowing him to only need a cane to walk. "Brainy."

"I wasn't orating!" The bespectacled smurf said quickly in his defense.

"No, I wanted to smurf that list." The one-legged smurf explained with a chuckle.

"Oh." The intellectual puffed up with pride. The two smurfs watched Vexy trot out of the mess hall quickly. "Smurf with me then. Thanks to my keen eye for observation, I've smurfed a rough outline of smurfs most likely to have unsmurfy interactions with each other. Why I was just saying to Papa the-"

"Brainy. Now you're orating." The amputee smurf warned, he rubbed the fox tooth he wore around his neck in a nervous gesture.

"Ah. So I am." The smurf pushed his glasses up and chuckled nervously. He started out of the mess hall, walking at a slightly slower pace so Disabled could keep up.

Across the mess hall, the four former humans finally overcame their shock at the outburst. Samuel looked at the smurfs across from them. "So what was that all about?"

"Grouchy smurfed next ta Jokey. I dinnae know why though. Those two smurfs smurf along like oil and fire." Gutsy said, absently poking at a potato with his fork.

"Vexy probably. She smurfed me she was friends with both of them." Smurfette supplied. Well... it was more of a hopeful romance with one grump in particular, but that was girl talk and therefore secret.

**00000**

Vexy knew there was a particular rock on Picnic Hill that the village grump liked to sit behind. It blocked unwanted attention unless a smurf happened to be heading out of the north path of the village that ultimately lead to the waterfall. It was taller than a smurf, so she walked around it.

His feet came into view first, he was sitting and glaring at the ground as if the soil in front of him had given him a grievous insult. He glanced her way.

"What?" He finally ground out.

She sat down beside of him. "I'm just seeing if you're ok."

"Had to smurf on Jokey first?" He wasn't jealous. Huh-uh. Nope. Not him.

Vexy narrowed her eyes. "I haven't seen him since he ran from the mess hall."

Why did he always manage to say something stupid? It didn't help that he was riled up over the jokes at his expense. He harrumphed and didn't respond.

"So that's it? Accuse me of checking up on your Ex and then nothing?" Vexy said cattily.

Grouchy whirled, almost nose to nose with the smurfette. "I hate Jokey. I've never smurfed anything with that psycho!" He was snarling again.

"What, gonna try to punch me too?" She challenged.

"I hate fighting!" Even if the white-hot rage made him want to grab her and choke the life out of her. His hands raised, fingers twitching.

"Ha! You don't look like you hate fighting. Go on! Do it!" The dark-haired smurfette was just as riled, ready to fight-

He gave in to instinct and grabbed her shoulders roughly, kissing her.

The grump realized what he was doing soon after and jerked away. Now would come the inevitable screaming.

Vexy blinked in surprise. If she were a more girly girl, she may have squealed with glee. She'd been dropping hints for two months! Instead she leaned in and cupped her hand under Grouchy's chin. "It's about time, tough guy." She purred.

She wasn't yelling? He turned his head wondering if he was about to see a fist coming his way. Instead it was her face with half lidded eyes and she was getting closer.

They kissed again. It was less rough, but no less passionate.

**00000**

"Does that happen often?" Medic asked as watched the dark haired smurfette head out of the building.

"Only if they smurfen to sit together. Jokey likes to smurf Grouchy until he smurfs his top." Greedy replied after he finished off half a pie.

"Sounds kinda dangerous from the reaction just a lil' bit ago." The brown haired smurfette took a drink of her smurfberry juice.

"It is. Jokey just smurfs for stuff like that. It's just how he is." The gourmet offered her the last cupcake.

The healer considered it. "Um, I better not. That's tempting though. Thanks."

"They're always too tempting for me." He ate half of the cupcake in a single bite.

The smurfette pulled a book from the stack of five next to her and opened it to a marked page. "Sorry I'm not gonna to be much help, but the sooner I get these read, the sooner Dabbler will consider workin' with me."

That had been the doctor's stipulation. She grinned again as she thought of his smug expression as he handed her the books. She had an ace up her sleeve that she let Greedy in on as they headed back from the medical office. He surprised her by telling her that an eidetic memory was possible with potions and Clumsy had been splashed by one at one point. While the potion wore off after a counter potion with Gargamel, the klutzy smurf's mind had improved.

"It's fine. Cobbler and Barber usually smurf out after lunch." Greedy shrugged as he finished off the cupcake.

"Should I move over somewhere outta the way?" Medic asked. She'd sat quietly in the kitchen reading while the smurfs prepared lunch.

"Oh, I wouldn't smurf if you sat in my lap." The ample smurf realized his slip and backtracked. "I. I mean to smurf you're not in the way at all! I'll smurf the dishes." Blushing, he stood and picked up an armload of dishes, then almost ran from the room.

"What on earth was that all about?" The brown haired smurfette murmured to herself. Shrugging it off as an oddity she wasn't privy to, she propped the book up on the table to read, quickly becoming engrossed. Some of the information looked dated, but she'd remember it all after just one read through.

She didn't notice when Cobbler was shoved through the door of the kitchen by Greedy's hand. The shoemaker smurf went about gathering the dishes until the tables were cleared.

In the kitchen, the gourmet smurf was about to tear his bib he was wringing it so hard. "I really smurfed up!" He groaned.

"What, did you smurf her food?" Chef asked as he put away some vegetables.

"I smurfed her that I wouldn't smurf if she sat in my lap." The ample smurf did tear a corner on his bib then.

"Oh no, Greedy. You realize she's one of the transmurfed smurfs, no? That she will be smurfed back when Papa smurfs the right spell?" Chef looked at the distraught smurf with pity.

"Chef is right, amigo. Better to not smurf your hopes up." Baker chimed in as he put a batch of dough in a pan to rise.

Greedy slumped. "But she's smurfing all of those books. It really smurfs like she plans to stay."

"Have you smurfed her?" Barber asked, elbow deep in dishwater. Cobbler came in and levered his armload onto the counter.

"I would if I hadn't smurfed up and smurfed that to her." The gourmet groaned again.

"What are we smurfing about?" Cobbler asked, intrigued. Barber filled him in. "Greedy, she doesn't even look like she smurfs what you smurfed. She's in there reading those smurfs."

Cobbler returned the earlier favor and shoved the ever-hungry smurf back out into the mess hall. He twisted his bib in his hands again, tearing the linen further. Tailor was going to have a fit. The smurfette was oblivious, turning another page as he approached.

"Um. Medic?" It took some willpower to pull his hands away from his abused bib.

"Just a sec." The female replied, eyes darting over the page until she came to a stopping point. She tucked the scrap of paper she used as a bookmark back into the book and closed it. "Yeah?"

"I just wanted to apologize for what I smurfed earlier." Greedy wasn't quite sure what to do with his hands, so he wound up clasping them behind his back.

The smurfette chuckled nervously. "Well it was a bit brazen, but I guess it's kinda flatterin' as long as ya don't go all creepo on me."

The smurf waved his hands in supplication. "No! I didn't mean to smurf it in the first place. It was just a Spring Fever slip of the smurf."

"Spring Fever?" Medic raised a brow in query. "Wait, I saw that in the table of contents in this book." She pulled the third book from the stack and leafed through it. The ample smurf was just grateful that he didn't have to explain it himself and let her read.

"Oh my." She said after finishing the short section on it. It was mentioned it was explained in further detail in another book, one she didn't have. She'd have to pay a visit to Dabbler's again. "So does that mean that a smurf will just up and declare their love for any female they come across? That introduction didn't answer that."

"I smurf there's more to it than that." Greedy tried to explain as best he could. "It's like smurfing hungry but not starving, you have to like the food. It won't make you smurf something you don't like."

"Ah. I get it. That's why it said mild. Which is why you were embarrassed at the slip-up." So she was back to feeling a little flattered by the attention instead of worried it was some hormone induced mating display. "I guess I'll have to get used to that."

"Get used to it? You mean you smurf to stay a smurf?" The gourmet tried to keep his tail from twitching with excitement.

"Well, I haven't officially asked yet, but I'm leanin' towards it. It's nice here." Not to mention all the problems that would come with reverting back to her old form.

"I'm sure you'd find it smurfy to live here." He had gotten his hopes up again.

"It's good to know I'm welcomed." She smiled, unlike many of her others, this one reached her eyes. "Ya know, why not? I'll ask at supper if I can stay."

"Yippee!" Greedy gave her an excited bear hug.

"Need to breathe." Her voice was strained.

"Oops. Hehe." The ample smurf let her go and she sucked in a breath. "Sorry."

Medic laughed.

**00000**

The cauldron bubbled on the fire. Papa had set up a table outside of his workshop with various items and spellbooks. He was currently leafing through one of the tomes.

Muttering to himself, the smurf wizard picked up two vials and looked at them carefully before putting one back. The other he carried to the cauldron and placed in three drops. Finally, to power the transformation, he added a smurf sized beaker of essence.

From there he directed the spell, the vapors from the cauldron giving off a bright glow. The magic swirled around Biquette, wrapping her in a cloak of glowing fog.

Suddenly the smurfette changed form. Standing there was now a tiny goat in an old dress. Biquette bleated in surprise and stomped a foreleg.

Papa smurf hummed thoughtfully. Was that permanent or a temporary transformation? He walked into his lab and pulled a large mirror that was secured to the lid of a trunk. Taking that outside, he looked at the goat through the mirror.

"Did it work?" Johan asked, he could see a glow around the black animal in the mirror, but had no idea what that meant. His own reflection showed no such glow.

"No. The glow smurfs that Biquette has an enchantment upon her. Fascinating. I smurfed that perhaps you had only been transmurfed temporarily, Johan. But the mirror smurfs you as a real smurf."

"Peewit said that Biquette got hit with a small blue orb just after she was changed. And then he watched the same thing happen to the dryad. The orb flew from somewhere on the Wizard's chest." The knight supplied. That tidbit of information had taken several rounds of questioning the night previous. Peewit tended to notice things, but if it wasn't food or danger, they didn't quite register as important.

The older smurf looked thoughtfully at the mirror. "Gargamel must have had some way to smurf the True Blue spell. There are a few ways he could have smurfed this." From the glow, they had about a week before the enchantment wore off and Biquette turned back into a smurf. Layering the enchantments on her to make it last longer and then grow her to a normal goat's size would work and he could potentially make the magic last as long as the goat lived... But that much magic layered on top of itself had the potential to backfire, especially if introduced to other volatile magics.

No. The safer thing would be to figure out how to remove the True Blue spell. Then the transformation would wear off naturally in a few days.

"What's wrong, Papa Smurf?" Johan asked. The older smurf was frowning as he looked into the mirror.

"To unsmurf this, I'm going to have to smurf something I've never done before." Papa said sadly. "I'll have to smurf a curse that desmurfs the True Blue spell." The idea certainly did not sit well with him. If something went wrong, Smurfette, Vexy, Hackus and the two animals could be affected as well.

"It's too dangerous to smurf something like that here. I'll have to smurf my supplies to a secluded place." The red-clad smurf continued. He rubbed his beard in thought.

The motion reminded the former human of another wizard. "What about going to Homnibus? Surely he could assist you and the distance would mean safety for the village."

"Brilliant!" The older smurf broke into a grin. "I'll smurf Homibus a letter right away!" He bustled into his lab to grab quill, ink, and parchment. His human friend would be pleased to work with him on a new and intriguing spell. And to help their mutual friends, he was sure Homibus wouldn't refuse.

After penning the letter, he waited for the ink to dry. Peewit had shown up while he was occupied and was feeding the tiny goat a loaf of bread. "So Biquette's not back to normal?" The dwarf asked.

"No, Peewit, but we're smurfing on it." Papa answered. He checked the paper and decided to wait a bit longer. Better to wait then have a smudged letter create a misunderstanding.

"How quickly do you think Homibus will reply?" Johan wondered.

"Oh, I'm smurfing that he'll reply immediately." Papa answered, checking the page again. The ink was finally dry and he rolled up the letter and tied it with a string. Blowing a loud whistle, he called a bird to him. It was less a real whistle and more of a spell, the little animal messenger flitted down from a nearby tree. The sparrow looked familiar and the elder wondered if it was one of the formerly transformed animals. "If you would be so kind as to take this to Homibus the Enchanter, I thank you friend."

The bird tweeted in response and held out a leg, allowing the letter to be tied to him. Then the bird took off, flying towards the human's home.

"I've smurfed Homibus if I could see him today but he may wish to wait until tomorrow." Papa looked at Johan. "In either case, I'd like you and the other transmurfed smurfs to accompany me when I smurf to Homibus's. We'll fly by stork."

"F-fly?" Peewit squeaked. He didn't like the sound of that. "Couldn't I just ride Biquette?" The jester pointed to the goat currently eating a dandelion nearby.

"Bayard. We could take my horse." Johan suggested. "Poor Bayard needs to have his tack pulled off and to be brushed. He's been wearing it for two days now."

Papa chuckled. "Very well. We'll go by horse." Perhaps most humans just weren't ready for travel by flight. Those in the other world thought little of it. Then again, they were enclosed in enormous flying carriages and couldn't feel the wind or see many of the sights like smurfs did when traveling by stork. Mr. Winslow had mentioned something about not being able to breathe as high up as they were when they flew to Paris.

"Shall I go fetch the others?" Johan asked, jarring the bearded smurf from his thoughts. The red clad smurf nodded.

"Lars said they were heading back to their room." Peewit supplied. "But the dryad was still sitting with Greedy smurf when I left."

"I'll be smurfing up my supplies for the journey." Papa announced. "I'll be here."

"Right." Johan nodded. "I'll fetch the former bandits, Peewit, if you'll fetch the dryad."

"Um. Can I fetch the bandits instead? She's kinda scary." The dwarf looked nervous.

The knight sighed. "Very well." Really, to be scared when the female had only been giving a distraction. The bandanna wearing smurf headed off to the mess hall.

The lunch dishes had long been cleared away and preparations for dinner were just getting started. Medic still sat at the table, almost finished with the first book.

A crashing was suddenly heard and the smurfette looked up. "Out! Out! Si ghiottone!" Chef was screaming in Italian and the words didn't sound nice.

"Ow! Ow! Ok! I'm going!" Greedy barreled through the door and into the mess hall. The door swinging back closed saved him from a flying frying pan. It crashed back into the kitchen.

"What'n tha world?" The brown haired female stared.

The gourmet smurf approached her, rubbing his head and looking a bit embarrassed. He sat down opposite her and laughed. "Uh. Hi."

"What was that about?" Medic asked.

He chuckled. "Sometimes I get a bit too tempted while smurfing out. And then I smurf something and Chef smurfs me out of the kitchen."

"But don't a lotta of cooks taste their food as they're makin' it?" She looked confused.

Greedy grinned and rubbed the back of his head again. "Yeah, but most don't smurf a half-dozen smurfberry tarts to taste test them."

The smurfette laughed. "Yeah, I can see that makin' him mad."

Johan walked through the double doors, spotting the healer almost immediately. "Madam Dryad, Papa Smurf wishes to see you."

"Ok. And it's Medic now." The female looked down at her books. "Um, Greedy could you watch these?"

"I'll smurf them for you and smurf along." The plump smurf grinned cheerfully as he picked up the books.

"Oh, you didn't have to..." Medic started, then smiled instead. "Thanks."

The miniature knight led the two smurfs back to the elder's house. There, Peewit and the other former humans awaited their arrival. Papa was talking with Smurfette, Hefty, and Gutsy.

The jester spotted the approaching trio first. "Johan! Homibus wants to help and says we can come at our earliest convenience!"

"Fantastic, Peewit." The knight smiled as he stopped near his friend. "Will we be leaving as soon as possible then?"

"Just as soon as we load up that trunk and all climb onto Bayard." The dwarf said excitedly. He patted Biquette as she wandered close. Papa and the other three smurfs were standing near a large trunk.

"But Papa, Brainy?" Gutsy said plaintively and loud enough to be overheard. "You know how that busysmurf smurfs with an ounce of powar."

Papa shook his head. "Alright then. Smurfette, you're in charge." He'd have to try to get Brainy to be less pompous later.

The elder turned his attention to the assembled transformed smurfs. "Now that you're all smurfed here we can find Bayard and get smurfing to Homibus's. I hope that once there, it won't take long to smurf you back to your normal forms."

"Um, Sir." The only smurfette of the transformed group raised her hand. "I'd like to stay, if that's alright." The former humans looked at her.

"Oh?" The sentiment surprised the bearded smurf. "Don't you have a home or family to smurf back to?"

Medic looked at the ground and took a breath. "No."

Oh dear. The red-clad smurf thought. It sounded like she'd suffered a grievous loss. After a moment, he nodded. "I see. Then you're free to smurf here as long as you like."

"Thank you, Sir." The female sighed, relieved.

"Oh, and it's not Sir. It's Papa." The bearded smurf corrected.

"Thank you, Papa." Medic echoed with the corrected name.

Papa looked at the former humans and tiny goat. "Well then, it'll be the eight of us smurfing to Homibus's. Johan, if you could smurf Bayard and if somesmurf will smurf me with this trunk, we can get smurfing."

The elder picked up one end of the trunk and Lars picked up the other. Smurfette and Gutsy called after them, wishing them a safe journey. Together, the seven smurfs and goat headed towards the east side of the village. Over the bridge and through the barrier they walked before the knight whistled for his steed.

After the third whistle the thudding of hooves on soft earth could be heard and the white horse trotted his way through the trees. He greeted them with a nicker, lowering his head to sniff at Johan. Biquette bleated, prompting the horse to sniff her as well. Papa pulled several bundles of rope from the trunk and the knight took one as he climbed up onto the horse's head.

Making his way down the animal's neck, he tied a rope to the saddle and the other transformed smurfs climbed up. They had to tie ropes to the trunk and miniature goat and slowly hoist them up onto the saddle. Biquette did not enjoy the treatment but weathered it all with only an angry pawing at the saddle once she was aloft.

They secured the trunk and goat. Samuel had the idea to run two ropes down the saddle to act as handles and it turned out to be very helpful once the knight picked up the reigns. The horse started off and the jolt nearly had Peewit toppling off of the saddle. After the rocky start, they were off.

**00000**

Greedy's elation at the female staying was tainted by what she'd just said to Papa. In that one 'no' there was a deep sadness. He didn't know what to say. They had started walking in the general direction of the mess hall after Papa and his group had gotten too far to shout at.

Finally he settled for a question. "Medic?" She looked at him with her green flecked blue eyes. "Are you ok?"

Her mouth lifted to a half-smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I'll be fine. It's not like they're missin' me. I'm still there."

"Uh... what?" The gourmet smurf blinked in confusion.

"The spell that brought me here went wrong. Instead of transportin' me into another world, it basically copied me and placed those copies into multiple different worlds." She ran her hand through her hair as she explained. "I'm pretty much a copy of the me in my home world. So there's still the original me there livin' with my family."

"Oh!" The smurf nodded in understanding. "You're like Hundred Smurf." That prompted a retelling of how the reflection smurf came to be. By the end, the two were sitting just off the path with the stack of books between them.

"So he's got all of Vanity's memories?" The smurfette asked.

"From what Hundred smurfs, he remembers things as if smurfing at Vanity through a mirror. But it's strange, some of the things he smurfs happened when Vanity wasn't looking in a mirror." Greedy picked a few sprigs of grass.

"Maybe during his creation the other memories were filled in from Vanity? I'm not even sure how lightnin' on silver could make a reflection come to life. The magic of this world might be a bit different fer all I know." Medic chuckled. "I'm much better at healin' spells than anythin' else anyways."

The ample smurf nodded, remembering her somewhat disturbing demonstration to Dabbler. Cutting her finger off delibrately just to regrow it worked... but she didn't forewarn either of the two smurfs. At least she apologized afterward when it was pointed out to her. She tended to take for granted what she could do with her abilities.

The gourmet's stomach rumbled. "I wonder what they're smurfing for dinner."

"Will they let ya back in?" The smurfette queried.

"Probably not until after dinner. We could smurf to the sarsaparilla fields." The hungry smurf was getting excited over the thought of picking some of the leaves already.

"Those plants are poisonous to humans, they're not t'smurfs?" Medic picked up two of the books this time, beating Greedy who grabbed the other three.

"They're a smurfy part of our diet. We smurfed some at lunch." The smurf stood, starting to lead the way.

"Heh. I thought those were collard greens." The healer laughed.

"You can smurf the difference better when they're raw. Sarsaparilla smurfs a little bit sweeter." The bib wearing smurf smiled.

The subject stayed on food until they got to the sarsaparilla fields.


	9. SF Side Story: Alchemical Romance

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**Warning! This work contains explicit sex between two male characters. You have been warned.**

Alchemical Romance

(A month before the arrival of Baby Smurf)

There was a knock at the door. Alchemist was glad he wasn't messing with anything volatile at the moment. "Come in!" He called, looking back down to the chopping board and carefully dicing more smurfroot.

"Hey, Alchy! I smurfed ya a surprise." The prankster grinned, holding up one of his yellow boxes wrapped with a red ribbon.

The potioneer huffed in annoyance. "If you think I'll smurf for that old gag you're sadly missmurfen." He knew about the mild compulsion spell put on the gift. He used it himself to keep smurfs away from his books and ingredient stores. How or where Jokey learned the magic was beyond him... as was how he managed to get around the spell and get into the ingredients.

"Aww. But you'll like this one! Smurf's honor!" Jokey grinned and offered the gift.

The dark-clad smurf only raised one eyebrow as he moved the smurfroot over to beside the cauldron. The gift-bearing smurf was the only regular visitor he had and the potioneer was used to his particular brand of chaos. They even collaborated on pranks, which worked well for him since the smurfs blamed the bomber.

"Ooo. What'cha smurfin?" Gift forgotten, the comedian looked at the assembled ingredients.

"A Pixie offered to smurf me a lot of ingredients in exchange for a love potion." Alchemist probably shouldn't have told the prankster that. If word got back to Papa that he was making deals with other fey races...

"And you've smurfed that before?" The bomber looked at him. Love potions were the pranking opportunity of a lifetime and he was suddenly eager to help... and maybe snag a vial for his own nefarious purposes.

"A few times. Enough that I smurf nothing will explode." The first time he'd tried to make one it did explode. He was very grateful that he'd been alone at the time.

"Can I smurf out?" Jokey tried to keep the scheming grin from his face. It was probably there though since the potioneer narrowed his eyes.

"I need your smurf that you'll never use one on me for any reason." The prankster started to say something but the other smurf wasn't finished. "And if you ever do I'll smurf you into a newt!"

He was serious then. The bomber gulped. "Sure. I smurf that I'll never smurf a love potion on you for any reason."

After a moment, Alchemist accepted. "Then we'll smurf now. Love potions are smurfed from 9 ingredients including the base." He lit the burner under the cauldron and dumped in the smurfroot. "Smurfroot works well for the base."

"Next, rose to smurf away inhibition." Jokey obligingly handed the potioneer the plate of red petals.

"Then honey, to smurf things sweet." The amber liquid changed the color of the potion to yellow. "And jasmine to smurf off a spark." That changed the color from a yellow to a warm brown.

Cinnamon was added for spice, then smurfmelon for passion. The potion took on a dark brown hue. Arugula was put in 'to kindle the flame', followed by a red pepper for 'fire'.

"And lastly, pomegranate for hidden desire and to smurf the brew." As Alchemist stirred, the potion took on a similar hue to the last fruit added in. Finally the brew took on an opalescent sheen and the potioneer removed the cauldron from the flame. "See? Simple." The smurf said as he killed the flame.

"Dangerously simple." Jokey agreed with a rather devious grin. Within a week he was sure he wouldn't be allowed to make a love potion ever again. It made him all warm with excitement. Wait... what? "Why do I smurf warm all of a sudden?" The prankster looked at the smurf beside him.

"It's just a smurf effect of the potion fumes. You can ignore it, it'll smurf off by dinnertime. It's not like being smurfed with the actual potion." He didn't care to mention what had happened during those hazy hours after that first potion had exploded on him.

"And what makes it smurf away besides time?" The bomber felt much the way he did around the smurfettes during spring time.

The brewer considered for a moment. He could try to scare his temporary assistant off and let him go bother somesmurf else, but if the comedian called his bluff... well, that idea didn't seem that horrible either. Win-win, for him at least.

"Smurfing."

Jokey chuckled. "You're joking right?"

Alchemist leaned towards the other smurf with a predatory grin. "I wouldn't smurf a joke about that. You're lucky the potion didn't explode, or we'd already be smurfing on the floor."

Smurfs were impulsive creatures, and Jokey smurf was perhaps one of the most impulsive. The prankster closed the small gap between them and planted his lips on the other smurf's. Instead of jerking back in surprise like the joker expected, the potioneer wrapped his arms around him and grinding their hips together. Breaking the kiss he panted, "I guess the joke's on me."

Alchemist hadn't let go yet. "Going to smurf away?" He'd have to let go if the comedian really wanted to leave.

"And miss all the fun? Not on your smurf." Boldly he kissed the potioneer again, this time grinding against him.

The brewer ran his hands down lower, squeezing both cheeks. Finally he pulled back. "Bed." Without waiting for an answer he scooped the prankster up and carried him across the room.

Jokey chuckled as he was deposited onto the bed. "You're smurfing like you've smurfed this before."

"Only to mysmurf." The caped smurf crawled towards his partner, then grabbed the waistband of the bomber's white pants. The white-clad smurf lifted his hips and let himself be devested. The potioneer was careful not to yank the other smurf's tail.

The comedian leaned forward and kissed the dark-clad smurf again. It was hard for Alchemist to concentrate on pulling off his own pants with his lips locked against the other smurf. Once naked he crawled over top of the prankster, pushing him slowly down onto the bed. He didn't break the kiss as he took Jokey's smurf in his hand.

Jokey moaned, then got an idea and pushed his tongue against his lover's lips. The potioneer opened his mouth and deepened the kiss. That stifled a few of the moans the joker let out when the caped smurf pumped him experimentally. It only took a few fumbling tries for the moaning smurf to return the favor, taking hold of the brewer's smurf and moving his hand slowly up and down.

Finally Alchemist had to break the kiss. "Ah, faster!" He moaned and nearly lost his own rhythm when his lover obliged. They were both panting as their pleasure built. The caped smurf captured his partner's lips again, growling.

The comedian began to buck his hips as he came closer to his finish. His hand started to jerk his lover's member roughly. The potioneer hissed and pulled away, slowing his own pumping.

"Don't stop! Please!" Jokey pleaded. He was close, so close.

Figuring it would be better to let his partner touch him when he wasn't so distracted, the brewer sat back, pumping his hand and watching the smurf come undone. It was a slight rush to see Jokey lying there, moaning and clutching at the covers. It was a kind of power. He saw his lover tense, felt the twitching of his smurf as a few more pumps produced a slightly white liquid that splattered onto the comedian's blue stomach and chest.

It took the joker a few moments to recover. "Kinda... lost it there. Sorry." He propped himself up on his elbows looking first at his own seed and then at Alchemist's still erect smurf. He had another idea and grinned.

"Are you going to smurf there or help me?" The caped smurf sat back, letting his erection jut out for emphasis.

Jokey wiped the cum from his stomach, cupping it into his hand. Without any warning he rubbed it onto his partner's member.

The potioneer gasped. "What are you smurfing?" The slick sensation was amazing. He could only watch as his lover straddled him and slowly started to impale himself.

The prankster chuckled. "S-surprise." He was still taking him in, bit by bit.

"This is torture." Alchemist moaned. From the way his partner was flushed, it wouldn't be a good idea to speed things along himself. But the heat and the tightness made him want to start thrusting.

"Let's see you put a smurf in your smurf any faster. Heh-heh." Finally he'd pushed himself all the way down. Instead of moving right away, he pulled his lover into another kiss.

Slowly Jokey moved his hips, stifling the potioneer's moan with his mouth. He started rocking, the thrusting motion driving his partner in and out of him. The prankster wrapped his arms around the caped smurf's neck, finding a rhythm.

Alchemist had to break the kiss to suck in air. "This... feels amazing." He moaned between pants.

"Mmm, feels pretty smurfy this. Way. Too." The comedian rocked faster, he was starting to get hard again. The potioneer leaned forward, pressing their chests together and wrapping his arms low, gripping the other smurf's rear.

Emboldened by the faster pace, the brewer started to buck his hips along with his lover. He wanted more. He moved his arms and rolled them both so that Jokey was on his back again. The caped smurf gripped his lover's hips and started to thrust.

Any jokes that had been on the prankster's mind were lost in the haze of pleasure that overwhelmed him again. He was aware of crying out. Of pleasure mixed with a small amount of pain from the hard thrusts that filled him and pulled out only to repeat.

Alchemist was growling, losing himself in the primal sensations. The heat and the squeeze of the comedian's body were driving him on, driving him closer to release.

Jokey's hands found their way to his lover's legs and he grabbed them, pulling him in with each thrust. "Come on! I want it!" Caught up in the moment, he didn't realize the effect of his words.

The potioneer's orgasm seemed to come from his toes and climb up to his spine as he came. "Mine." He growled. He pumped his seed into his lover.

"Yess!" The prankster hissed, coming for the second time. The caped smurf pulled out and lowered himself tiredly, laying on top of his partner and uncaring about the wet seed covering him.

Catching the bomber's chin with his hand, Alchemist pulled him into another kiss. The word 'mine' was echoing in his mind. Perhaps this time the bit of dragon left in his mind was right. He'd like to keep him.

Finally Jokey pulled away. "I wouldn't mind smurfing this more often." It was a bold statement that was more of a question.

"Tonight?" The caped smurf asked with a grin.

"Sounds like fun." The comedian chuckled. The comfortable silence stretched between them and he found himself nodding off.

The potioneer looked tired as well, but levered himself up. They were sweaty, sticky and a bit sore in places. "We should probably smurf up at the bath house."

A hot soak sounded heavenly to the prankster. "Smurfy idea. I'll go smurf my stuff."

Alchemist climbed off the bed to start pulling out clean clothes. "We can smurf up at the bath house in a few smurfs." He turned to see the bomber pulling on his pants. He located his own dark pants in a heap by the bed and picked them up.

Walking softly over, Jokey pulled his lover into a spooning hug and purred into his ear. "Smurf you in a little while."

The double entendre wasn't lost on the potioneer, who turned and captured the comedian's lips in another kiss. When he became aware that he was getting excited again, he pulled away. "Smurf you soon."

The bomber laughed, heading out to get his clothes and other bath items. Knowing him, he'd probably bring back another gift box. He eyed the yellow package on his workbench as he walked over.

Pointedly not touching it, he carefully ladled the contents of the cauldron into eight vials. After he corked them, he placed them on a small rack and then poured spring water into the cauldron to help dilute what little potion was left inside. He'd wash the thing out after dinner.

His eyes went to the package again as a sudden urge to open it took hold of him. Blast, his elbow was touching it! He knew what was likely to come and picked it up, carrying the box away from his fragile ingredients. Then he held the box away from his head, grabbed the ribbon and pulled.

Nothing happened.

Cautiously, he looked into the package. About a dozen smurfroot lay in the box. That likely meant some of his sulfur had gone 'missing' again. Jokey liked to trade ingredients and probably noted that he was low on the root when he took the sulfur. At least he could get the coal from Miner.

He huffed and grinned. The prankster wouldn't be a bad smurffriend, they were already friends after all.


	10. Ch 09: Stolen Moments

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**Now I know why they call it a crack pairing. I can't help myself with Alchemist and Jokey. More Alkey smut this chapter, but it's not m/m. *Winks***

****Extra Warning: Explicit Sex this chapter. You have been warned.****

**Reviews- Lac Lausanne: I'm rather proud of how that turned out. :3 I've written m/f, m/f/f, and f/f, but that was my first m/m. And now I've got a crazy crackship stuck in my mind! X3**

Chapter 09: Stolen Moments

Vexy barreled into the mess hall, passing a pleased looking Huntress walking with Tracker. The former naughtie headed directly to Smurfette, grabbing her sister's shoulder.

"We really need to talk. Right now." She ignored the looks from Hefty and Gutsy. Brainy looked like he was about to say something but Smurfette stood and followed her dark haired sibling. They walked outside the log shaped building then around to the back. They wouldn't be overheard here.

"Is something wrong?" The blond asked worriedly.

"He kissed me, he kissed me, oh my smurf he kissed me!" Vexy blurted out.

Smurfette let out a girly squeal. "Oh smurfness! That's smurfy! What happened?" The younger created smurfette told how the riled grouch finally made a move. And then how they'd spent most of the time between lunch and dinner making out.

The blond hugged her sister. "That's smurftastic!" Letting go, she wondered out loud, "But where is Grouchy now?"

The dark haired smurfette blushed and scowled at the same time. "We were heading to dinner when a smurf just stops us on the path and hands off Baby to Grouchy. He's gone to Papa's. Said he needed to change her didey."

Smurfette narrowed her eyes. "I'll have to ask Mirror who he smurfed her to. That smurf couldn't have had her more than a few minutes." Papa had been clear that taking care of the baby would be all the smurfs responsibility, not just his or a choice few. It was quickly becoming apparent that some smurfs were not cut out for smurflingsitting.

"The strange thing is, Grouchy didn't seem to mind. He looked mad, sure, but he didn't tense up like he does when he really doesn't like something." Vexy commented.

The elder creation smiled. "From what I've smurfed about who's been watching Baby, Grouchy's smurfed her more than any other smurf."

Vexy smiled with a completely smitten expression. "And he'd just hate for anyone to know that, I'm sure."

Smurfette giggled. "So, are you two smurffriends now?"

"He'd hate for anyone to know that, too." The brunette chuckled. She was fine with waiting until the news naturally came out. "So when are you and Hefty...?"

The blond sighed. "I couldn't. I was smurfed by a spell at the time, but I recall every smurf's expression when I smurfed it'd be either Hefty or Handy. It hurt them. If only there were more smurfettes... I've smurfed for that so many times on my star."

"Well, we've got a few more. That new redhead and Sassette when she gets older." She didn't include herself for obvious reasons.

"Oh! And Medic. That dryad asked Papa if she could stay too." Smurfette supplied. "But really, I'd always smurfed for all of the smurfs to find love."

"Well, at least they'd leave us alone then." Vexy grinned.

"Vexy!" Her sister admonished, but the effect was lessened by her laughter.

"Let's head back. They're probably wondering where we are." The black-haired female lead the way back around and into the mess hall. Grouchy was sitting with Gutsy, Hefty, Brainy, and Clumsy. Baby was on his lap and he was feeding her pureed smurfberries. The child was shaking her head to try and get the spoon into her mouth, smearing smurfberry mush all over her face.

The smurfettes sat down beside their respective smurfs. The blond looked at the grump, who was spooning another bit of food into the smurfling's mouth.

"Grouchy, who smurfed Baby to you?" Smurfette asked.

"Liar." The ornery smurf rumbled. "Smurfed something about having a personal emergency that needed smurfing. Pretty sure that he's just smurfing up to his name." He managed to catch a bit of dribbled food from the child's chin and redirect it back to her mouth.

The blonde scowled. "I don't think Papa's plan is going to smurf out. There are just some smurfs that aren't cut out for smurflingsitting. To try and force it..." She didn't want to voice that it might be dangerous for Baby.

"You should smurf a list." Brainy advised. "That way other smurfs will know which smurfs would be unsmurfy at watching Baby."

"That's a smurfy idea, Brainy. I'll smurf on it in my spare time." Smurfette took a drink of water.

"Oh, allow me! I won't mind smurfing up a list right away." The bespectacled smurf offered. He created so many lists, in fact his quotations books were novel sized collections of lists.

"Thank you, Brainy." The florist smiled, the egotistical smurf puffed up with pride.

Baby sneezed, spraying slobber and mashed smurfberries all over Grouchy. Some splatter hit Vexy as well. The grump huffed, cracked a fleeting smile, and reached for a spare napkin to wipe the large glop off of his chest.

While the sourpuss was paying attention to cleaning up, he didn't notice Hefty's slackjawed stare or that Gutsy had paused with a bite of smurfberry casserole halfway to his mouth. The muscled smurf looked at Smurfette for an explanation and the female lifted a single finger to her lips. Calling the grouch out on his tolerant behavior might well make him fall back into old habits.

Little did they know, the behavior was reserved for only two smurfettes at the moment, the one he was feeding and the other that was cleaning the smurfberry mush off of herself by his side. Gutsy was trying to ask questions with hand gestures that the blond couldn't understand. When the elder creation mouthed 'later' very clearly, it seemed to mollify the four smurfs. Well, almost all. Brainy looked like he was about to explode with the questions rattling around in his head.

After getting himself reasonably clean, Grouchy tried to feed baby another spoonful of food. Instead of eating, she grabbed the spoon, squishing the food between her fingers. He picked up his own napkin and gently cleaned the infant's hand. She was probably full, so now he could eat. He started with the casserole, holding the child with one arm and eating with the other.

"So where's Papa?" The grump asked. This prompted Smurfette to fill him in on the elder's trip to the human wizard. That started the conversation back up at the table, that picked up more as the smurfs finished eating. The sourpuss smurf tried to feed the child a bit more after he was full, but she only wanted to play with the spoon.

"Baby needs a bath." The ornery smurf stood with the child in his arms, turning to leave.

"I'll walk with you." Vexy offered, standing up and following.

Brainy managed to wait until they were out of the door before verbally pouncing. "What's smurfing on?! I've never seen Grouchy smurf so... so... smurfy before!" He paused. "At least... not since he was smurfed by the purple fly."

"Maybe he's finally smurfin' over it, ya think?" Gutsy wondered out loud.

"It's been 43 years, maybe it smurfs off slowly?" Hefty speared a smurfberry with his fork but didn't bother eating it.

"46 actually." Brainy corrected. Beside him, Clumsy shuddered. If it weren't for a huge amount of luck, the entire village would have been lost. The intellectual and the klutz were the two youngest smurfs at the time, barely into adulthood. No matter their age, the smurfs in the village didn't like to talk about the events.

Their reluctance to talk of the issue left Smurfette at loose ends. She only caught snippets of what had happened, combined with a single article that Editor had printed after the disaster was over. It told the general tale and stressed keeping tuberose pollen on hand at all times.

The blond looked at the quiet table, wondering if now would be a good time to ask a few questions. "Grouchy was the first purple smurf?" She asked softly.

Hefty sighed. "He wasn't always smurfed Grouchy, ya know. He was Quiet smurf before. He was smurfed out into the forest to get some wood and got smurfed by a purple fly." The muscled smurf trailed off.

"Ye got te understand, Lass." Gutsy picked up the tale. "Grouchy was a purple smurf fer two days. In the end, he started ta... ta change. He was smarter than the rest of the infected smurfs by then. Smurfed himself blue with paint te disguise himself and fought Papa in his lab when he was tryin ta cure us. He's the one that smurfed Papa, and if it wasn't fer that explosion in the lab... we wouldna be here today."

Smurfette had never heard this side of the tale. It made sense now, why many of the smurfs didn't like to anger him. Not just because he could be ornery, but because there was likely a genuine fear from the whole incident... and maybe blame too. "What was it like?" She found herself asking at almost a whisper. Both the scotsmurf and Hefty looked at their plates, refusing to answer.

Clumsy hugged himself, rocking a bit. "It's like you're the maddest you've ever been. Ah ain't never been so mad before er since. All ya wanted to smurf was bite." His gentle southern accent came out more when he was upset or excited. "It was like smurfin' at yersmurf but you wutn't in control. An' you had to watch yersmurf... smurf things." Brainy pulled his friend into a hug, not bothering to call him out on his diction. Clumsy took a shuddering breath and clung to his best friend.

"As near as I could smurfmise after the fact," Briany began, still comforting Clumsy. "the disease was a fast acting one similar in nature to the foaming mouth disease that smurfs animals. We were lucky there was a cure, as I'm not sure if the end result of the purple disease would smurf the same as the foaming mouth disease." He grunted as Clumsy squeezed him tight for a moment. "However, given Grouchy's case... sometimes I wonder if we would have smurfed into something else." He didn't say that it was just as likely that the grump's case was unique, and the rest of them could have died from the disease. Being unable to feed one's self was a large inhibitor of survivability after all.

"I... I never knew." Smurfette finally said. "I'm sorry for smurfing up such unsmurfy memories."

"It's fine, Lass." Gutsy stood up. "Well, we've got our chores ta do and Greedy's already smurfing the tables. Think I'll see if Timber would smurf some help." The scotsmurf left after nodding his head at the table. Usually after dinner was time to split firewood just outside of the kitchens. The adventurer smurf felt like he needed to do something physical.

"I'm gonna smurf on Handy, see if he needs anythin." Hefty stood, but not before patting the blond's knee under the table. Knowing she was welcome to join him, Smurfette mumbled an excuse and hurried after him.

Clumsy finally let go, sitting back up with one arm gripping his other. "Ah don't think Ah'll be able ta sleep without a smurfmare t'night." He confessed. "Could Ah stay over?"

Brainy was secretly grateful for the question. "Of course. Let's go smurf your things."

**00000**

Wooly waited until Tracker and Huntress got up and left. So far, he had only told Herder about the puzzling statement. The aussie smurf tilted his head pointedly in the direction of the kitchens and the two stood and left.

"They're smurfing something." Fisher pointed out.

"Whatever they smurf or smurf out, we'll hear eventually." Hunter shrugged.

It was lucky for Wooly and Herder that the two smurfs at the table were among the most patient.

Leaving through the kitchens, the two smurfs spotted their quarry heading away. They were strolling and talking, making their way to Tracker's house. At one point the woodsmurf looked at the redhead, blushing.

"Wonder what's smurfin' on there." The cowsmurf whispered to is fellow stalker.

"No clue, mate." The shephard shrugged.

They tailed at a distance until the two had entered the mushroom shaped house. Then, jogging quickly, they headed towards an out of the way window, the one facing the wilderness instead of the village. Quietly settling themselves under the windowsill, they strained to listen.

"It won't be that bad." Huntress purred.

"It's not that. It's that smurfs talk. I'm worried they'll smurf out about you sooner than later." Tracker's voice moved from one point of the room to the other.

"All they'll see is that we're together. It's not like they'll suddenly see fur and claws." The female huffed. The two spies shared a confused look.

The woodsmurf sighed, close to the window. "So we're together? Smurffriends?"

The smurfette sounded frustrated. "Yes. I think so. Don't expect flowers and poetry... but I like you." She paused and Wooly gave Herder a wide-eyed look. Then she continued. "I saw that little smurf kit today and it made me wonder."

There was silence, then the female spoke again. "Well we've been mating and I don't know if female smurfs get pregnant like other creatures but it seems likely." Something fell to the floor with a clunk.

Both the eavesdropping smurfs jumped, then held their breaths for a few moments, hoping they hadn't given their positions away.

"Oh my smurf." Tracker muttered, something scraping along the floor as if he'd picked it up.

"How long do smurf kits stay helpless? It's more fun when they can romp around." Huntress asked.

"Ah..." Tracker's voice trailed off as he thought. "I was a smurfling of 50 when Brainy and Clumsy smurfed along... I resmurf them crawling before their first word ceremony. They were walking, or smurfing to, not long after. Perhaps less than four or five years?"

"That's not as bad as I thought. When Vanity said you were considered adults after your first century I was worried it'd take a few decades." The redhead's voice was relieved.

"You're not worried about... about smurfing a child?" Tracker asked hesitantly.

"Why would I be? I've had litters before." Under the sill, Herder made a confused face and mouthed 'litters?' to his fellow spy.

"...It's a bit sudden for me. To smurf I may be a father in the future." The woodsmurf confessed.

Huntress laughed. "It's not like you'd be the one giving birth. That's the hardest part." Her voice moved across the room. "And I've never had any help with up to five at a time. One or two would be easy."

"I'd be there to smurf out." The hunter assured her. Their voices were close to each other.

"You would, wouldn't you." The smurfette's voice sounded confident, affectionate.

"Azzy, I smurf you. Of course I'd smurf out with any children we had." There was a wet sound, but the two smurfs we're still trying to puzzle out the pet name.

A murmur was the only warning before footsteps crossed the room. More quickly than the two eavesdroppers could comprehend the shutters above their heads flew open.

They were caught. The pair had the decency to look embarrassed as Tracker narrowed his eyes. "I think you fellows had best smurf in here for a talk."

Sheepishly, the two stood and headed around the house to the door.

"That smurfed pear shaped quick." Herder quipped.

"Ya ain't just whistlin' dixie there." Wooly agreed.

The woodsmurf opened the door for them. There wasn't much to sit on so the smurfs stood. Huntress leaned against the bedpost, arms folded across her chest defensively.

"Let's smurf it, chaps." The hunter began.

"I'm sorry, Tracker. And Ma'am." Wooly began. "I shouldn't 'a been so smurfed up and nosey."

"Too right. Last thing we should've smurfed was to act like 'ol Stickybeak himself." The aussie smurf's nickname for Nosey was well known. "Sorry, Tracker, Shelia."

"How much did you hear?" Huntress asked. It was obvious it was quite a bit when both smurfs blushed.

"Ya'll are... smurffriends a-nd were smurfin' about youngins." The cowsmurf said nervously.

"So pretty much since we smurfed through the door." Tracker resisted the urge to rub that tense spot between his eyebrows.

"You smurfed you had litters." The jackaroo smurf added. "And he smurfed ya Azzy." Realization hit Herder like a smurfball to the head. Claws. Fur. Litters. Azzy. His mouth dropped and he looked back and forth between the woodsmurf and smurfette.

"You smurfy there, pardner?" Wooly asked, still trying to puzzle out what was going on. The redhead shifted uneasily.

The hunter watched the shepherd carefully. He was sure he'd realized. But just how would he react?

"Azrael didn't smurf did she, Shelia?" Herder asked quietly.

Wooly jerked as he realized. "Ho-ly Smurf. **Yer** Azrael?!"

The female looked at the woodsmurf before she sighed. "Yes." Both cowsmurf and shepherd looked at each other in shock.

Finally, the wool gatherer spoke. "Does Papa know?"

"I smurfed him as soon as I found out." Tracker answered.

"Crikey." The aussie smurf rubbed the back of his head. "And he's let her smurf here then." He looked back at the woodsmurf as if the thought just occurred to him. "And you two have been rootin for smurf's sake."

The smurfs blushed, followed by the smurfette when she finally picked up on the context of what 'rooting' meant. The uncomfortable silence stretched out for more than a minute.

"I cain't smurf I like it. But Papa's smurfed his decision and more importantly, I trust ya, Tracker. Yer a level-headed smurf." Wooly glanced at the redhead. "If ya behave, ah... Huntress, I'm sure most of the smurfs won't smurf out."

Herder made a noise of disbelief. "Timber. Don't smurf Timber."

"Whoo doggies..." The cowsmurf agreed. "Or Suspicious."

"I wasn't smurfing on telling anysmurf." Tracker said blandly. "So long as Papa lets it lie, we're smurfing quiet."

"Crystal clear, mate. We won't dob ya in." Herder assured them.

Beside him, the wool gatherer shook his head in agreement. "Ya really should smurf Hunter though. He's yer best friend, fer smurfin' out loud."

The woodsmurf looked down. It was Azzy's tale to tell, but the smurf did want to fill in his best friend. "Probably." He'd have to talk it over with the smurfette beside him. He looked at her. The conversation trailed off.

"We should smurf ourselves out." Wooly began to head to the door. "Sorry again ya'll."

"G'night. ...And sorry mates." The aussie smurf waved as they left.

"Goodnight." Tracker called as the door closed. He sighed. "Bloody hell." The woodsmurf gave in to temptation and rubbed the tense part between his brows.

"They'll keep their word, right?" Huntress asked, walking over to where her mate stood.

"Yes, they're among the smurfs who smurf their word as bond." The woodsmurf looked at her. "I'm sorry, love."

The smurfette looked at him confused. "Why are you sorry?"

"Last night after that hunt, after you smurfed off to bed, Wooly saw me staring and joked about spring fever. I smurfed him 'you have no idea'. It likely smurfed his curiosity and that led to this." The smurf wrapped his arms around his smurffriend.

The former feline snorted. "Neither of us can watch what we say all the time. That's why I'm trying to find new skills. Maybe if I make myself useful I'll get to stay."

"If you're exiled Azzy, know I'll smurf with you." The bloodhound smurf cupped her chin in his hand. The smurfette closed the gap between them, kissing him. He inhaled her scent, just like he did before when he noticed the strong scent of his two friends nearby. This time it was only himself and the redhead and their arousal between them. He was getting dizzy before they broke apart, unsure if it was the need for air or his blood going south.

"How about that shower at my place?" Huntress purred. When she had suggested it earlier they were outside and her mate had blushed an interesting shade of purple.

"Lead the way, love." Tracker murmured. He reluctantly pulled away, picking up the basket he'd dropped earlier full of his bath items and clothes. At least concealed that way it would only look like he was carrying smurfberries or something for her. It also helped that it would conceal the bulge in his pants until he calmed down or got to the apartment.

The redhead gave him a cheshire grin and took his hand, leading them out of the house.

**00000 ***Extra Warning: Genderbent F/F sex ahead! Skip to next scene if you dislike it.*****

Alchemist's stomach growled. It was dinner time and the bell had rang. But she couldn't really go to the mess hall at the moment. So far her calculations to reverse the gender swap hadn't worked. She rubbed a hand down her face, frustrated.

Jokey burst through the door, laughing. "Heya Alchy, ya smurfy?" He carried a basket of smurfberries in the crook of one arm. "I smurfed ya some food!"

The demolition smurf plopped the basket on the table before he turned to look at the potioneer.

Alchemist had been frozen. Jokey would notice, she was sure. At least she still had her cape neatly tied around her chest. She'd folded it up to better secure it earlier and it now looked more like one of Smurfette's bathing suit tops than anything else.

The comedian burst out laughing. "What did you smurf?" Oh yes, he'd noticed.

The brewer waved a hand dismissively. "A potion had a few unexpected smurf effects, nothing I can't fix." Blast it all, why did she have to sound to feminine?

"And now you're a smurfette? That's too funny!" The prankster clutched at his sides, guffawing.

The potioneer abandoned her sheet of calculations in favor of heading to the table to grab some food. "Smurfier than a few of my other accidents."

Jokey sobered a bit, the possibility of accidents was why the smurf checked in at least twice a day. "Yeah." He spied the likely potion still sitting on the workbench. "So what's it like smurfing a smurfette?"

"Not much difference that I can smurf." Alchemist took a bite of smurfberry, not noticing that the prankster was edging towards the workbench. "Except I have to smurf my chest."

"So is it resmurfable?" That thought made him hesitate. He'd already picked up a small vial to put some in, gleeful pranks forming in his mind.

"Not yet. I haven't worked out which base would smurf best with the Antimony first. It's a very smurfticular element." She hungrily ate another berry.

"Would it smurf Smurfette or Vexy into a smurf?" The prankster was now staring at the neutral grey solution in the cauldron.

The smurfette stopped mid-chew. Running a simple calculation in her head she finally swallowed and answered. "Pretty likely. I haven't smurfed the formula on that possibility." Actually, if it could... could the poison also be the cure?

Oh boy. The prankster grinned. Now he just -had- to try some on somesmurf. Quickly, he dipped the vial into cauldron and pulled it out, corking it.

"Jokey, what are you smurfing?!" Alchemist had finally noticed that the bomber had moved.

The smurf smiled innocently and palmed the vial into his pocket. A sudden bee sting feeling in his hand told him he'd accidentally touched some of the liquid. "Uh-oh."

You didn't smurf it did you? That potion made me-" The smurfette never got to finish her sentence. Jokey passed out and fell to the ground. "Oh smurf it all!"

Sighing, the smurfette wrapped her arms around her smurffriend and dragged him to her bed. She lit a candle at the bedside, wondering how long the smurf would be out as he transformed. Humming in thought she went to collect more paper and her ink and quill. Observing the transformation would be handy. After the prankster smurf woke up, she might get volunteered as a test subject to see if it did indeed work in reverse. Or at least the bomber could help her observing anything that happened when she tried touching the solution again...

Alchemist grinned as she pulled off the prankster's hat. Already a soft down of fuzz was growing. Unable to resist, the smurfette rubbed the transforming smurf's head affectionately. Noting the change down she chuckled at the soon to be redhead. Checking her impromptu patient again, she headed back to the table to pick up the basket of smurfberries. At least she wouldn't go hungry.

Three hours later the sun had set and Jokey started to stir. She blinked and wondered why she was in a bed covered up. Oh yeah. The potion. The smurfette giggled, then laughed at how girly her voice sounded.

"Good, you're up." Alchemist sat up from being bent over a stack of papers. The calculations said that it was almost assured that touching the solution again would work. She watched as the other smurfette sat up and the cover fell down from her chest. "Let me get something for you to smurf on your chest."

"Wha?" The prankster looked down. "What's wrong with my... Oh smurf!" She prodded at her new additions. Smurfettes were typically much smaller in bust than humans, but they still had them. A spare cape hit the sitting smurfette in the head.

"Yeah. I know pixies and faeries have those, but it just seems odd for a smurfette to smurf them." The potioneer said, glancing at the redhead. "Male smurfs don't even -have- the dark parts like other males do." She forgot what those were called... bipples? That sounded about right.

"Hey... Baby doesn't have these. What's smurfing on with that?" Jokey was still messing with the cape to tie it around her chest.

"No smurf." Alchemist shrugged. "All of the adult smurfettes seem to smurf up their chests for some reason though." She crossed the room and held out her hand. "Here, let me smurf you."

The prankster chuckled, enjoying the proximity of her smurffriend. "I wouldn't mind a little smurf right now." She grinned lecherously.

"Be serious, Jokey." The potioneer blushed as she finished folding the impromptu top and tied it on.

"It's not a joke." The redhead pulled the other smurfette down into a kiss. The dark clad female responded, wrapping her arms around her lover.

"You're incorrigible." Alchemist finally murmured when they broke apart. While the two had been friends for years, their relationship had jumped to something more in just the past month.

"And you smurf it." The prankster grinned, running her hand down into the other smurfette's navy colored pants. She listened to the gasps as she explored.

The brewer started trying to pull off her pants. The attempt spurred them both into pulling off their clothing as quickly as possible before they pulled each other close and kissed again.

Jokey pulled away, looking at her lover. "Hey, look, they smurfed smaller." She rubbed the pad of her thumb over the dark haired smurfette's hardened nipple.

The dark haired smurfette hummed in pleasure. "That feels smurfy." She eyed her lover's chest. "Yours are smurfed too." Getting an idea she leaned forward and licked one dark blue circle.

The redhead squealed and pulled away laughing. "That tickles!"

With a gleam in her eye, Alchemist pinned her partner down licked her breasts several times. Peals of laughter turned to moans when the brunette took one point into her mouth and sucked. She decided the prankster was enjoying this when the redhead arched her back. Her hand went to the other breast and squeezed gently.

"Smurfness." The comedian gasped. If it was one thing that excited the potioneer, it was how reactive her partner was. Just like the yellow gift boxes Jokey gave away, the smurf seemed ready to explode with the slightest touch. Alchemist ran her free hand down her lover's side, stopping between the redhead's legs to do some exploring of her own.

"Ah!" As soon as she was touched, the bomber called out before trailing into a moan. Her hands fisted into the covers.

The brunette let go of her partner's nipple, licking it slowly before grinning. "Mm. My Jokey. Let's smurf how your treasure has changed." She pulled away, leaving a trembling smurfette to watch her settle down between her thighs. At some point the prankster had caught on to Alchemist's use of the word 'mine' when they made love. It had turned into a term of endearment.

While Papa tried, you couldn't teach what you really didn't know. It was more than a 'hole' as described. The potioneer wondered what the little nub was for and touched it gently. The redhead cried out and lifted her hips into the contact. A little motion gave her even more reaction.

"More!" Jokey cried. The brunette started with gentle motions. It felt like electric shocks traveled from the point of touch to throughout her body. Suddenly warmth surrounded the tiny point and the shocks turned into a constant current of pleasure.

It wasn't much different than sucking on the nipple, though this brought such a strong reaction. It pleased Alchemist to no end. Watching her lover's hands alternate between grasping at the blanket and just making fists, she prodded the redhead's entrance with a finger. It was wet and as the digit slid inside the smurfette's hips bucked.

"So smurfy, ohh!" The bomber trailed off into incoherence punctuated with moans and gasps. She felt as if every muscle in her body was starting to tense up. The sensations only doubled when her lover began to pump her finger in and out of her.

The potioneer knew she was on to something when the comedian started panting in time to her thrusting hand. While she wasn't at a very good angle, she enjoyed the show. This was her mate, hers.

'Mine' the dragon repeated.

"Moremoremore-" Jokey started repeating the word, her voice going up higher as she came closer to falling over the edge.

Alchemist started to move her hand faster.

Suddenly all movement from the redhead stopped as she went rigid, her mouth open in a silent scream. The only movement the potioneer could feel was the clenching of the prankster's inner walls with her finger as she moved it inside her lover. As she relaxed, the brewer removed her digit.

It was a few moments before the comedian recovered and spoke. "I smurf my brain just exploded." She giggled.

The brunette examined her wet finger before licking it clean. "You smurfed for it." The other smurfette giggled again.

Finally recovered, the redhead sat up. "Oh Alchy." It was the sultry tone that made the brewer pay attention. Jokey was moving closer, face flushed from her orgasm.

The prankster smiled. "It's your turn." Alchemist allowed herself to be pulled into a kiss, leaning back against the headboard. Both of the redhead's hands fondled her breasts, sending pleasant sensations that seemed to head to her groin. It was an alien feeling that created a conflicting sort of excitement and trepidation.

Finally the comedian pulled back. There were so many things she wanted to try. Finally deciding she started by nibbling on the potioneer's neck, it was one of the little discoveries Jokey found that really turned her lover on.

The brunette moaned, tilting her head and leaning towards the touch. It was something familiar and welcome and she reveled in the pleasure. Her arms wrapped around the prankster, wanting to touch her in return.

The bomber trailed a hand down gently tracing a finger over Alchemist's folds. She enjoyed the gasps as she kissed a trail downward and took a nipple into her mouth to suck gently.

"Hah!" The potioneer panted. One of her lover's fingers had slipped inside of her, palm rubbing against her sensitive spot as the redhead started pumping. The sight as she looked down only showed her the mass of red curls and the other smurfette's back, her tail twitching in excitement. A sudden need for more contact had her raising her hips up.

Jokey let go of the breast with a gentle pop. "I smurf you want a little more." She purred, teasingly slowing her hand.

"Yes." She managed, the brunette looking at the prankster. He... -no she at the moment, she corrected herself- liked to tease, elicit reactions.

The redhead moved them both backwards, so that her lover was lying flat. Then she lay between her legs and took a moment to look at the unfamiliar parts. She started licking, her digit sliding back into the brewer's warmth. At her partner's whine, she started sucking on the little button.

Alchemist felt like a potion beginning to boil. The intense feeling burned brighter in her stomach. She was sure it was leading up to a release, but wasn't sure she could be pushed any farther.

"More." The potioneer wasn't sure what she wanted.

The bomber had to fight a grin. Her mouth was a bit busy at the moment. She increased the pace of her pumping. Her lover lifted her hips again, suddenly, and one of her fingers hit the lower hole.

"Ah! Yes!" The reaction was immediate, the brunette gripped the pillow above her head. "Smurf me there too!"

Jokey couldn't fight the grin this time, pulling out her finger momentarily to dip her thumb into the damp folds. With a chuckle, she slid her finger back in place and pressed her thumb slowly into her lover's rear. A few slow pumps and soon she increased her pace and had the other smurfette panting.

The dark haired smurfette was cresting, crying out her partner's name like a mantra. The prankster enjoyed it when Alchemist finally started making noise, even though it was usually towards the end of things. The mantra always flowed from 'Jokey' to 'My Jokey' to 'Mine' and then into incoherent growling. Come to think of it, Alchy wasn't growling like usual.

The build wasn't stopping and she wasn't sure she wanted it to. She felt like she was boiling, her entire body condensing into a fine point. 'Mine' the dragon started. She started repeating it, the boiling getting stronger. If she was a potion she'd be going critical.

She exploded, crying out wordlessly as her body tensed from her climax. She twitched as she came down, unable to form coherent thoughts for the moment.

"Smurfs like your brain exploded, too." Jokey giggled. She curled herself around her smurffriend, snuggling.

Alchemist nuzzled her lover back, lethargically wrapping her arms around her. "My Jokey. I smurf you."

The redhead gave the brunette a squeeze. "I smurf you, too Alchy."

A few moments of silence passed, night had already fallen and the candle was sputtering on the nearby nightstand. It was getting cool and the two smurfs shivered.

"I think we should smurf under the covers." The bomber suggested.

"Should we smurf the potion again? The calculations say it should transmurf us back." The potioneer untangled herself from her smurffriend and moved off the bed so the covers could be pulled down.

"I know you wanna smurf it a try." The prankster watched the other female walk over to the work table and select a dropper. She pulled the covers down and hopped into the bed.

Alchemist walked quickly back towards the bed, dropper in hand. It was a bit too cold to be casually walking about. "Who first?"

"Rock, Stick, Pond?" The comedian suggested. It was a game similar to rock, paper, scissors. Rock broke stick, stick floated on pond, pond swallowed rock. The only difference was that instead of two fingers stuck out for scissors, a single finger represented the stick.

"Ok. Loser first." The potioneer counted and they threw their hands out in time. The bomber's stick beat her pond.

They climbed into the bed, the brunette placing a few drops into her hand. Just like the first time, the bee sting feeling came followed by dizziness. "It smurfs." She managed before falling back onto the pillow.

Jokey picked up the dropper and set it on the nightstand before watching the change in the dimming light of the fading candle. Already, the dark haired smurfette's breasts were flattening, the nipples seeming to fade back into regular skin.

The prankster grinned. She wouldn't use the dropper just yet. It'd be fun to surprise her smurffriend in the morning. She blew out the candle and sat the dropper beside the holder. Wriggling down into the covers, she snuggled up to the transforming smurf.

They both slept until morning.

**00000**

Scaredy shook as he opened the door. Tonight was going to be a bad night, he was sure. Panicky had decided to sleep over at Weepy's, leaving him without anyone to ask. He didn't blame the other smurfs for avoiding him when he asked -no begged- them to keep him company. His night terrors were unnerving to witness. He couldn't be awoken, clawing at his bed and whimpering. At least he didn't scream, he thought.

And the night terrors were far better than visits from IT.

He didn't remember the night terrors, but he did remember visits from the shadow. It flitted across his walls sometimes, looking deceivingly benign. But then nights like this... nights when he was all alone and didn't have anyone to witness or help him, the shadow came.

It always started the same, he would wake up unable to move, unable to scream. The crushing weight on his chest would begin right after, along with a grinding kind of murmur that echoed in his mind. He could only scream in his head, loud and shrill, as whatever the thing was did whatever it did.

When it seemed like his heart would finally give out, the weight would suddenly vanish, the shadow flitting back across the walls and out the window.

It wasn't smurfy, whatever it was. The presence, especially when it was sitting or pressing on his chest or whatever it did, felt horrible, angry. What he'd done to it he had no idea...

What he could have done to start those visits when he was a smurfling he couldn't fathom.

He shook as he lit the candle sitting by the door. "S-smurfness, p-p-please don't let it smurf here t-tonight." He begged out loud.

He'd told Papa about it. Of course he did. As a smurfling he told him about every visit. Papa would sit with him on some nights, but eventually the elder wrote the incidents off as a strange nightmare. His spells showed no curse, no enchantment that could have done it and the bearded smurf had went so far as to place protection charms on the windows and door.

It still got in. It still didn't stop, but Papa didn't understand. Eventually Scaredy stopped telling him about it. At one point he was desperate enough to sneak into other smurfs houses to curl up beside their beds. That worked well enough (despite the complaints) until the thing happened to find him at Lazy's one evening.

It seemed to linger near the other smurf after it was done with him, like it was considering doing the same thing to poor Lazy. It horrified the frightened smurf and he stopped his uninvited slumber parties. It was also the only time the shadow had attacked him with another smurf in the room.

Scaredy shook as he slipped into his nightshirt and cap. Crossing the room to his bed he jumped when a floorboard creaked, darting so quickly to the bed that his candle nearly snuffed itself out. On the safety of the mattress, he placed the candle carefully into the wide holder meant to let one burn all the way down. He'd leave it burning for as long as it would burn.

He burrowed underneath his covers, trembling and hiding like a smurfling. He curled around an extra pillow with his back against the wall. He was one of the few smurfs that had his bed pushed up against a wall. It made him feel just a little safer... at least, it was instinctually defensive.

He stayed under the covers until fear of what might be happening without him watching made him poke his head out. Seeing the same old room, lit dimly in the light of the candle assuaged that fear.

He watched the room until he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore, drifting off to sleep curled against the wall.

**00000**

It was after midnight, the only smurf awake was Harmony; who was sitting in the watchtower. The trumpeter didn't notice the light dusting of powder float to hover over his head. His eyes drooped and his head nodded. He tried to fight it, brows furrowing in confusion when he couldn't.

Too late, he realized the danger and made an abortive attempt to blow his horn. The instrument made it to his lips but his head tipped back, rested on the chair, and he fell asleep. The tone-deaf smurf's hand fell limp to the side, still clutching the brass of his horn.

Below, a cloaked figure listened, waiting. Upon hearing the snores, a large sack of powder was produced from somewhere under the concealing robe. The being set to work, carefully sprinkling powder in an enormous circle around the village. It took over an hour to carefully pace the perimeter. Once done the circle thrummed to life, glowing with a bright blue-green hue for a moment before settling into an eerie glow.

Hurrying, the cloaked figure climbed to the tallest point, the roof of the south building. In the haste to climb, the hood blew back in the wind, revealing a smurf. The smurf had on a black smurf hat, but otherwise looked to be Papa Smurf's twin. Finishing the climb, the smurf pulled himself up onto the roof.

He pulled out a mirror and sprinkled more magic dust onto it, then held the item aloft. Part of the circle could be seen glowing in a pulsating manner as if responding to the magic in the mirror.

Finally ready, he began to chant:

_Mirror, Mirror, in my hand_  
><em>observe the inhabitants of this land;<em>  
><em>Alter egos you'll now create<em>  
><em>To come to life in my mark-ed place!<em>  
><em>No longer kind will these fetchlings be,<em>  
><em>But cruel and loving misery!<em>  
><em>And while they live to cause smurfs grief<em>  
><em>Loyal they'll be to me, their Great Chief!<em>  
><em>Copy the buildings and in the morn<em>  
><em>So shall the Evil Smurf Village be born!<em>

The energy swelled, flowing upward from the mirror as the circle around the village created a shimmering dome of pale light. The magic of the spell began to swirl, flowing downward and touching everything within. In the smurf houses, smurfs twitched in their sleep as the energy washed over them (or in Scaredy's case jerked awake and terrified).

The magic flowed quickly inward once it reached the ground, coalescing into a ball. The orb then shot into the sky, streaking off to the northeast. The Papa clone grinned. This would be glorious.

The smurf quickly climbed back down, running off into the night beyond the veil.

He would finally have his revenge!


	11. Ch 10: Distractions

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**-This chapter is partly named because the crackship Alkey tried to take it over. But! No smut this chapter. XD**

**Reviews: Lac Lausanne- *Innocent look* I have no idea who you're talking about. X3**

Chapter 10: Distractions

The ride to Homnibus's wasn't long, thanks to Bayard. Still, by the end Samuel was bent over the safety rope and there was likely a mess to be cleaned off the poor horse's coat.

"It's like riding on a ship when you're this small. A fast -ugh- fast ship." The motion sick smurf groaned. Lars was rubbing his back, trying to get him to feel better.

"We're here at last." Johan commented as the white stallion finished trotting up to the house. "Woah, Bayard!"

Papa tied the rope to the chest before he, Johan, and Finn lowered it carefully to the ground. Peewit went down to untie the rope, then Biquette was lowered. The nanny didn't like the sensation of falling, even if it was slowly, and bleated pitifully until Bayard turned and nosed her reassuringly. The goat calmed and was quiet the rest of the way down to the ground. After she was released from the ropes, she gave herself a good shake and started munching on a large blade of grass.

The smurfs slid down the rope, pulling the trunk to rest at the stoop of the house. The red-clad elder hopped up onto an open windowsill. "Homnibus! We have arrived!" He called out.

"Ah, Papa Smurf, come in, come in!" The old wizard was hard at work on a potion, carefully mixing something from a bottle into the brew.

"Have you started without me, old friend?" The elder smurf teased. The other smurfs followed his lead, coming through the window.

"I'm afraid not, though I'm almost done with this." He gave the potion a final stir. "Norman Jensen stopped by, his mother has taken a turn for the worse and he was desperate to get her some aid."

"Norman!" Quintz cried out. "My God. My wife!" The human wizard squinted at the smurf.

"Great Scott, Quintz Jensen? How on earth did you come to be a smurf?" Homnibus queried in shock. He remembered the potion and removed it from the flame before it could burn.

"Doing something I wasn't proud of." The former human answered cryptically. "But prey tell me, how was Norman, and what did he say of Muriel?"

"The lad appeared fine. It's been a while since I've seen him and he's grown into a fine young man, though he was certain his mother had the ague again. That's the remedy I'm brewing. It will ease her symptoms and speed recovery."

The smurf held his head in his hands. "I've been gone too long." He trailed off, then looked up suddenly. "Tell me Homnibus, would there be a way to truly cure Muriel? She's been so sickly for so long... That traveling doctor promised a cure. A real cure. I'm starting to think I've been taken for a rube." And what was worse, he was desperate enough to take to crime for a false hope.

"I'm sorry Quintz, some folks are born more frail than others." Homnibus watched the smurf sag down on the table. "But I know this, were it not for your dedication and love, I'm sure Muriel would have passed on long ago. you should go see her." The wizard ladled the remedy into a vial. "And while you're at it, give her this."

The smurf picked up the vial, though it looked more like a log in his arms. "Thank you." His voice cracked with emotion.

"Papa Smurf, if you have no need of us yet, we can visit the Jensen farm and be back before nightfall." Finn looked at the smurf elder.

"I think that would be perfectly smurfy, Finn." The bearded smurf replied.

After Johan offered the use of Bayard, Samuel declared he'd stay behind. "Better a test subject than that sickness again." He grumbled.

Homnibus called to his adopted child and assistant, Justin. The youth followed the knight's instructions and pulled the stallion's tack off, giving him a quick brush before helping the smurfs up. They were easily able to hang on to the fur along the white horse's back. Bayard seemed much more comfortable with the situation as well.

Johan and Peewit perched on the horse's head, the miniature knight controlling the horse from there. Off they galloped, heading south towards the Jensen family lands.

The ride was uneventful, though had any passers-by come upon a lone horse galloping down the road they would have been curious to say the least.

"There it is, my house!" Quintz called from Bayard's back, holding on to two long strands of mane as if they were reigns. The vial had been tied securely to his back to leave his arms free.

The horse cantered to a stop, lowering his head and letting the smurfs climb down along his neck.

"There's a strange horse outside!" Came a boy's call from within the house.

"Stay here, I'll see what's going on." Came the reply of a youthful male voice.

The door opened, cracking barely enough to see the strange white horse grazing obliviously near the door. It opened wider, showing a youthful man who was just entering adulthood.

"Norman!" Quintz called out.

The brown haired human looked around in confusion. He'd heard his father but couldn't see him. Then the cry came again and he looked down. He stared wide-eyed at the five smurfs before him.

"Norman, it's me, your father." Quintz walked forward.

"Father?!" The young man knelt down to look at the fey. Recognizing him as only those who live closely together can, the youth gasped. "So this is why you've been gone for so long?"

"It's a long story, my boy. But if not for Enchanter Homnibus, I'd not be here now, nor with this." The smurf pulled the vial from off his back, offering it to his son. "It's a remedy for your mother."

"Oh! Bless Mr. Homnibus!" Norman sighed in relief, accepting the vial. Please, come in, all of you. I'm sure Laura in particular would be delighted to hear your tale."

"Norman, who was it?" A boy of about ten asked. He looked much like his older brother, though freckles speckled his face.

"Not was, is. Father's returned, though I think he's had a bit of an accident." The older brother gestured to their tiny guests.

"Blue elves!" The child wasn't above dropping to the floor and laying on his belly in front of the former humans. "Father! I know your clothes! You're back!" The farmer smurf could only huff in surprise as the boy scooped him up and cuddled him gently to his cheek in an odd hug.

Quintz wrapped his arms as best he could around his youngest child's face. Lars clapped a hand on his brother's shoulder, he and Finn sharing a look. They knew the joy of being reunited with family. Norman left to give the remedy to his mother and tell her and his sister of their strange guests.

The clomping of feet from the back room soon came as Laura ran from the bedroom. "Father!" She called, before stopping short at the sight near the door.

"Smurfs!" The girl cried happily. "I thought I'd never see smurfs again!" The redhead looked at the one hugging her brother. "F-Father?" She stammered.

"Aye my girl. It's me." Quintz said as Henry finally let him go. "I can finally admit your blue elves are real."

The girl knelt down, sitting primly on the floor. Holding out her hands, she watched her transformed father walk up onto them and picked him up gently. "How on earth did you get changed into a Smurf, father?"

"And who are the rest of you?" The boy asked the smurfs from the floor.

"I think Mother would like to hear this too." Norman suggested, leaning on the door to the bedroom.

"Oh yes! Come see Mother, she'll enjoy it so!" Laura stood, holding her hand to steady her father as she darted back into the bedroom. Henry jumped up and ran after his sister. The others made their way into the bedroom at a more sedate pace.

The bedroom was cozy and in the bed sat a redheaded woman who looked much like Laura. Her face was pale and her eyes shadowed with battles fought with illness. Her expression was currently one of amazement, on her lap before her was her transformed husband. Her daughter had deposited him just moments before and now sat at the foot of the bed. Henry had crawled onto the other side of the bed, sitting beside his mother.

The eldest of the Jensen children pulled a nightstand close to the bed and helped the humans turned smurf up onto the wooden platform.

"Quintz... how?" Muriel finally managed.

"It was the work of an evil wizard named Gargamel the Great. He changed myself and three others and stuck us in a torturous magical cage. Thankfully, he is no more thanks to Sir Johan of Lemaire's Court." The smurf gestured his hand towards the bandanna wearing smurf.

"You're a knight!?" Henry chirped excitedly from the bed, his face lighting up in childish glee.

"Indeed." Johan answered, bowing. "And this is my friend and the King's jester, Peewit." He introduced, gesturing to his short statured friend.

"And who might you two fellows be?" Laura asked, looking at the former bandits left.

"They're -oomph." Johan had to clap his hand over Peewit's mouth, stifling the dwarf.

"Let them introduce themselves, please." The miniature knight murmured to his friend. The jester scowled, but said nothing when the hand was removed.

"We're bakers currently in search of work." Finn answered. "I am Finn and this is my brother Lars." The children didn't need to be told that they were moonlighting as highwaymen, especially not to sully the name of their father. And his wife seemed like she would blow away in a stiff wind, better to tell her after she had recovered.

"Did you get to meet the other smurfs, and Smurfette?" Laura hadn't seen the golden haired 'elf princess' since she was a child of 6, when she was captured by an old hermit in the woods.

"We met so many smurfs, there had to be near a gross of them. Their leader, who calls himself Papa Smurf, even dined with us. Smurfette was there too." Quintz supplied, gesturing with his hands as he began to tell his tale. Lars broke in once to praise Jokey smurf in particular for his sense of humor, which led to an explanation of smurf names and the culture that the former humans saw during their short stay.

Johan and Peewit divulged their long standing friendship with the smurfs and the two were full of adventures; telling of times when the little blue people were pivotal in saving the day.

"My stars, the sun is setting!" Finn pointed at the curtained window, where the purple glow of twilight could be seen.

"Oh dear, we told Homnibus and Papa Smurf we would be back by nightfall." Johan sighed.

"Then you should make haste. The sooner you get back there, the sooner you can be changed back." Muriel smiled at her tiny husband. "Though you do look rather cute in blue, Quintz."

The smurf blushed. "We'll be back as soon as we can, my little bird."

Norman carefully carried Peewit, Lars, and Finn out to where Bayard was grazing. Henry begged to carry Johan and did a little jig when the knight agreed. Laura carried her father, looking down at him thoughtfully.

"Father." She started as she shut the door. "If... if you can't be changed back... Do you think all of us could be changed into smurfs and live in smurf village?" The girl still daydreamed of faerie princes and magical adventures.

"I'm sure if things turn out that way, we'll be welcome there. They seem like nice folk. A little strange, but nice all the same." He looked out at the unplanted fields as he was carried to the horse. "I know I usually don't ask for your help, Laura, but this year Norman may be doing most of the planting. Help him as much as you can. You can tell him that's on my word."

An excited gleam entered the girl's eye. "I will, father. I promise. Say hello to Smurfette for me if you see her again."

"I'll do you one better, my girl. I'll ask Papa Smurf if she can come visit here." The farmer was rewarded by his daughter's delighted squeal as she stretched up on her toes to let him climb onto Bayard's back.

"Safe journey, Father! Safe journey, travelers!" Norman waved as the former humans settled themselves and the stallion started out the gate. In the fading light, the riders on the horses back were soon far too obscured to make out. The horse rounded a clump of trees and was out of sight.

The last of the sun's light had been gone for a while by the time the five smurfs and horse made it back to the enchanter's house. While the two wizards worked into the night, the transformed smurfs went to sleep.

**00000**

A whimper woke Smurfette up and she looked at the bassinet near her bed. She could see Baby's legs kicking in the orange glow of the rising sun coming through her curtains.

The smurfling was likely wet and in need of a change. She took a moment to stretch and then rose from the bed. She had a stack of clean diapers on a shelf along with other changing items that she picked up and took to her bed. Down went a towel and she prepared the diaper as Baby whimpered louder.

"I'm coming, Baby. Let's smurf that nasty old wet didey off of you." The blond cooed as she picked up the child. The smurfling kicked her little legs as she was carried over and put onto the towel. Smurfette changed her, putting the wet diaper into her a bucket near her laundry bag. Then she picked up the smurfling and sat her on her rug.

"Wait right here, Baby. I have to smurf out of my nightshirt and get ready." The adult dressed quickly, looking at the child on the floor frequently. Baby had figured out how to roll herself from her back to her belly and was trying to roll back.

There was a knock on the door as the female was brushing her hair. "Who is it?"

"Hefty." Came the muffled answer. The florist slid her feet into her shoes and walked over to open the door.

"Good morning." Smurfette smiled.

"Good morning." The strong smurf answered as he entered, watching as the blond picked up Baby.

"I was just about to smurf to the mess hall. Do you think Gutsy would smurflingsit this morning?" The female asked as she dug the smurfling's rattle out of the side of the bassinet.

"He's got nothing planned last I smurfed." The tattooed smurf stood to the side as the blond stepped out the door and closed it for her.

"You smurfed your morning jog already?" The florist asked.

"Yeah, I smurfed up a bit early." He'd jolted awake sometime after midnight and couldn't seem to get back to sleep. He chalked up the foreboding feeling to some unremembered nightmare attributed to the dinner conversation. So after lying awake for a while, he rose and started to pass the time with his weights and equipment; heading out for his jog as soon as it was light enough to see.

They were the some of the first smurfs to the mess hall, though there were other early risers like Farmer who were just settling down to eat. Sassette had taken up with the smurf and was sitting beside him. Smurfette headed back into the kitchen to get Chef to prepare a bottle for Baby while Hefty sat down at the usual table. Smurfs slowly trickled in and outside the bell rang for breakfast.

The blond returned, cradling a hungrily nursing smurfling. "I wonder why Medic keeps smurfing at Greedy's table." She observed as she sat down.

The bodybuilder shrugged, but he knew that matchmaking look. "She smurfs more interested in those books if you ask me."

"You two are up earleh." Gutsy stretched as he walked up.

"Gutsy, good morning." From the female's tone, the scotsmurf was sure there was something else.

"Gu'mornin' Lass." He ventured. Was there a problem in the village already?

"I was wondering if you could smurf Baby for the morning?" Smurfette asked.

"Ach, no problem. For a smurf there I was worried something was amiss already." He picked up his fork, moving it about as he spoke. "I'll be happy ta smurflin'sit tha wee lass."

While the baby was a girl, he had experience watching the youngest of the smurfs, like Brainy and Clumsy. He was the eldest of Papa's sons, followed closely by Marco, Hefty, Handy, Chef, and Poet. Unlike the prodigal sailor, the kilt wearing smurf never shirked helping out with the younger smurfs.

Baby finished her bottle and Smurfette lifted the child to burp her. Much like Grouchy did the evening previous, the female held the child in one arm while she ate.

She was almost done when Dabbler approached the table. "I'm worried something may have smurfed to Alchemist." The doctor started without preamble. "He's missed lunch, dinner, and now he's not smurfed up for breakfast.

Hefty was reminded about that foreboding feeling and put down his fork. "Thanks Doctor. We'll smurf on him right away." The strongsmurf looked at the blond and the two came to a silent agreement.

Smurfette stood up, walking around the table. "Sorry to smurf her off to you so quickly Gutsy, but-"

"Aye, I understand, lass. Duty smurfs." He took the baby, then nodded at the two. They headed out, walking quickly towards the southwest end of the village.

"I really smurf he's just absorbed in his work again." The blond worried.

"If he only wasn't so stubborn about smurfing on his own, Papa would gladly smurf him as an apprentice like Brainy." Hefty shook his head.

"You know how that would smurf out. Alchemist and Brainy can't smurf each other, that's why-" Both smurf's attentions turned to the mushroom house, was that yelling?

They started to run, making a feminine voice out as they neared the door.

"Don't! Stop! Ahhh!"

That was all it took to have Hefty push his legs a little harder, shouldering the door open and nearly off it's hinges.

"Mine!" Came a pleasured growl.

The tattooed smurf stopped, the female rushing to his side and doing the same. They stared at the two smurfs on the bed.

Alchemist was on his knees on top a female smurf with red curly hair, he looked up and snarled at the two intruders. "Mine!" He repeated, this time it was more of a challenge.

Only the redhead underneath him noticed the red bleeding into his irises.

Hefty made a wordless half-apologetic noise and turned around, avoiding looking at the scene. Smurfette just covered her eyes with her hand.

"Alchemist, who the smurf is that?!" Hefty asked after a few moments of horrified silence on his part. He didn't recognize the smurfette.

"You... you didn't make a smurfette did you?" The blond queried as she got over the shock.

"Make a smurfette? Now that's funny!" The female laughed a very familiar laugh.

"Jokey?!" The two intruders cried in unison.

"Aww, now I won't get to smurf a few jokes. A guessing game would've smurfed pretty funny." The redhead waved her hand in front of her lover's face. "Hey Alchy, did your brain really smurf this time?"

"This time?" Smurfette squeaked.

The potioneer struggled against the urge to attack Hefty and Smurfette. Intruders trying to steal what was **his**, claimed the dragon. But that wasn't right, they weren't there to take anything. Slowly he'd won his internal fight and came back to the present. The smurf shook his head vigorously, the red fading away.

Then the embarrassment came. He blushed down to his neck, even though they weren't looking anymore. He glanced down at the smurfette under him. The prankster smiled up at him. He smiled and sat back, pulling her up into a sitting position.

Finally he started to explain. "Jokey and I are smurffriends. There was a potion accident and-"

"Ta-da!" The comedian sing-songed as she moved around. "Hey Smurfette, do you smurf these things?"

"What?" The blond asked, glancing by pulling her hand down only to see the redhead sitting cross-legged on the bed with Alchemist behind her. She was using both hands to point at her breasts.

"Agh! Jokey!" She covered her eyes again as the bomber laughed uproariously. "Yes, all smurfettes have those! Smurf on some clothes already!"

"I guess we better smurf decent." Jokey laughed again. "Where did I smurf my pants?"

"Great Smurfs." Hefty grumbled as he rubbed his face. The prankster finally collected her pants and retreated into the small lavatory that held a sink and commode.

Alchemist found his own pants and pulled them on, then started folding up a cape to tie onto his lover's chest.

"Is that potion resmurfable?" Hefty ventured.

"Yes. Though I'd like to smurf a way that doesn't put the user to sleep for three to four smurfs." The potioneer explained.

The redhead stuck her head out of the small room. "Hey Alchy do ya-" The dark clad male held up the folded cloth. "Oooh! Thanks!" She hopped out and turned, letting him tie it onto her.

"You can smurf around now, we're decent." The brewer announced. Smurfette lowered her hand and Hefty turned around.

"Sorry I smurfed in your door." The muscle smurf started. The events that had just transpired left him stunned.

"I'm smurfing you heard Jokey screaming." Alchemist said, blushing again. "It's fine, it probably smurfed like trouble."

The comedian plopped down onto the bed, putting her hands under her head. "I don't regret that, not one smurf." She grinned like the cat who'd eaten the canary.

"Dabbler smurfed you'd been missing since breakfast yesterday, so we smurfed here to check on you." Smurfette sighed. "We didn't mean to ...ah ...interrupt."

"You didn't." The bomber quipped in a rather pleased way.

"How long have you two been smurffriends?" Hefty finally managed, still trying to wrap his head around the idea.

"Since a little over a smurf ago." The potioneer answered. While it wasn't as bad, he blushed again.

"That was a really smurfy surprise. Heh heh." The prankster got a far away look on her face as she relived the memory. Her smurffriend glanced at the redhead and he smiled fondly.

Smurfette glanced at the strong smurf. There had been a few times when Jokey had acted overly affectionate towards Alchemist in the past month, but the comedian's antics were written off as his usual teasing. Or some prank that the brewer was in on.

Something occurred to her. "Wait, Jokey, what about when you smurfed Vexy with that box two smurfs ago?"

The redhead blinked as she was broken from her reminiscing. "Oh that. Spring Fever of course."

"But you're smurffriends with a smurf... Vanity and Mirror don't smurf that way." Hefty pointed out.

"We smurfed about it." Alchemist shrugged. "Instinct? It was all we could smurf up with." For a while he'd wondered if it was the bit of dragon left in him, it was a relief when he found out his smurffriend was doing the same thing. ...Even if it did make him a bit jealous.

The prankster wondered if they couldn't just like both, but her only example of that was to point out their fun the night before as smurfettes and then again this morning. She knew her lover was more private than she was and though the other smurfs believed differently, Jokey smurf did know when to be quiet. How did they think all those pranks got pulled off?

Instead the redhead sat up. "So should we smurf to breakfast?" She grinned at the aghast look from the muscled smurf. He was probably remembering the tricks she played while dressed in drag.

"You're fine with smurfing up as a female?" The potioneer asked.

"Why not?" Jokey bounced up off the bed and hooked her arm through her smurffriend's. "I've got such a smurfy escort."

Smurfette giggled as the comedian snuggled up against the dark clad male.

Alchemist looked pleased and embarrassed. "Let's smurf then, My Jokey." He looked at the other two smurfs in the room. "Sorry I worried anysmurf."

"It's smurfy." Hefty looked at the door. The top hinge was busted out of the frame and it listed to the side. "I'll uh, go smurf Handy to fix your door."

The four smurfs left the house, the tattooed smurf setting the door into the frame so it looked closed. Handy was most likely at the mess hall, so the four walked together.

Jokey laughed suddenly. "This is gonna be fun. I've gotta remember not to laugh or it'll smurf me away."

"What are you smurfing?" The potioneer asked, amused.

"Any smurf who smurfs who I am, I'm going to tell them 'Guess'." She giggled. "It's gonna drive 'em smurfy." Alchemist laughed and wrapped his arm around the redhead.

Smurfette smiled seeing the unguarded affection between the two smurfs. The three other smurfs listened to the redhead predict reactions and make a few impressions.

The prankster grew quiet as they neared the mess hall, her smile one of anticipation. They entered the bustling cafeteria, the comedian and potioneer linked arm in arm.

The dark clad smurf led them over to the table where he'd spotted Dabbler. At the table were Dentist, Cobbler, Blacksmith, and Miller. As they walked, conversations stopped before starting back up. The smurfs were wondering about the 'new' redhead... and she was hanging on Alchemist's arm no less!

Jokey smiled. So much attention! She wondered how long it would take for the smurfs to guess who she really was. Would they ever guess? The prankster was giddy with excitement.

The smurfs at the table stared as the couple sat down. The potioneer was across the table from the doctor, with the gender-bent bomber by his side. Next to the smurfette was Blacksmith in his dark apron. To Dabbler's right sat Dentist, and then further to the right was Cobbler, then Miller.

There was a long moment of silence that the navy-clad smurf decided to break. "Sorry if I smurfed anysmurf to worry."

That jarred the doctor back into reality. "Alchemist, please smurf me you didn't make a smurfette."

The comedian giggled. "That's what Smurfette smurfed too. But I was smurfed by stork."

"Then who are you leetle lady?" The smithy asked in his deep baritone.

It was so hard not to laugh. There's the bait and now for the hook! Jokey grinned. "Guess."

Miller frowned. "Guess is your name or you want us to smurf your name?"

"Smurf my name." The female answered, giggling.

"Giggles?" The shoemaker ventured. The prankster shook her head.

"I do not smurf silly games." Blacksmith grumbled, starting to eat again.

"Silly?" The grainery smurf asked.

It was so very, very hard not to laugh. "Nope!" The redhead smiled.

Alchemist's sides started to shake. He didn't know how long his smurffriend would keep up the game, but he did know that Jokey could be really committed to a prank.

Dabbler pointed his fork at the potioneer. "You smurf who she is, don't you?"

Unable to resist adding to the confusion and chaos, the dark clad smurf nodded. "Of course. She's my smurffriend." He took a bite of muffin to stop himself from laughing out loud.

The doctor rolled his eyes. "You been smurfing around J..." He suddenly looked at the redhead hard. The bomber wondered what exactly he was looking for and grinned.

"Great smurfs!" The physician got up out of his chair and reached across the table. Gently he tugged at the redhead's hair.

"Yes it's real." Jokey giggled again.

"How on smurf did you transmurf yoursmurf into a real smurfette?!" Dabbler plopped back down, awestruck.

"How did you smurf it was me?" The female countered. The others at the table, save the potioneer, wore expressions of complete confusion and watched the by play of the two like a tennis match.

"There's only one smurf in the village who smurfs two differently colored eyes. Your right has purple flecks in blue and your left smurfs brown flecks in blue." The doctor explained smugly. "So smurf my question."

"A potion." She wrapped her arm around Alchemist and hugged him from the side.

"A potion accident." The brewer corrected.

Blacksmith had had enough and pounded his fist into the table. "Enough of smurfing in dark! Who is leetle redhead?"

Ignoring the conspiratory look from the couple, Dabbler answered. "Jokey."

"Zhokey zavist'?!" The russian smurf looked at the smurfette for all of five seconds before throwing his head back and letting out a booming laugh. He clapped the female on the back, which jerked her forward. "Da! Is good one!"

"I can't believe I was smurfing jealous over another smurf." Dentist moaned and put his head into his hands. Cobbler blushed, putting his head down into his arms near his plate.

Miller shifted uneasily, feeling the same way. "So you two smurfed up a prank, acting like smurffriends just to smurf with us?"

Alchemist glanced at the prankster beside of him. "We're not acting. The joke was guessing who Jokey was." He explained quietly.

"Awww! Alchy!" The smurfette wrapped her arms around the caped smurf and hugged him tight.

The potioneer blushed and hugged her back. "My Jokey." While some smurfs may avoid him even more now, he decided he wouldn't care anymore. His lover's opinion was all that mattered anyway. And the comedian adored public displays of affection... or any display of affection really.

"So you two really are smurffriends?" The doctor asked skeptically.

"For over a smurf now." The brewer said, still cuddling with the bomber. From the looks of the other smurfs, they doubted it.

Dentist gestured to the couple. "Prove it then. Smurf each other a kiss." From the smug looks, they expected the charade to fall apart.

Jokey grinned, moving suddenly to straddle the navy clad smurf. "Come on Alchy, we should smurf 'em a good show."

Alchemist was blushing purple, already he was reacting and he was sure his lover could feel the bulge. Even as he cupped the prankster's chin he hoped the female on top of him wouldn't take it too far. They were in public, after all.

They kissed, tongues intertwining, and suddenly the crowd watching them didn't matter anymore. They wrapped their arms around each other, caught up in the moment.

"I don't... smurf it's a prank." Dabbler managed, watching the redhead's tail twitch in excitement. Around the mess hall, the conversation had stopped, smurfs watching in various levels of shock. Some started commenting in low voices.

"Sometimes when you smurf a challenge it does not smurf the way you tink." Blacksmith pointed out, amused.

It worried Dabbler that the potioneer's hands were now gripping the prankster's rear and she was grinding against him. Much more of that and they'd be having sex in the middle of the mess hall.

"Get a shroom!" Grouchy called out from four tables down. Another smurf wolf-whistled.

The shout brought Alchemist back to the present and he was suddenly aware of the quiet in the cafeteria. He pulled back, breaking the kiss, breathing heavily. "We need to... smurf down." It was an understatement.

Jokey looked ready to kiss him again, but instead she chuckled. "Hard to do when you're so smurfy." The redhead wanted nothining more than to strip them both and make love right there. It must have been the crowd making her lover so unusually (and deliciously) passive.

Slowly the conversations were starting back up amongst the other smurfs.

"We should eat." The caped smurf tried to get rid of that dizzy feeling.

With a melodramatic sigh, the bomber moved to sit back in her own seat. Her smurffriend had to sit cross legged to hide the obvious reaction. Turning her attention to the food, she dug into some eggs.

The conversation at the table slowly picked back up. Alchemist wound up telling an edited version of the potion accident, satisfying the other smurfs' curiosity.

**00000**

"I say he must have smurfed himself a smurfette like Snappy tried to do." Fisher commented, glancing behind him at the couple.

"I'd rather smurf what Tracker's nose has to say." Herder looked at the bloodhound smurf across from him.

The woodsmurf was curious himself, so he inhaled deeply, ignoring the other smurfs at the table watching him. Scent could be lines if something walked or ran, leaving a trail. But in an enclosed space, it would slowly ride the air currents, spreading like water.

Wooly had been tanning, the acrid smell of oak ash tanning solution and the pungent smell of leather wrapped around him. The smell of Huntress beside him that made him want to kiss her again. He made out the individual scents of everyone at his table first, sorting through them and then seeking out the familiar metallic or chemical smells of Blacksmith and Alchemist to find the new redhead.

He tilted his head, finally catching soot and sulphur. His brows furrowed. Sulphur? That was a main component of Jokey's personal scent. He sniffed again. It **was** Jokey. But the scent was feminine instead of masculine. There was also the distinct smell of sex coming from both the bomber and the potioneer, their scents intermingled, telling him the two had been intimate just before breakfast.

Huntress watched the expressions change on her mate's face from confusion to amazement and then a blush crept up his face.

"It's Jokey." Tracker finally managed. "It's Jokey and he's been smurfed into a smurfette."

"Whut in tarnation?!" Wooly gasped.

"He... ah... She smurfed in with Alchemist, maybe it was a potion?" Hunter guessed.

"By golly, smurf at that!" Timber didn't have to point, all the smurfs at the table turned to see the redhead straddling the caped smurf and the two making out.

"Either that's a bonza of a prank, or those two are smurffriends." The shepherd smurf commented.

"It's not a prank." The woodsmurf murmured and turned back around. Only the bowsmurf seemed to hear him.

The archer still couldn't take his eyes off the scene. "I'm smurfing your nose tells you that, ven?" Tracker nodded in response, taking a bite of his toast.

Grouchy called out for the couple to get some privacy and that seemed to break the spell the two lip-locked smurfs had on each other. Now that the spectacle was over, the smurfs in the mess hall began to turn back to their tablemates and talk.

**00000**

Smurfette knew that look on Brainy's face. She'd sat back down to try and finish her meal and saw the intellectual smurf staring at the couple as they sat down. He looked like he was about to go lecture.

"Brainy, no, don't smurf up." The blond said.

The bespectacled smurf turned back to the table. "Don't? Smurfette can't you see what Alchemist has smurfed? He's smurfed himself a smurfette, blatantly disresmurfing any respect for the rules! This is smurf like the time he smurfed to Gargamel's and got himself transmurfed into a dragon-smurf. He's never had any respect for the rules even with they are smurfed there to protect him and others! Always experimenting with dangerous-"

"If you'll smurf up and listen I'll smurf you what's smurfing on." The blond hissed at him.

The pompous smurf scowled, but quieted. Clumsy, Vanity, Hundred, and Gutsy looked at the smurfette expectantly. Baby made a noise and the scotsmurf's attention turned half-way back to her, spooning the child another bit of mashed smurfberry.

"That's not a created smurfette. That's Jokey transmurfed into a smurfette." The female started. Clumsy choked on his juice and had to hit his chest with a fist to clear his airway.

"So it's one of Jokey's unsmurfy pranks." Brainy huffed. At least the blond had saved him from looking foolish by lecturing on an assumption.

"No, it was a potion accident. And yes it's resmurfable, but Alchemist smurfed it smurfs the user to sleep for three or four hours." Smurfette finished.

"That's exactly why that renegade shouldn't be allowed to smurf potions." Brainy growled turning in his seat to point at the couple. "I'm mean just smurf at- Thaaa?"

The smurfs at the table looked, spotting the two smurfs provocatively kissing. At the table next to theirs Painter jumped up.

"Sacré bleu! Where iz my sketchpad!" The artist dove at his bag on the floor.

"They're smurffriends?" Vanity asked quietly.

"Yes." The blond answered, blushing at the memory of walking in on them and Jokey's question.

"Crikey." Gutsy pointedly turned his attention back to the smurfling. She grabbed the mush filled spoon from the smurf and waved it around, babbling. He put the rattle into her other hand while he retrieved the spoon and cleaned her hand.

Grouchy yelled at the two and they stopped kissing.

Painter made a frustrated growl. "Agh! I was almost fini!" The artistic smurf looked ready to have a meltdown, cursing in french under his breath.

"Painter, darling, just go smurf them to pose. I'm certain if they're willing to smurf in front of a crowd they'd be willing to help you with your masterpiece." Vanity called to his friend. The smurf rushed off, sketchpad in hand. The vain smurf pulled his mirror out of his hat and checked his reflection, angling it to catch Hundred in the little oval as well.

Mirror noticed and leaned closer, smiling just for his love.

**00000**

Suspicious carefully wedged the slip of paper between the door and the frame. If it was opened for any reason, the paper would go fluttering to the floor. That meant if anysmurf snooped into his house, he'd know.

Of course he couldn't prevent every invasion. Like Sweepy's cleaning of his chimney on days he'd just happened to gather some new bit of evidence.

He was on to that smurf. Oh yes.

The conspiracy theorist smurf walked a winding route towards the mess hall. Breakfast would be almost or entirely over by the time he got there, but that was fine. He never took the same route twice in a row, or arrived at the same time... except when he did, just to shake things up. Keep THEM on their toes.

The agents of the human wizard's guild were everywhere, after all. It was simple really, the wizards had the magic, thus they ran everything in the human world. They'd sent Gargamel to try and take on the smurfs because Papa was an agent of the magical creatures wizard's guild. The MCWG kept the HWG from ruling the entire world.

But some of the smurfs were compromised. Looking at you, Sweepy, you sneaky son of a smurf.

Suspicious finally came to the mess hall, most smurfs were walking out, heading off to their daily chores or whatever they had to do for the day. Something odd though, a clump of smurfs surrounding something in the middle.

The cagey smurf narrowed his eyes. Something was definitely afoot. He wove through the crowd, hearing them offer up single words followed by a feminine negative.

Once at the center he saw Alchemist with his arm wrapped around a smurfette with red curly hair. The couple were trying not to laugh, or laughing quietly in the potioneer's case.

Just who was this smurfette?

"Is your smurf, Cheerful?" Poet asked.

The redhead giggled. "Nope!"

So none of the other smurfs knew who she was either. Another smurfette just shows up out of the blue and they think nothing of it, fawn over her even. Right after that 'Huntress' (as if that was her real name, ha!) came, the True Blue spell got stolen.

It was likely all part of Gargamel's plan. Steal the spell, infiltrate the village (for the third time, no less!) and then spy and/or destroy from within. Suspicious strongly suspected that 'Huntress' was one of the HWG agents, probably Hogatha. He only had to hear her snort just once to prove that.

Wait... wait! What better way to throw a bunch of lovestruck smurfs off their guard than to infiltrate as a smurfette?

He stepped forward into the ring, pointing his finger accusingly. "I smurf who you are! Gargamel!"

The other smurfs laughed. Of course they laughed. They were complacent, unwilling to see the truth before them.

The redhead was startled into laughing a very familiar laugh. She guffawed, holding onto her sides.

"Wait, that's Jokey's laugh!" A smurf from the crowd called.

Drat and blast. Another prank by the master of chaos. The cagey smurf scowled. So many times had the prankster generated false leads for him, he was sure the smurf had been compromised. He was on the list. Oh yes. And his little star spangled friend too. He glared at a chuckling Alchemist. They'd been acting pretty close in the past month.

"Awww, Suspicious, now look what ya smurfed. I smurfed myself away." The redhead wiped at her eyes. "Gargamel's dead, you don't have to smurf yourself over him anymore."

"That's just what he wants us to smurf!" The conspiracy theorist shouted. "There was no body! It's just another trick!" He looked around at the crowd, at each face. "He may be among us as we smurf, he's smurfed into the village before!"

The crowd laughed again.

The cagy smurf held up two fingers, pointing to his eyes then back to Jokey and the potioneer who were talking about heading to Painter's. I'm watching you two, the message was clear. He backed out of the crowd, heading into the cafeteria.

Not all of the tables had been cleared, so he grabbed a basket from a hook on the wall and filled it with smurfberries, toast, and other foods that wouldn't turn to mush or leak through. He gave into temptation and made himself a bowl of porridge, sitting it carefully into the basket along with a spoon.

Should he head back to his house? No, that's what they'd suspect. He'd go up on the hill to eat. There was a good view of his house from there, so he could watch for intruders. The smurf turned and left.

**00000**

Natural had escorted Slither and Maple to the classroom Brainy had set up, which was nothing more than a chalkboard and three desks; two for students and one large teacher's desk with several books stacked on the top.

The former squirrel pulled one of the small seeds from her cheek. It bulged obviously, but she couldn't help but bring along something to the lessons. They were boring to her.

The bespectacled smurf walked in dressed in his professor's robes. He felt it only proper that he don the attire, as well as having the two students call him Professor Brainy.

So far they hadn't managed the proper pronunciation, but he did see progress.

"Nornin Fesser!" Maple chirped around a cheek full of seeds.

"Mornink Fofesssser." The former snake hissed.

Case in point. They both had trouble with the letter P. Brainy hoped to fix that today. He wrote the word 'Pear' on the blackboard and a upper and lowercase letter P.

"Today we'll be working with the letter P. It makes a 'puh' sound." The intellectual smurf led them in trying to enunciate the sound.

The former squirrel puffed her cheeks out with air before just blowing through her lips. Slither pursed his lips together with a look of concentration before working his mouth without making any sound.

It took several tries before the two managed the sound. The egotistical smurf grinned and had them practice it until he was sure they had it.

"Now, we'll try the word on the board, it's 'pear'."

"P-air" The ex-serpent tested.

Maple attempted to make the sound but accidentally spat a seed that flew across the room. Delighted with this discovery, she tried that again instead.

"Maple! What have I smurfed you about staying on task?" Brainy scolded. The brown and grey haired female responded by doing her best to fire seeds at him, giggling in delight.

Slither snickered, a hissing sort of sound. "Sssshe get new tasssk p'fesssser."

The teacher had grabbed a book to deflect the seeds. "Stop! This is very unsmurfy behavior! You're smurfing a demerit for this!" His verbal tirade did little to stop her attack, though eventually she did run out of seeds.

When Natural came to pick up the two new smurfs for lunch, he found Slither at the chalkboard attempting to write letters, Brainy sweeping seeds from the floor, and Maple sitting sulkily on a stool by herself with a dunce cap on.

"What smurfned this time?" Was all he could ask.


	12. SF Side Series: First Days 01

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**If you haven't read my profile and voted on who you'd like to see in First Days, go vote!**

*****Extra Warning for First Days*** All the cloned smurfs here are twisted by the spell that created them. As such, I'll be exploring darker subjects. As always, I'll issue general warnings at the start of each chapter.**

**Warnings for: Violence, Character Death, Sexual Situations**

Smurfs Forever Side Series: First Days 01

The Papa Smurf clone made it back to the clearing as the sky was lightening. The circle around the clearing glowed, pulsing with magic. As the first rays of dawn hit the circle, the magic triggered. Like before, the magic swirled, forming a dome around the area. This time within the dome, slowly appearing like visions in a crystal ball, came mushroom shaped houses and four large towers.

The Great Chief dared not disturb the process, standing just outside the barrier and watching the goings on with interest. The magic in the dome faded, fed into the process of creating a copy of Smurf Village. The dome began to collapse, looking like water slowly flowing down from a point at the top. By the time the whole circle had made it to the ground, the magic was barely a wavering shimmer in the light of dawn.

Chief grinned, stepping into the village for the first time. His village. They'd need fortifications first. Or food? He'd have to divide his forces to tackle both at once. He strolled slowly to the watchtower.

First he'd call a meeting, meet his forces. He climbed up to the platform, prodding the sleeping smurf. He was dressed in smurf pants and hat, though instead of white, they were grey. Likely a sign left by the magic that created them showing their tainted nature.

"Wake up!" Chief barked.

The clone of Harmony jerked awake. "Ah smurf! I smurfed asleep?" Confusion flitted across the smurf's face as the events of the night previous experienced by the real Harmony were suddenly met with the commands and knowledge of the spell. The smurfs around the new village were waking up to the same confusion.

They knew who they were. But the magic then told them what they were. Some accepted this more readily than others.

"Call a meeting Smurf. We have business to attend to." Chief growled at him, jarring him from his thoughts.

"Yes, Great Chief!" The trumpeter hopped to his feet, putting his favored horn to his lips and blowing a loud, long, off-key note that had the bearded smurf covering his ears.

After the first note was over, the leader climbed down the ladder as fast as he dared before the second horn blast sounded. At least a bit of distance made the noise less ear shattering. The third racket was even farther away and only irritating due to it's off key nature.

Finally, the smurf was on the ground. He pulled his cloak off to reveal smurf pants that matched his black hat. It suddenly occurred to him that he had no idea where he was supposed to go for the meeting. Or where the leader's house, his house now, was. Face showing his annoyance, he stood with cloak in hand and crossed arms.

Within five minutes, there were smurfs coming out of their houses, heading in the same general direction. Some glanced at him, bowing their heads slightly in acknowledgement. He smirked. At least the spell was working properly. He started following the flow of foot traffic, acting for all the world like he'd meant to start walking just then.

The grey clad smurfs milled around the village center, turned towards a small platform built to resemble three mushrooms. The smaller two were steps, while the larger was used as a platform for announcements and to lead village meetings. From the crowd came the smurf with glasses, then another with a roll of parchment and a quill.

The one with the paper began work immediately, marking off a list as the black clad smurf approached.

The Great Chief looked over the smurf's shoulder. It was a list of names. The smurf was taking roll. Not bad. At least they were organized. He turned to walk up to the speaking platform only to be blocked by the nearsighted smurf.

"Great Chief, if there is anything I, Brainy Smurf, can smurf you with, just call on me and it will be done." The smurf gushed.

"I need you to stop being such a simpering little twit." The bearded smurf growled, pushing him out of his way. The smurfs nearby who heard the exchange snickered.

The roll keeping smurf double checked the parchment again. He'd struck a line through the names Traveler, Camper, Explorer, and Marco. They weren't in the original village at the time and didn't get copied. But they were still missing nine smurfs.

"Great Chief, most of the smurfs are here, except for Alchemist, Jokey, Lazy, Greedy, Vanity, Hundred, Baby, Smurfette, and Hefty." The clone of Counter scanned the crowd again. "Wait, smurf that six, here come Smurfette and Hefty with Baby." He marked on the sheet.

Unruly already. Chief scowled at the crowd. Well, they'd learn to respect him. Or they'd pay dearly. He pointed at the glasses wearing smurf. "You. Pick out three others and go find those missing smurfs."

The glasses wearing one picked out a kilt wearing male, one with a woolen hat, and another with a bow slung over his shoulder and a quiver with arrows on his back. The four ran from the meeting, splitting up and heading in different directions. The noise level rose from the crowd as the delay wore on.

Smurfette approached the black clad smurf, carrying an infant smurf. Chief stared at the child. He wasn't aware there was a baby in the village.

"Great Chief." The black haired smurfette purred, "What should we smurf with this?"

"What do you mean, what should we do? Find someone to watch it." The bearded smurf growled.

"Oh." The female seemed disappointed. "I thought it'd be far more efficient if we just smurfed her over to the other village or something."

"No." Chief said flatly. "We're going to take those fools by surprise, not give them children to take care of. If you don't want to take care of it, find someone who will."

The female nodded, melting back into the crowd to look for a smurf willing to watch the child. The glasses wearing one returned, shoving a smurf who looked half asleep. Soon after the plaid wearing one returned with two smurfs, one with a flower in his hat.

"That leaves Alchemist, Jokey, and Greedy." The parchment smurf supplied the leader. The noise from the crowd was similar to that of mealtimes, smurfs having conversations with each other.

The time stretched, the sun fully up before the smurf with the woolen hat came back with a plump smurf, still chewing on a loaf of bread. Chief sneered. Oh joy, the fat one.

"Go see what's taking so long with those last two." The bearded elder ordered the Brainy and Gutsy clones. They left quickly. The Great Chief stood with his arms crossed, waiting.

**00000**

Jokey had woken Alchemist up, just like she'd planned the night before. Her head swam with the knowledge the magic had dumped on her. So they were clones. So what? That didn't mean she couldn't have a little more fun this morning.

The potioneer was so aggressive, neither of them cared much when the blaring of the horn started. They could be a little late.

He was almost there, the chant of 'mine' had started in symphony to the comedian begging him not to stop. Then the door was opened and another smurf entered.

"Mine!" The brewer snarled at the intruder. The bowsmurf started to say something when he spotted the color change in the other smurf's eyes. His pilfered memories told him what that meant. But just how the smurf in front of him was turning back into a half-dragon he had no clue.

In one fluid motion, Hunter pulled an arrow from his quiver and notched it, pulling the bow back. "Calm down, Alchemist. I've been sent to smurf you and Jokey for the meeting."

The red bled completely into his eyes as the potioneer gave in to the dragon. There would be no fighting. He embraced it. The transformation was swift, scales seeming to flow from the eyes and down his body. Sharp claws formed on his fingers and toes. Finally his tail lengthened, becoming scaled and ending in a spaded tip.

"Come on, Alchy. Smurf down, we can play later." The redhead coaxed, caressing his thigh.

Alchemist leapt from the bed, ignoring his lover's attempts to calm him down.

An arrow took him in the gut as Hunter fired his shot and rolled out of the way. Unlike his counterpart, he had no compunctions about wounding or killing. The dragon-smurf crashed into the door, driving the arrow in deeper. He picked himself up from the floor, snarling.

The bowsmurf came up from his roll, pulling another arrow. The transformed potioneer was coming at him again. Notch, pull, release! He fired again, this time at an even closer range.

The arrow drove into the dragon-smurf's eye, not his chest as the archer intended. He tumbled over his own feet as his mind shut down, body quickly following.

"Alchy!" Jokey cried, jumping off the bed to drop to her knees beside her fallen lover. He wasn't breathing. The prankster listened to his chest and heard nothing.

Suddenly the smurf's body seemed to dissolve, motes of magical light flashing and then fading away like sparks from a fire. All that remained was the arrows, now unnervingly clean.

So they **were** fake. Yet the pain Jokey felt, it felt all too real to her. The absurdity of the situation hit her and she laughed.

Hunter looked at the naked redhead. Her laughter wasn't mirthful, it was hysterical, mad. He wouldn't be getting any questions answered by her anytime soon. Sighing he picked himself up off the floor and grabbed a blanket from the bed.

She looked at him, dissolving into chuckles. He wrapped the blanket around her, turning his head to keep up some pretense of modesty.

Jokey used the opportunity to scoop up the two arrows. She adjusted her blanket, moving the weapons so the fist gripping the cover closed around her held the two projectiles.

Still giggling, she caught the bowsmurf's chin in her hand. She surprised him by pressing their lips together, her hand diving back underneath her blanket.

The bowsmurf jerked, pulling away with a grunt.

"Surprise." The prankster sing-songed. "Thought you'd like your arrows back." She laughed as the male gripped the blanket that covered her with one hand, trying to pull the arrow out from between his ribs with the other.

"Jokey?" He sank to the ground, still trying to pull the arrow out, whispering the prankster's name as he realized who she was. It was hard to breathe and he was getting more light headed by the second.

Jokey held the other arrow in her hand, laughing again. "Don't worry, Hunter." She cooed, kneeling down to purr into his ear. "Nosmurf's real here. It's one big joke."

She stabbed him in the eye, pushing the arrow through the socket and into his brain.

She watched until the smurf's body began to dissolve into the magic that made it up, then started looking for her pants. She giggled to herself, sometimes laughing.

The clones of Brainy and Gutsy entered the house while the smurfette was trying to tie a folded cape to her chest.

"Who are you? Where are Alchemist and Hunter?" The bespectacled smurf asked.

Jokey twisted around a bit, finally settling for a square knot to keep the top on. "Hunter and Alchemist smurfed each other. As for me..." She giggled. "Can't you guess?"

The self-proclaimed intellectual watched her for a moment as she adjusted the folded cape around her top. There was only one smurf in the village missing, but Alchemist was just the type of smurf to make a smurfette for himself.

"Either you're a created smurfette or you're Jokey smurfing around dressed as a smurfette." The pompous smurf ventured.

The comedian laughed, a familiar laugh tinged with hysteria. "I'm not smurfed up as a female. And Alchemist didn't make a smurfette." She started walking towards the door. "We've got a meeting to smurf to. Smurf it out on the way."

The two males shared looks of perplexion, but followed the female to the meeting.

They talked quietly behind her back as they walked. But Jokey didn't care. She looked at her hand. They were all technically created smurfs. She giggled again. She knew how to fix that. She wouldn't fade away. Then the joke wouldn't be on her.

The din of the crowd died down as a strange smurfette approached the group.

"Who are you?" Counter asked, approaching her with the roll.

The bomber held one finger to her lips and took his quill, checking off her name. The smurf stared at her as she handed him back the feather.

"Where are Alchemist and Hunter?" He asked, looking between the redhead and the two smurfs sent to retrieve them.

"They smurfed each other." Jokey answered with a giggle, moving to stand with the rest of the smurfs.

The former financier approached their leader. "All present, Great Chief."

"I thought there were two more?" He narrowed his eyes.

"They... they smurfed each other, from what I've been smurfed." The math specialist said nervously.

The black clad smurf grumbled as he waved a hand, dismissing the roll taking smurf. He climbed up onto the platform and looked out at the crowd. The noise level had gone down, but the smurfs were still talking.

"Silence!" Chief bellowed. The crowd quieted immediately. Now that was more like it!

"Well smurfs, welcome to a new age." The dark-clad smurf began. "An age where smurfs are no longer meek, innocent little creatures ripe for destruction. It will be an age where we will be the conquerors! We will rise up and take our rightful place as the rulers of the world. And under my stern guidance, nothing will stop us!" The crowd cheered until the leader raised his hands for silence again.

"The first law is that my word is law! And since I've found that already you smurfs are turning on each other; any smurf who kills another smurf will answer to me." He left it up to their imagination as to what he'd do.

"All of you will have to change your names." A few shouts of shock came from the crowd, but the leader pressed on. "Unless you want those goody-goody smurfs to guess what you are and where you've come from." There were still groans, but they seemed to accept that reasoning. Though it was a bonus for him, he didn't have to pretend to know every name now.

"Now, we need to get crops planted and fortifications built. You." He pointed at the smurf with the roll. The smurf stood taller, awaiting orders. "Write down the new names."

"The ones that usually oversee building and planting will speak with me, the rest of you are dismissed. Go eat." The smurfs began to trickle away, leaving the clones of Handy, Brainy, and Farmer to speak with their leader.

**00000**

The topic of breakfast was names. Most grumbled about it. Some had their names almost instantly, stopping the scroll bearing smurf so he could write them down. The clone of one of the new females came up to him, the one that called herself Medic.

From a table down, the doctor smurf gloated. "I've already smurfed the name Physician."

The brown haired smurfette only glanced at Physician before turning back to Counter. "I'd like the name Surgery please." The smurf nodded and wrote it down.

The female left to sit at her usual table. The smurf there was eating already. She sat down and reached for a muffin, only to jerk her hand back as a fork stabbed down into the wood.

"It's mine." The plump clone stared at her.

The female's eyes narrowed. "Try ta stab me again, honey, an' we're gonna have a throw down."

"Sure, a smurfette could really smurf me." The ample smurf scoffed and stuffed another pancake into his mouth.

Surgery smirked. She reached for the muffin again, her eyes on the smurf in a challenging manner. This time he came at her with a fist. She moved, allowing the blow to drive past her head and touching the smurf on the forehead. Her whispered word seemed to echo without being loud.

The clone crumpled to the floor. She sat back down, ignoring the other smurfs standing up. Physician ran up to the table, glaring at the smurfette.

"What did you smurf?" He demanded.

"Don't get yer panties in a wad. He's asleep." The brown haired smurfette smiled unnervingly. "I don't take kindly to threats."

The doctor checked the smurf on the floor. She was telling the truth, he was out like a light and sleeping peacefully. "And when will he smurf up?"

"About an hour or so." She took a bite of her muffin. "Or I could wake him up after I'm done eating." She helped herself to a bowl of oatmeal.

She watched him as he rolled the other smurf over into a more comfortable position. "You know, I get why you're jealous. You think I wanna take your place. Maybe my abilities are intimidating, too." She took a bite of her muffin as she stirred honey into the oatmeal.

"And?" Physician huffed. Was this going somewhere or was she just gloating?

Surgery swallowed before she spoke. "I want to work with you. I'm not trying to usurp yer position, nor do I intend to make light of any of yer efforts." She leaned forward, smiling. "Try me." She purred.

The male reacted to the flirtation, eyes looking her over slowly. "Fine. Smurf to the office after breakfast." The smurf made his way back to the table he was eating at. The brown haired medic ate her oatmeal, then woke up the smurf lying on the floor.

"Wakey, wakey, you gluttonous thang." The ample smurf came to hearing the sounds of the female taunting him.

He growled as he sat up. "So you smurfed me. Do me a favor and smurf somewhere else to sit from now on."

"Whatever you say sweetie." The female laughed. "See you, Gluttony!"

The smurf glared at her as she walked out of the mess hall.

**00000**

The smurfs would be divided between the fields and the fortifications. Chief was pleased with his decisions. He did make allowances and let the cooks stay in the kitchen so lunch would be on time. At the glasses wearing smurf's suggestion, he split the doctor and the new female up between the two areas. They'd be able to respond to emergencies by being right there, working as well.

The know-it-all had tried to accompany him back to the lab. He called himself Clever now. The bearded smurf snorted at the thought. But like it or not, he needed the twit to show him the correct house instead of bumbling about. As they walked, he took out a small flask and drank from it.

Clever watched him, but didn't speak. Was their chief an alcoholic? Was that something else? He needed to gather more information. Then when he was ready he'd formulate his own plan.

They arrived at the elder's house, the bespectacled smurf watching his leader. The black-clad smurf looked around the place as if he'd never been there. That confirmed his suspicions that this was not a magic twisted Papa Smurf. It was either a different smurf entirely or another creature in Smurf form. The flask could contain a transformative potion that kept the Chief in smurf form.

Chief looked over the titles to the books. He'd have to go over these carefully. Perhaps he should duplicate the whole lot and stash them away. Would that work if they were magic constructs? Well, it could wait. He turned to see the glasses wearing smurf watching him. Wasn't that twit normally hard to keep quiet? It was unnerving.

"Go see how the work is faring. And report any slackers to me." The black clad smurf ordered.

Clever grinned. That sounded like fun. "With pleasure, Chief." He turned and headed out, going first towards the slowly erecting wall.

The assembled smurfs already had the first few logs up and were working to secure them. The smurfs were all working, with Handy, who had renamed himself Fix, working and overseeing the construction.

"Here to work?" The inventor asked.

"I'm here smurfing orders. I'm to locate any slackers and smurf them to the Great Chief." The bespectacled smurf smirked.

"Sounds like it's your smurfect job." The handy smurf pulled the pencil from where it was tucked on his ear and erased something on a clipboard. If he used the terrain in some places, they wouldn't have to go out into the forest and cut any new logs.

"Isn't Lazy supposed to be smurfing here?" You could hear the glee in the smurf's voice.

"Yeah. And it's Sleepy." Fix answered absentmindedly.

Clever started searching. Whatever his name, the slothful smurf was always hiding in a secluded spot and sleeping.

It took him almost an hour before he heard a quiet snore. Ah-ha! He followed the sound. The sleeping smurf had wedged himself in a small hollow where the logs were stacked. The only evidence was a foot peeking out.

"Get up!" The smurf called. The foot twitched. "You nincomsmurf, if this pile of logs shifts the wrong way you'll be smurfed! Smurf up!"

Sleepy wriggled his way out of the logs. He glared balefully at the pompous smurf.

"Great Chief will be smurfing about this. You'd better start smurfing." Clever grinned. With a huff of breath, the smurf tiredly pulled himself up from the ground and walked back towards the others.

Feeling satisfied, he looked over the work once more before he headed towards the fields.

**00000**

The fields were full of busy grey clad smurfs. They were spaced out across the large field, some following along after the wooden tractor as Planter (formerly Farmer) tried out the new invention.

Medic was planting a row, carrying seeds in a small sack as she placed them evenly into the soil. There were smurfs planting rows on either side of her. There were several smurfs along the rows, each moving to a new row as they finished. There were also smurfs carrying watering cans to water the newly planted seeds.

She hadn't had any time to talk to Physician. Another smurf had gathered them as soon as they had met up. They were to help out in two different areas. Instead she watched other smurfs she had no idea the name of work.

There was a loud banging sound that echoed over the fields. The working smurfs looked about for the problem. Planter was looking at the plow heads attached to the back of the tractor. Apparently he'd hit something, likely a large rock. The farmer was a distance from Surgery, so she couldn't hear exactly what the smurf was yelling. From the expression on the smurf's face it wasn't pleasant.

Most of the smurfs around her had gone back to their work, ignoring the spectacle. The female shrugged and did the same.

The straw hat wearing smurf cursed again. This blasted machine was running fine until a single rock stopped it. Well, he'd fix that. Jumping from the seat onto the back end of the machine, he started to kick at the rock that had jammed into the plow heads. It didn't budge. In his anger, the smurf reached down and pried at the stone with his hands.

Suddenly the rock shifted and the tractor, still in gear, started moving again without him. He toppled forward in front of the plow heads, getting tossed, tumbled and dragged along with a stone as big as his head.

A startled cry raised the alarm of the other smurfs. The little pigtailed redhead was running at the tractor, which was dragging something blue in front of the rear mounted tools. The brown haired female started running, knowing an accident when she saw one.

Sassy had only changed her name a little bit, but it seemed good enough for the adults. She shook as she tried to think as she jumped up onto the tractor. How did it get turned off again? She pulled a lever and the machine went a bit faster, so she pushed it as far forward as she could get it.

The tractor stopped. Smurfs were rushing up to help. They dragged Planter's broken form from in front of the tiller. Surgery knelt down, assessing the farmer's injuries. Her eyes glowed as she used her magic.

Broken bones, lacerations, internal bleeding, muscle damage... She catalogued the injuries, prioritized them, then started healing. The internal damage was first, followed by broken bones. Smurfs around her murmured as bones mended and cuts closed.

The healer ended her spell, her head starting to swim. Why did she feel so exhausted? Normally that wouldn't bother her at all.

"Wow." Sassy looked from the smurf on the ground to the smurfette beside him. "That was amazing!"

Surgery lifted a trembling hand up to wave weakly. "That took a lot more outta me than I thought." She watched as Planter woke up.

The farmer groaned. Though he was healed, his nerves had yet to catch up to that. The pain slowly ebbed away as he sat up. "What... what smurfened?"

"You fell under the tractor and it dragged you, then I stopped it and she did magic and now you're ok!" The smurfling babbled excitedly.

The smurf stood. "Well, if that isn't a smurf in the pants."

The brown haired female tried to do the same and wound up falling over. She gritted her teeth. This wasn't good. Somehow using her healing ability had pulled all the strength right out of her.

"Somethin's amiss." Planter offered the smurfette his hand. He owed her by his estimation, the least he could do was help her up. After a few attempts on her part, he had to lever her up to a standing position himself. The murmurs and background conversation of the other smurfs grew louder.

"Somehow using my healing magic has made me weaker n'a day old kitten." Surgery huffed as she strained to stay standing.

"I smurf she needs to be smurfed to Doctor's." A redhead with curly hair said. "I'll smurf her there."

The farmer nodded, allowing the second female to support the first. "Make sure you remember to smurf him by his new name. I smurf it was Physician."

The former dryad was led out of the fields as the other smurfs returned to work.

After they were away from the fields, the redhead started to talk. "So just how much can you smurf up if somesmurf's hurt?"

"So long... as their brain ain't dead... I can patch 'em up." Surgery panted. It was slow going for her to even try to keep up with the other female. And while being supported as well.

The redhead grinned. That would be a great thing to have around. And now that she wasn't being watched, she could go ahead with her plan. "Here, we'll smurf there faster if you smurf up on my back."

"If yer sure." The brunette gasped. After a bit of maneuvering, she was on the other female's back. "So what's yer name?"

"Comic. At least, that's what I'm smurfing myself now." The prankster maneuvered her way towards the south side of the village.

"We're not headin towards Physician's. So where're we goin?" The brown haired female asked as she noticed. She was beginning to feel uneasy about the situation, but in her current state there was little she could do about it.

"I already smurfed what's wrong, so I'm taking you to smurf it." The redhead chuckled. So she was pretty bright too. That was another point in her favor.

"Mind enlightenin me then?" Surgery drawled.

"We're smurfed from magic, but that didn't make us real." The comedian wondered if she'd catch on from there.

"So you're sayin we're magical constructs. That much I woke up knowin." The healer thought about it. "If I feel this way after usin my magic..." Realization suddenly dawned on her. "I don't have magical reserves if I'm a construct. I was usin the magic that made up me to heal that guy."

"Hehe! You are a smart smurfette." Comic giggled. Ah, there was Alchemist's. Finally! She was getting heavy.

"So this your place?" The brunette asked.

"No, it's Alchemist's" Came a voice from behind them. The bomber turned around and both females saw the glasses wearing smurf.

"Hiya Brainy, how long have ya been evesmurfing?" The prankster asked jovially.

"It's Clever. And long enough to smurf about magical constructs." The pompous smurf answered. He looked at the redhead as if about to say something else.

Instead, Comic grinned. "Then smurf in here, we'll need your help."

The bespectacled smurf followed the piggy-backing duo inside. "And what do I smurf out of this? I could just smurf you to Chief."

The joker huffed as she lowered the other female onto a chair. "Think, Clever. What spell would smurf her into a real smurf to fix her?"

Surgery watched the male as realization dawned on him. It was that spell that made the blue orb. She searched her memory. True Blue spell.

"Let's smurf these stores, we may have to smurf some ingredients." The intellect was suddenly all for the idea.

The two gathered the supplies, the glasses wearing smurf had to run to his own lab to get royal jelly. The weakened female could only watch as the potion was brewed. She wondered what the range of the spell was. Would every smurf in the village be affected? Where those two even thinking about that?

Clever finished the spell, three orbs of light flying up from the cauldron and weaving their way through the air to hit the three smurfs.

Comic laughed. Now the joke wouldn't be on them. Surgery finally felt like her strength was returning. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Should we smurf Chief?" The know-it-all wondered aloud.

"Let's leave it as a surprise." The prankster chuckled. "It's harder to smurf punished for something nosmurf knows you did."

"You think he'd punish us for increasing our usefulness to him?" The healer queried. Hm. The magic that created her to be loyal to the Chief still held.

"He's not Papa. Or even a Papa clone." The bespectacled smurf supplied. "I'm not sure how he'd smurf." And figuring out just who the new smurf was was something that was occupying the intellect's mind. There were any number of enemies that could be responsible. Or a new foe.

This was news to the two females. They'd assumed the Chief was a clone as well. Comic raised a brow, "So do you smurf who he is?"

"Not yet." Clever boasted. "But I'm positive it won't keep me smurfing for long. It's only a smurf of simple elimination to smurf who Chief is. Already I've smurfed him taking a drink of something in a flask. It may be smurf and it may be a transmurfation potion." He took a breath to keep going.

"Ya'll have booze? Heh." The brown haired female interjected. "Got any enemies who are drunks?"

"No." The smurf started again.

"Then it's likely the potion. Just how many enemies do ya'll have? I thought it'd just be owls and stuff besides that wizard." The healer continued.

"We have about three active human threats aside from Gargamel, five other smurfs of threats that are inactive, and several possibilities for those who'd like to smurf or smurf us." The smurf was somewhat annoyed at the interruption, though he liked that the female was sharp enough to ask intelligent questions.

"Geeze, what makes smurfs such a target?" The female paused then answered her own question. "Wait, I remember him using six of those transformed ones to make into a Philosopher's stone. So really anything greedy enough and with knowledge of that would be after ya'll right?"

"Not to mention there's a formula that can smurf us into gold directly." Comic spoke up.

Something occurred to Clever and he looked at the both of them. "But this seems to be too complicated to be a smurf for gold. It smurfs of vengeance. That eliminates anysmurf new."

"And we're smurfing for whoever it is." The redhead pointed out. She started chuckling. "Smurfy irony, huh?"

It was strange to think about. That they were the enemy against the smurfs. Surgery tried to stand and made it to her feet, shaking slightly.

"Every time I think about goin against Chief I get this urge to stop that train of thought. So it seems like that loyalty bit to him is still there. I don' think we can do anythin about it." The brown haired female shrugged. She swayed a bit on her feet and grit her teeth, stubbornly staying standing.

Clever picked up the cauldron, getting it ready for cleaning. "We should smurf back. I'll smurf up here and you two go-" He was cut off as the brunette toppled to the floor.

She cussed, grudgingly accepting Comic's hand to help her back into the chair. "I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm just weak."

"You need to smurf a nap." The redhead pointed out. "I'll clean here. Clever, could you smurf her to her room?" It somehow seemed disrespectful to let one of Alchemist's biggest rivals be alone in his house. That and the know-it-all would probably take all the ingredients for himself.

The bespectacled smurf looked annoyed, but didn't comment. Cleaning wasn't his favorite thing to do anyway. "You smurf in the east tower, right?"

Surgery frowned. "Yeah, on the fourth floor. Don't think I'll make it up those stairs." She tilted her head toward the bed. "Wouldn't just crashin here work?"

"That's fine, I have to smurf on the fields anyway." He helped the brown haired female over to the bed before glancing at the redhead, who was scrubbing the cauldron. He walked out of the house, thinking.

When he realized just what spell Comic was using, he'd hoped that it would free him from the loyalty part of the magic that made up his being. Without that it would have been easy to hatch a plot to take over. But now it was back to his first plan. Become invaluable as an assistant to Chief. Second in command was almost as good as leading. Almost.

Then there was the spell that made up everything around him. He looked at the houses as he strolled towards the fields. It didn't matter how hard they worked, really. Should that spell be disrupted, everything here -everyone here- except himself, Comic, Surgery, and possibly Chief would disappear. He needed to help safeguard against that. He considered just performing the True Blue spell however many times it took, but then there were smurfs that weren't really worth the effort. And others that would challenge his authority and get the backing of most of the others.

He didn't get much respect, but perhaps if he dangled the carrot out to a few select individuals, he could get a few smurfs that were loyal to him as well. He smiled as the fields came into view. He knew of one in particular, even with all of his faults.

He watched the smurfs for a moment, mentally making another list. Seeing one smurf sitting down, he grinned as he walked over.

**00000**

Nightshade looked down at the baby. The child was nice while she was sleeping, but that didn't last long. She had no luck finding any smurf to watch the smurfling. But that didn't matter now. She'd snuck away from the village, the infant tucked neatly into a basket.

There was a small tributary that fed into the creek that meandered around the east and south side of the village. Easy enough to just let the baby drift down there. Those smurfs would find her and be all to happy to take care of the mewling brat.

The thought did cross her mind that the basket might tip over, or something might snatch the baby for a snack. She sat the basket down into the water, flipping the lid down. If the baby didn't survive the trip, well it wasn't her problem. She'd thought of the perfect plan to get any blame off of herself.

The basket drifted calmly downstream, and the dark haired smurfette turned and hurried back to the village. It took some time, but she made it back before lunch. Tucking a blanket just so, she arranged a second basket to look like the child was sleeping within it. The lunch bell rang.

On her way, she spotted just the smurf she was looking for and approached him. "Wrath, watch the baby, I just smurfed her to sleep."

The grouch glared at her. He hated the name they'd given him. If anything, it was even worse than Grouchy. "Fine." He ground out, taking the basket. At least with the baby asleep he'd get to eat first.

She smiled at him before she left to sit down. As stubborn as that smurf was, he'd likely try to find the 'missing' child first before he told anyone. If he was smart he'd just play along. She sat down with the usual crowd. Chief was absent from the table again. Was their leader taking his meals alone now? Clever wasn't sitting with them either, nor was Bumbles.

She looked out at the other tables, finally locating the glasses wearing smurf at a table with his usual clumsy shadow, as well as a redheaded female, Surgery, and the clones of Handy, Vexy, Farmer, and Sassette. After a moment of wondering at that peculiarity, she turned back to her food.

**00000**

The name Gluttony had stuck, despite the plump smurf's attempts to deny it. He glared at the brown haired smurfette, who was laughing at something said at the table. What made the humiliation worse was he still wanted her. And now she was sitting with another group like nothing happened at all. Put him to sleep in the middle of a meal, would she?

The smurf plotted possible revenge.

Three tables down, Surgery was oblivious. Vexy, calling herself Maddy now, had convinced Comic to retell the 'horrible smurfs to run into' joke. Planter gave them annoyed looks after having to clap his hands over the smurfling's ears a few times. Sassy was annoyed because she wasn't deemed old enough to hear the jokes.

"All right, we'll stop." Maddy grinned. "I've been wanting to corner miss mystery smurfette for a while now anyway." She looked at the brown haired female. Comic had already revealed who she was.

The healer raised a brow. "I wouldn't mind bein cornered." She grinned flirtatiously at the dark haired smurfette.

The comedian choked on her drink, sputtering a laugh. Fix, Planter, and Builder just gave her the oddest look.

The former naughtie huffed. "That's not what I meant and you know it. Who were you before you became a smurf?"

Surgery looked annoyed. "I was a dryad from another dimension. I'm trapped in this dimension and I'm permanently a smurf, so I'm rollin with it."

"Another dimension?" Maddy leaned forward. "So there are really other dimensions?

"Ah." The medic grinned. "So you know multidimensional theory. Good. Short answer, yes there are an infinite number of dimensions out there. I'm from just one of the nearby ones."

"Dimension?" Fix asked, intrigued.

The healer looked at the others at the table. Time for an explanation. She looked at the table and picked up the salt shaker. "Ok, imagine the village, the oceans, the whole world, sun, moon, all the stars and everythin beyond them."

She tipped the salt shaker and got a grain of salt onto one finger, holding it up. "All'a that is represented by this granule of salt. That is this dimension."

Then she put the grain into the palm of her hand before she filled it with more salt. "Each one of these lil bits of salt represents another dimension. In them, there are other worlds, other moons, other stars. They're all right next to each other, an those close to each other are usually pretty similar. But the number of dimensions out there is infinite, there's no end to the number. Anythin you can imagine actually exists in another dimension."

Fix sat back in his chair. "That's amazing."

"So there are dimensions where I was made a grown up?" Sassy asked, nose scrunched in distaste.

"Multiple ones. Just like there are dimensions where you were never created at all. Dimensions where you were made a baby, or made a boy." Surgery raised a brow when the redhead snorted at the last bit.

"Just smurfing that Snappy would make a smurf." Comic laughed. "That's too funny!"

"There are likely multiple dimensions where genders are reversed. So it'd make sense there, wouldn't it?" The healer countered.

"Me? A Smurfette? I just couldn't see it. That's a bit smurfed up." Builder said, shifting a bit in his seat. The comedian giggled, a prank forming in her mind.

Lunch wound down, the smurfs at the table talking about the possibilities of different dimensions.


End file.
